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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

05th December  2001    #     036
What kills the skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
~ Abraham Lincoln


Moderator's Comment -
                                    ~ Gunjan


Great Openings Lines
                           ~ Richard Lucas

                            ~ Daniel Jamal

Inspiring Speaker
                              ~ John Counsel


Getting to Know Your Laughmates
                           ~ Meet D C Stultz

~ Gunjan


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Moderator's Message

Dear LaughMates,

I was having a little discussion with my friend Gabor on the benefits of participation in discussion forums. (You remember Gabor, don't you, of tracert.com who helped set up our subscription form.) Well, Gabor has recently been feeling that he hasn't got the returns for the
time and effort that he has put into discussion forums.
(I tried to point that he had made a friend like me,
through a discussion group. What more could he
ask for..... but this seemed to agitate him further.
I just can't see why! :-)

Let's hope Gabor starts getting some good leads
soon just as yours truly has been doing. This week
I made friends with Darhl C Stultz after he sent in
a response to a query of mine in I-Design. He is now
a Laughmate and is featured in today's "Know your

With Laughmates like Gabor and DC we've now got
some really hi-tech members now. But before sending
in a technical query to I-Laugh keep in mind this old joke.

A Doctor was fed up of people approaching him at parties
and social events and asking him for free professional
advice. So at one of the parties he asked a lawyer
friend whether he faced the problem and how he handled
it. The Lawyer replied that he did face the same problem
but solved it by mailing a bill the next day to the person
who had asked the questions. The Doctor thought that
was great advice, thanked him and moved on.

The next day the doctor was surprised to find in his mail
a bill for $250 from the lawyer for professional advice

Still on the benefits of participation in discussion lists,
I-Sales has been having a discussion thread on
Public Speaking. I naturally contacted quite a few
of the speakers whose posts I enjoyed and we'll
have quite a few great tips/openers/stories for you
over the next issue or two.

Now I bet you're waiting for me to stop ranting, so you
can get on with the issue but there's something else that
I've just got to bring up. This week I got my first issue
of The InkNews. Phil and Clara run 2 monthly draws
for their subscribers. One for 50$ worth of supplies
and one for a software. What I really enjoyed was that
they declare the winner in their newsletter and ask
him/her to get back to them, so it's not enough to
subscribe but to get your full benefits you need to
go through The Inknews. Great idea, I think we should
do something like that for I-Laugh. What d'you think Eva.

Those of you who are now keen to get your copies of
The InkNews.... I won't make things easier for you
by giving you a direct subscription link. You'll have
to scroll up a little, visit our wonderful sponsor and
sign up for yourself. :-)

With no further ado......

coz 7 days without a pun makes one weak


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

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=====  Replies =====

===> Great Opening Lines


I read somewhere once that "research has proven that 90% of
conference goers wonder within the first 15 minutes if it wasn't a
dreadful mistake to be there". I quote that when I speak, (gets a
laugh as often as not) and aim to be entertaining, and the least
boring speaker of the day.

Richard Lucas

Cracow, Poland
www.skk.com.pl  www.isl.pl  www.procomstudio.com.pl
www.polishmarket.com www.argos.com.pl
www.unicard.com.pl   www.firsttuesday.krakow.pl

(Moderator's Comment - This is an extract from Richard's Post
in I-Sales #1459. He has promised to send us some tips in
a week or two.)

Comments on these opening lines or if you have seen
any great opening lines-

====> Speaking

 Daniel Janal <Dan@ShowStoppers.com>

Some people who work with humorists say there is a formula
to humor and that anyone can write a joke if they know the
formulas. I've seen the formulas, and they work!
(See John Cantu's HumorMall for ideas. http://www.humormall.com)

I use a different approach. I am naturally funny (although I am
not funny all the time, unfortunately). I tell stories and people
laugh. I'm not quite sure why or how it happens. But when it
does, I make sure to remember the story and tell it again!
I can improve the story by adding pauses, eye contact or
emphasizing certain words.

Be sure to let the audience enjoy the laugh. Too many speakers
speak right through the laughter, trying to rein in the audience.
Remember to be quiet! They want to laugh; let them.

Are the best jokes planned? I can't say. It is different for
everyone. My best story came about because I was trying
to fill space! I told about an encounter I had with a spammer.
It brought the house down! I had no idea it would even be
seen as funny! Now, I tell the story at every speech. I can
make the same points as this five-minute story in just one
sentence, but people remember the points better when they laugh.

One final idea. Listen to your audience for their funny stories.
If you can get them to tell their experiences, you make them
the heroes -- and you look great in the process.

Dan Janal
Founder, PR Leads

PR Leads provides timely story leads from national media
to experts, authors and speakers. PR Leads is your fastest,
easiest and most economical way to get publicity!

[Ed Note - Come on Dan, tell us that best story. The one about
your encounter with the spammer. We have space to fill also :-)

Cartoon Break

This week's Winner of T-Shirt Slogan contest

Understanding Computer Technology

All about Java and Scratch disks.....

