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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

13th February  2002    #     046
Any idiot can face a crisis, it's the day to day living that wears you out.
~ Anton Chekhov


Moderator's Comment -
                        ~ Gunjan
                        ~ Scott Simmerman


                               ~ Gunjan

                               ~ Elizabeth

                                ~ Karl Green

Speaker Tips
                             ~ from Tom Antion


Trying to make Conversation
                             ~ Gunjan


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Moderator's Message

Dear LaughMates,

Have you had one those days when just nothing
goes right? It's one the most frustrating things in life.
The only thing which keeps me sane on days like
that is if something gets me giggling. Then I have a
great laugh at my plight and feel ok again.

Why I bring this up is not because I've had one of
those days, (in fact the last week has been reasonably
good - especially getting the report that Dad's stuff was
not malignant) but because I found something which
should get you through the next time you have one of
those days ....

Here, store it carefully. Resist the temptation to peek
at it now and keep it for a 'it never rains but pours day' !

Nothing has gone right!

Thanks to everyone who sent in good wishes to Dad. That
reminds me of another little thing. Just after I sent out the
last issue I got a spate of unsubscribe messages (about
5-6 of them). I was so tempted to write to these people
that Pleurisy is not contagious by email. :-)

Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #46

coz 7 days without a pun makes one weak


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Testimonial on MaxPatch -

Hi. It is not often that I write a testimonial about a vendor but
I've ordered inkjet stuff a number of times and can describe
their service as, "kiss you 'til your lips bleed."  All orders have
been seamless and prompt and the questions I have had have
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I get all these "inkjet spams" all the time.  But I'll continue to buy
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For the FUN of It!

Scott Simmerman - "The Square Wheels Guy"
Performance Management Company - 800-659-1466

Moderator's Note - Not being familiar with some of these
phrases can be such a handicap. Reading Scott's post
and the "kiss you 'til your lips bleed." phrase, I wasn't
sure whether Scott was praising or cursing! :-)

Scott clarifies that it's an old service phrase - "doing more
than the customer expects."

And to add to Scott's testimonial.... Here's how Phil and Clara
started the latest issue of The InkNews...

"It's been bitterly cold here the last few days and a big snow
is headin' this way. Ah well, Spring is just around the corner,

... True Laughmates, wouldn't you say?
~ Gunjan

=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

===> Ambition

Hi Friends,

Finally getting to my favorite celebrity response to
the question "How would you like to be remembered"
It was by Ustad Zakir Hussain. Ustad Zakir Hussain is
a tabla maestro and one of the best known Indian classical
music figures in the world. Not only is his music astounding
(though, his father Allah Rakha's music is probably more
respected among purists) but because of his dashing personality,
good looks and flair, Zakir is always in the media eye.

Well Zakir's response to the question was simple and direct.
"I would like to remembered as Allah Rakha's son" he said.

Isn't that quite a unique wish? What do you think Amit ? :-)

Jest a Quote (or three) [quote-subscribe@topica.com]
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
~~ JRR Tolkien (Lord of the Rings)

Comments :

====> Spam

Hi Gunjan and all,

First of all, I don't consider unsolicited e-mail from friends to be
"spam" any more than I would consider a surprise letter in my
mailbox to be "junk mail" from a friend. I define spam as unsolicited
COMMERCIAL e-mail. So, receiving humorous e-mails (like the one
shared by Amit) from a friend doesn't bother me.

Commercial spam is another issue. It irks the heck out of me! However,
I have discovered it can be a great deal of fun to toy with spammers
by replying to them.

Taking inspiration from the Spam Letters website
(http://www.spamletters.com), which is a hilarious place to spend
your coffee break, I recently engaged in a lengthy e-mail correspondence
with a con artist trying to engage me in the notorious Nigerian Scam.
You can read the results here:

Of course, my profession is humor writing, so I could justify devoting
some time and effort to this "project." Businesspeople, on the other
hand, would probably be better advised to simply set up their e-mail
filters to collect spam in a separate folder and delete it all with one
click of the button. The fact remains, however, that spam is here to
stay, so we might as well learn to handle it with...humor! :-)

Best regards,
for romance advice no one should actually take....

