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Moderated by :   Eva Rosenberg  mailto:laugh@taxmama.com

Assisted By  :   Gunjan Saraf   mailto:laugh@taxmama.com


  25 April  2001    #   004
Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining
individual profit without individual responsibility.
~ "The Devil's Dictionary" by  Ambrose Bierce.


Moderator  Comment

So You Want to Stiff  ME!?
     ~ Eva Rosenberg

Innovative Tax Deductions
     ~ Your TaxMama

Lessons in Bluffing
     ~  Gunjan Saraf, Your Favorite Punster

Requests for Help!

Is this  Serious?
              ~ Your Favorite Punster

Useful Humor  Tips

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Moderator's Message

Dear LaughMates,

I want to welcome all the new subscribers - and remind you all that you are welcome to share your comments, tips and suggestions - and most of all, your questions about how to make a situation work.

And a big thanks to a man who took a financial risk to support us - Phillip McKinney of http://www.MaxPatchInk.com?laugh - our very first
advertiser. My hat's off to you!

Oh now, that's really cute - there's a little butterfly floating about on his site - and if you click on it - well, you'll have to go look.

Interestingly enough, having just been listening to the speakers at http://affiliateforce2001.com/ , several of them said that one of their most lucrative
sources of affiliate income was selling toner cartridges on their sites - and wouldn't you know it - MaxPatchInc.com has an affiliate program. How clever.

And speaking of humor, we were, weren't we? Sometimes, you need to plan the humor or jokes you inject. Other times, you simply need to have a sense of the absurd. During the three days of the cruise in the Caribbean Seas, we spent a great deal of time laughing. I honestly can't tell you what the jokes were...or at
whose expense. (Could it be that they were laughing at the impromptu-appointee-mistress-of-ceremonies, yours truly? Or at Shawn Collins's karaoke rendition of New York, New York? Or at Rick Bier winning the
loudest shirt contest?)

Yes, we had a wonderful time on the Majesty of the Seas. But we learned a great deal, too. What did we learn, you ask? Aaahhh...this is the wrong forum for
that. You'll simply have to drop by the HelpDesk
to pick up the affiliate marketing tidbits. (Of course, the guys from VideoSolutions.com did videotape much of the event, so I'm sure there will
be a tape floating about somewhere...)

Incidentally, in honor of my great success as impromptu-appointee-mistress-of-ceremonies at the last two AffiliateFORCE events, Herby Olschewski has finally concluded that he had to make it
official - Eva Rosenberg will be Mistress of Ceremonies for AffiliateFORCE2002! Whew, this is longest audition I've ever been on.

Is there a lesson here?
Let's see...

* Persistence pays.
* Be in the right place at the right time.
* Somebody's got to do it, might as well be me.
* Just go ahead and do it. They'll think it's your job.

Frankly, that last little secret probably got more people more promotions than anything in the employee handbook. I've seen people (including myself) just
step in and take care of a task or a job that needed to be done. Suddenly, it comes to the attention of management (gee, how did that happen <g>) - and voila! a promotion or raise!

Get out there and make someone laugh!

Your Guide to Laughter

Eva Rosenberg

P.S. Did you know that the cartoon changes each day?

=====   Humor Worked for me ! =====

====> So Want to Stiff ME!?

Several years ago, a contractor who  had not filed tax returns since 1986 came to hire me to get caught up (IRS was nipping at his heels). The first few years  were not a problem, since he'd had a job and W-2 income. But the last 5 years, he'd been in business and needed bookkeeping for all those years before I could even start on his tax returns.

I suggested that he'd save a bundle if he would spend some of his evenings and weekends doing the books himself. But, he insisted that he'd rather pay me to do it. So, I  collected a retainer, and gave up MY evenings and weekends, so _I_ could get it done for him. I prepared the returns; got  the taxes down as low as possible  - in general did a great job for him.

Come time to  pick up the work...he didn't have his checkbook. But his wife's office was right across the street, so he'd go get her credit card and return immediately.

Well....guess what???? He didn't. And he stopped returning my phone calls. I wasn't upset. Actually, I was quite amused.  Just think about it. When I took him to small claims court - he didn't even bother to show up. So, I won the case. Now, to collect.

The  30-day waiting period in which he could protest ended. Then, I blithely instructed the marshall's office to attach all his bank accounts and his wife's paycheck.

I finally heard from him. And wouldn't you know it, he was furious! How dare I attach his wife's check and his bank accounts? But, he was ready to pay the bill.

I ended my written response to him with one sentence:

"Why would  you ever be foolish enough to stiff the ONE person who knows your social security numbers, bank account numbers and exactly what and where all your  assets are?"

====> Innovative Tax Deductions

Hi Friends,  Take a look at this...

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax  return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why  don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog,  everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year.
And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that  bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to  Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling.  "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

contributed by http://taxmama.com/moneyfunnies/

====> A Lesson in Bluffing

Hi Friends,

Learned this lesson in bluffing while I was still in school and it has  helped me tremendously through my career.  I was passing the Bangalore Palace with my
uncle and there was a huge  crowd outside. A passer-by told us there was a movie shoot going on involving India's top stars at the time.

Suddenly, my uncle gets this flash that he would like to take a peak. I wonder how on earth he'll get in as there is a huge crowd being held back by Security Guards.

Uncle smiles, winks and says - "Just keep you mouth shut and watch me."  He drives up to the guards in a rush, honking with irritation at the rest of the crowd. He stops, just before the guards  would have stopped him, and beckons to the most senior looking guard with his finger. Before the guard has really arrived at the window Uncle is yelling at him .... "Has Ramaswamy arrived?" The guard
looks lost and asks who Ramaswamy is. Uncle then blasts the hell  out of him. You don't even know the cameraman's name and with so many people blocking the gates no wonder Ramaswamy is late everyday. Adding that he better let
Ramaswamy in quickly, he drives straight in.  Later that evening I'm talking to my uncle and saying its great that he knew Ramaswamy.  "Ramaswamy Who?" he asks.

coz 7 days  without a pun makes one weak

===========  Requests for HELP!  ==========

====>Is this  Serious?

Hi Eva,

Got the following message from 3-4 different sources. I'm not sure whether this is the correct forum for this or I should have  asked in AskTaxMama. But will you
please clarify if this is serious!


The IRS has enacted the following Income Tax Form for the year ending  12/31/2000:

1. What was your Total income in 2000?

2. Send it to us.



===========  Helpful Humor Tips  ==========

Akash, Principal of Bethany High <http://www.bethanyhigh.net> used this little
incident to introduce an eminent panel of guests at the school recently....

There was this Professor of Physics, who had just propounded a new  theory. He must have delivered the same speech on his new theory a 100 times.

His driver used to joke with him that by now, he, too, knew the speech now word for word. On the next speaking assignment as the professor was feeling a
little  under the weather he decided to take up his driver about his joke and asked  him to change places with himself and deliver the speech.

The driver had not boasted idly. He knew the speech absolutely word for  word .... including the concluding "Does anyone have any questions?".

The  moment he said that he knew he was in trouble. But he managed to keep his cool. One of the students asked a really hard question. The driver looked at him
with disdain and said "That's such a simple question.... I'll let my driver answer it"

Akash then went on with, if you have any queries tonight don't even look at me. I'm just the driver. Ask our eminent panel consisting of  .........

I never did a day's work in my life.
It was all fun. ~Thomas A. Edison
Inventor, Entrepreneur, Founder of  GE

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