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I-Laugh - Your  'Working'  Humor Discussion  List
Moderated by :   Eva Rosenberg  mailto:laugh@taxmama.com

Assisted By  :   Gunjan Saraf   mailto:laugh@taxmama.com


  09 May 2001    #   006
"Never ask God to give you anything;
ask Him to put you where things are."
~ Mexican Proverb


Moderator  Comment
"Humor on a serious site!
 Are you kidding?"
Humor Worked for me

            ~ Gunjan

Measure that Sale!
          I-Laugh 'Usable Joke' Department

       ~ Elena Pavlova

Requests for Help!
        ~ Eva Rosenberg


Useful Humor Tips

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Moderator's Message

Dear LaughMates,

More on Sites. Eva has just signed us up with http://selfpromotion.com/?CF=GifTech  which is a service to help you promote your website. It submits your site for you to a lot of the search engines and indexes and guides you with the promotion to others which need manual submission.

So why am I bringing it up here? You should have look at Robert's Tutorial. It's titled 'A boy and his website' and is a humorous description of his 6 year old son using his site to promote his homepage. The tutorial is pretty long and detailed and if it wasn't written in such a humorous tone I'd have probably lost patience with it halfway.

Also the very idea of the example sends you the message that if a 6 year old can do it, then you jolly well CAN!

So personally, I just love this site. Given a choice just as off-line I'd rather buy from the smiling salesgirl than the grumpy salesman (No sexist reasons) similarly on-line, I'll always prefer to buy, or use a service delivered with a smile.

Do a quick double check on your own site, have you missed any opportunities to share a smile with your visitor/client?

Oh yes, and please, do remember to pass this issue along and invite your friends to subscribe.
(Do it with a Smile!:-)

Your Grinning Moderator

P.S. And you may have noticed that link is an affiliate link. Yes,
we wouldn't mind at all if you were to use that link when you join.

=====   Humor Worked for me ! =====

====> Reference

Dear Friends,

Back in the 1980's I was working as a Medical Representative marketing IV fluids. On one of my late evening sales calls, as I was waiting for Dr X. He was called away on an emergency. Though quite a few other company representatives chose not to wait, a few of us waited. Doctor was away for a long, long time, and by the time he finished with the other reps, it was well past 9 PM.

As I entered his chamber, (I was the last visitor) I could instantly see that Doc was absolutely pooped and in no shape  to give me a patient hearing. So instead of starting on my sales pitch, I told him that I'd come and see him another day and
wished him Good Night and started backing out. He couldn't believe his eyes. He asked if I knew what I was doing, I had waited for 3 hours to see him and was now leaving without talking to him. I immediately explained that he looked visibly
tired and so I didn't want to trouble him any further.

He was most impressed, called me the most sensitive salesman he had met and gave me an early appointment.

On the day of the next appointment, I had made one small change to my sales materials. Under the benefits of dealing with our company I had added a line saying we had the best and most sensitive sales representatives. In common Medical Book or Medical Sales Material style this line had a reference and under
reference I mentioned Dr X's name.

You should have seen Dr X's reaction when he first read that line, then followed the reference number and found his name there. He must have laughed for at least ten minutes.

Any guesses whether I got the order? :-)

ex-wizard at selling! Now...
ex-citing WZ-ard of Humorous Poetry

====> Measure that Sale!

Abraham, an old Jewish immigrant, is a yarn merchant.

One day, one of his most troublesome customers calls up Abraham and says, "Hey You!!!...I want to buy a piece of orange yarn.  The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow."
Abe says "OK"

The next morning the customer is awakened at 7AM by the sound of trucks. He runs outside to see the trucks dumping truckload after truckload of orange yarn in his front yard. Soon the yard is a sea of orange yarn 5  feet deep.

Abe then presents a bill for $12,000 to the customer.

The guy starts  yelling and screaming at Abe. He says,  "What are you doing to me? You moron, I asked you for a piece of yarn from the end of your nose to the tip of  your penis. Look at this place. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Abe replies,
"The tip of my penis is in Poland."

I-Laugh 'Usable Joke' Department
Check (and submit to) our 'Usable Jokes' by Category

===========  Responses!  ==========

====> Bloopers

Dear Gunjan,

You wrote: "I would like to use some bloopers or embarrassing real life situations faced due to having to speak in public for people who are not used to it. Or even for people who are now accomplished speakers who have had their moments."

