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Moderated by :   Eva Rosenberg  mailto:laugh@taxmama.com

Assisted By  :   Gunjan Saraf   mailto:laugh@taxmama.com


  16 May 2001    #   007
A little ignorance can go a long way. ~ Gerrold's Law
(Lyall's Addendum: ...in the direction of maximum harm.)


Moderator  Comment
Are we talking the same language?

Where is It ?
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What Payment?
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The Diet
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Real items in Church Bulletins:
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Moderator's Message

Dear LaughMates,

Eva brought this issue up when she was going through and correcting the pages I had put up for www.workinghumor.com . She said "Gunjan please reread what you've written and see that what you say is the same as what's in your head.
Read it as an observer who doesn't know what's in your head and then compare with what's in your head."

Often we have something in our heads and don't even realize that the way we put it across can mean something totally different. As we have no posts at all this week, let me take the opportunity to throw in some of the funniest examples of results of unclear communication. Let's hope to hear lots of real life examples/more jokes on communication gap goof ups from i-laughers in the next issue.

Oh another thing, just checked with our knight in shining armor (our sponsor),
He's happy with the results he's getting and will remain sponsor. Thanks to all you
good folk who've visited him already. (I can see satisfied smiles, and bulging goody bags ;-) Those of you haven't. Luckily for you, you haven't missed your chance, yet! Visit him now.

Best Wishes,
Your Grinning Moderator

P.S. Please be sure to drop in and see our Daily Cartoon
And please, feel free to invite FIVE friends to join.

=====   Examples! =====

====> Where is It ?

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick. Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked thoughtfully at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him. So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher sarcastically asks Tyler, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy jumps in and is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

I-Laugh 'Usable Joke' Department
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====> What Payment?

A window salesman telephones his customer.

"Ms. Brown, our company replaced all your windows with triple-glazed models more than a year ago, and we still haven't received a single payment."

"But,", the customer protested, "You promised me they would pay for themselves in 12 months....."

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====> The Diet

This lady is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the lady returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The lady nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."

I-Laugh 'Usable Joke' Department
Check (and submit to) our 'Usable Jokes' by Category

====> Real items in Church Bulletins:

The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Tonight's sermon-'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Missionary from Africa named Bertha Belch is speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Barbara Belch all the way from Africa."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.  Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.  All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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===========  Helpful Humor Tips  ==========


The 19 Rules for good Riting:

Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
Just between you and I, case is important.
Verbs has to agree with their subject.
Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.
Don't use no double negatives.
A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
When dangling, don't use participles.
Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.
Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.
About sentence fragments.
In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Its important to use apostrophe's right.
Don't abbrev.
Check to see if you any words out.
In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which he does not really need.
Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a
sentence with.
Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.


The Anti- Murphy Law :
If anything can go wrong, Fix It! (To hell with Murphy!)
-------------------------------------------------- I

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