====> Public Speaking Tips

(Moderator's Note - This is an extract from John's post
I-Sales #1460. John has also sent us tips on how
Public Speaking which we'll feature in the next issue.)


Done with skill, those presentations not only position me as an
authority with substance to offer, but it can also subtly reposition
all my competitors as higher risk, simply because they're an
unknown quantity.

In other words, I try to leave them feeling that it's safer, easier,
better and smarter to deal with me than with anyone else... or
nobody at all. If they recall nothing else, that's good enough.

My inspiration for this approach was the British High Commissioner
to Australia, who addressed my high school senior year. After
entertaining us for about 20 minutes with very funny impressions of
Churchill and other British Prime Ministers, he said this:

"Gentlemen... the only purpose of me being here this afternoon is
this: that in 30 or 40 years' time, you'll remember that, on the 11
November, 1963, the British High Commissioner spoke to you at
Melbourne High School."

Only two years to go to the 40 year mark. Not half bad. I even
remember the exact date.

John Counsel

CEO, The Profit Clinic
Small Business Help Centre

Comments on this post or share with us any speakers
you have felt were truly inspiring to you ....

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Getting to Know Your Laughmates
                           ~ Meet D C Stultz

[Moderator's comment - I've taken two extracts from letters
I received from DC and pasted them together for you.
Hope they help you to get to know your Laughmate.]

From dc@darlcomm.com

I got a copy of a memo that went to my director and to the
plant manager this morning. It was written by our Procurement
manager regarding a project our group worked on recently.
Thought you might enjoy this paragraph from it (I did!)...

"Since the effort really got started in July, the team of Paul Wheeler,
Paul Wagner, D. C. Stultz, Bob Zimmerman and Pam Demps put
forth the effort and managed to pull it off.  Each one of these folks
made major contributions with their expertise. The most impressive
thing about this group was they overcame several barriers, system
problems, and ever changing requirements to get the job done. This
group also did what there has been a shortage of around here,
THEY MADE IT FUN.  They were a bunch of cut ups and it
was great. These folks deserve a big ATTA BOY."

The project involved getting our 5,000 suppliers to recertify their
business size (large, small and, if small, whether they are woman or
minority owned, etc), their Equal Employment Opportunity compliance
and other necessary BS. We used a secure internet site with one
id/password to access the site itself and individual id/passwords
assigned to each of the suppliers for data integrity. We had to
download data from the mainframe, massage it, create fax lists
to send automated faxes to those with fax numbers and mailing
lists for those without. We obviously stored the info in a database,
provided an audit trail file and then later uploaded the data back
onto the mainframe where it is available to all
of our purchasing agents at sites around the country.

I'm the Perl Monger and handled all of the web site stuff and
bunches of the data massaging. Took me over a dozen perl programs
to do my share. Only one of which was used to support the site.

And, we did have fun. Our group (Wheeler, Wagner and myself) is
really a little IT skunkworks. We work for the manufacturing organization
doing IT tasks, but not in IT itself. We take our work seriously, but not
ourselves. Pam was the purchasing stuckee and she got stuck with much
of the dirty work -- printing 1,000+ letters and stuff envelopes, being the
supplier question answerer (she got over 600 phone calls and 200 emails!)
Bob? He was purchasing's mainframe data expert and a bit of a grump
-- luckily he was on vacation during most of the project. LOL

This is the day job. After hours, I also do a couple of humor
email newsletters. The Morning Message (the clean one) is
completely archived on the web at

In my spare time, I have to see if I can hunt up some job puns for you.
Love puns.  Have you ever noticed how "punishment" starts?

BTW, for two years I was the IT guide on about.com and for the
first half of this year I was the moderator for I-Wireless...


If you haven't been featured yet and would like to be :

===========  Helpful Humor Tip  ==========

Never pay attention to any speaker or discussion
digest which has more 3 tips in a speech or in an issue. :-)

coz 7 days without a pun makes one weak

Comments :

===========  This week's Humor  ==========

(From DC's The Morning Message)

Dear DC,

Here are a few more "FAMOUS LAST WORDS"

~ Kids are a gift.
~ I've never seen it do that before.
~ This might hurt a little.

And my favorite (now that the Chrismercialism Season is upon us):
"Honey, I can't hang any lights, the neighbor has our ladder"

Ric Bridges


Dear Ric,

Thanks for the additions.


PS for the rest of our readers:

That last one about ladders from Ric is an inside joke. Ric was
our next door neighbor in Melbourne for 6 years.

The first Christmas we were there, I asked to borrow his extension ladder
so I could hang Christmas lights around the eves of the house.

Ric said, "Go ahead and put it in your garage until after Christmas.
You'll need it then to take the lights down. I won't need the ladder."

This went on each year. It was many years before DC found out that
Ric was using that Honey line to avoid having to put up his own lights.

Went DC moved away, he made a point of telling Ric's sweet wife that
she should make him put up their lights that Christmas. She insisted.
He did. And has continued to.

Ric has never forgiven me.

Comments :


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