Take a look at this site:

There are hundreds of quotations spoken by people intending to say something else. The section Famous People will give you examples of verbal blunders from
all kind of celebrities and political figures.

How do you like these (from http://www.rinkworks.com/said/danquayle.shtml ):

"The future will be better tomorrow."
"I deserve respect for the things I did not do."
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very
        wasteful. How true that is."
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
(Dan Quayle, Vice President to George Bush from 1988-1992)

Good luck,
Elena Pavlova

[Moderator's Comment : Thanks Elena, A most useful and
hilarious site! And, folks, look at what else I found !
For quotes you can actually use,
here are some books to try:

"Quick Quips and Quotes; 532 Things I Wish I Had Said "

Republican-Isms : The Bloopers and Bombast of the Grand Old Party

The Bride of Anguished English :
A Bonus of Bloopers, Blunders, Botches, and Boo-Boos

 ~ Gunjan]

===========  Requests for Help!   ==========

Dear LaughMates,

You just never know when you're going to need a bit of  humor.

This past week, I was sorely in need of my sense of humor, at least twice.

Once, one of my HelpDesk readers virtually  slapped me over my free offer to provide a copy of the workshop I had prepared for AffiliateFORCE2001 in exchange for getting people to subscribe to I-Laugh or AskTaxMama.
(See issue #842 on May 3rd)

OK, by the time our exchange of comments was over, we were both virtually hugging, laughing  and crying. But, it did hit home about how easily we can lose sight of our sense of fun when we feel personally attacked.

And the other instance, was just last Sunday at our annual fundraiser for A.N.G.E.L.S. Day <http://angelsday.org> - 2001: A Pet Odyssey Linda, the executive director, had asked if I wanted to say a few words. You know that I can't resist a stage, right? (Actually, I really did want to spend about 5 minutes encouraging people to spend more than they'd planned on the silent auction and to toss in a few extra bucks next time they sent us a check.)

Well, I arrived at the Regal Biltmore Hotel (whose name is about to change to the Millennium Biltmore Hotel - you heard it here, first, folks.) in time for tea. Finding a seat, with my friend, I look at the program - and I am stunned to find that, listed as the KEYNOTE speaker is - Eva Rosenberg.
(It seems that this year's celebrity, Glynnis Johns had to cancel at the last minute, and Linda had neglected to warn me. )

Somehow, I managed to speak, extemporaneously, about the history of A.N.G.E.L.S. Day. It was founded by my dental hygienist, after we had spent about two years worth of teeth-cleaning sessions, with Linda's fingers in my mouth and my mumbled responses to her passionate concern about seniors who couldn't afford to support their pets. People were rolling in the aisles at my imitation of my
garbled attempts at trying to communicate with her. The upshot of which was that I'd agreed to file all the set-up paperwork for the non-profit if she'd commit to making it work.

(OK, my comments about her being too dumb to know that she couldn't just ask famous people to be on her board caused raucous laughter, too. You see, Linda managed to get people like Patrick Swayze, Estelle Getty, the Honorable Diane Watson and, even Cleveland Amory to join the Board.)

It turned out, I did a good job, even off-the-cuff. In fact someone wanted permission to quote me - but I had to tell him that I hadn't a clue about what I'd said.  (He reminded me that the whole speech had been videotaped. Sigh - I hate cameras - I look so much better on radio.)

Anyway, why do I bring that up here? Because I want you to understand that this is your discussion group. And if you use this tool wisely, and call upon us to help you with upcoming situations (sales calls, speeches, networking meetings, etc.),  you'll be better equipped to deal with the sudden opportunities that are thrown
your way. In fact, you'll shine.

It only took me about 20 years to overcome my terror of public speaking. You can do it faster. We can help put you at ease in front of people.

Use us, baby!

Your Humble Guide,

Eva Rosenberg

===========  Helpful Humor Tips  ==========

Types of Humor which can be useful to Tutors:

"I've been there" Humor

Using humor based on common experiences conveys
a sense of understanding and empathy.
 This type of humor also "reassures
the tutee that you [are] on his side"

example: A tutor could focus on the common experience of
balancing a busy schedule:  ".so in your spare time you might
want to go over a few of those comma rules. Not that you
have spare time. Not that spare time even exists anymore"

Taken from :

The more sins you confess, the more books you will sell.
~ American Proverb

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