Comments -

====> Correction

Your dad has Pleurisy. Pleurisy/pleuritis causes chest pain in
inspiration and some movements. White Blood Cells may be
elevated. Antibody levels may be increased. A *friction rub* may
be heard in some cases. X-ray may show effusion. It is generally
not serious.

Karl Green
Innovative Financial Services
Toll Free Voice Mail 866-206-9070 x2957
Fax 214-722-1923 or 240-525-4099

If you're happy with your financial condition that's your business.
If you're not -- that's my business.

Comments -

===> Speaking Tips

Here's the next article in the series of public speaking
tips from Tom Antion.

A Sound, Sound System

If it is hard to hear, people won't listen. As a humorous
presenter you must have an excellent sound system because
some of the time you will be talking while your audience is
laughing. Stand-up comics need good sound too, but they
are a little different because they tell a joke, then people laugh
(they hope). They tell another joke, then people laugh. A
humorous presenter will be rolling right along making points,
showing product features, telling stories, and dropping
one-liners and must be heard all the while.

A humorous presentation demands a better sound system than a
serious talk. In a serious talk, words can be missed and the main
message can still be very clear. In humor it doesn't work that
way. If key words are missed in a joke or story, it will ruin the
humor. No one will laugh and you will look like a giant goober.

The need for a thorough sound check is another good reason to be
in the room early. You need to check the microphone to make sure
it works. You need to check to see how far your mouth should be
from the microphone. You need to know how loudly you should talk.
Realize that during your check the audio level should be very
loud. People will absorb the sound once they get into the room.

Make sure the sound system is carrying to all parts of the room.
If someone speaks prior to you, try to go to the back of the room
to see how he or she is coming across. If you have someone at the
presentation with you, have them signal from the back of the room
if changes are needed after you have started.

If the amplifier controls aren't handy after you have started,
you can adjust the sound by changing the distance between your
mouth and the microphone and/or increasing or decreasing the
loudness of your voice. Try not to use the latter method too
often so you don't strain your vocal mechanism.

Tom Antion
Great Speaking

You can subscribe to his free newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below)


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

Cartoon Break


House Break

Stages of a new relationship

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Making Conversation

Hi Friends,

Eva sent me this little incident...

In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most
embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the
most carefully advanced of foreign trips.

Along with her  husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush
was lunching  with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.

Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation
an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the
Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an
occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.

Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented
Hirohito on his official residence.

"Thank you," he said.
"Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush.
"Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?"
asked the intrepid visitor.

In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No,
I'm afraid that you bombed it."

It reminded me of a 'war' story by John in Dan Siedman's
Sales Horror Stories. Talking of Dan I wonder what he's up to.
Haven't heard from him since his book The Death of Twentieth
Century Selling was published. Haven't even received an issue
of Sales Horror stories since October 91.

Here's the story...

I was so slow to learn, that I did this on two occasions.

I was sitting down with potential Estate Planning clients in a
fact-finding interview. While collecting family data I had always
prided myself on a very conversational, non-interrogational, even
humorous and self-effacing style of collecting information.

I was taking inventory of the children and recording important facts
such as occupation, marital status, and so on. I got to one daughter
who was in the room and Mom asked for the daughter's birth date.
Before the daughter could answer I blurted out something like:
"So, Mom -- you can't remember? What were you doing the day
she was born?"

Of course Mom's answer was -- "I don't remember, my daughter
is adopted."

The chill was not refreshing -- and I had to send an associate in to
make the sale and keep the client.

The second time (with new prospects) I came to the same part of the
fact find and this Mom again hollered -- "What is your birth date?" And
before I knew what I was doing, I told the above story -- hoping for a
mutual chuckle. Well wouldn't you know it -- Mom said, "My daughter
is adopted."

That wasn't the end of the interview, but it was the end of the sale.
(No one to save that one!)

I learned:
Listen to yourself before you speak.
Listen to the prospect before you speak,(too often we are preparing
what we are going to say next and not listening to the prospect)
Listen (do not speak)
Listen (You talk too much)
Listen -- What the prospect has to say is more important than
what you have to say.

Nothing to add to that! I've got my ears open for your comments...

coz 7 days without a pun makes one weak

Comments -

===========  This week's Humor  ==========

Following are a few gems taken from actual resumes:

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please
don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-
hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45
every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature
of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented
as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore
and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application
of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere
of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

Comments :


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Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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