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Your Working Humor Discussion List

...........................................
I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
---------------------------------------------
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st May  2002    #     Issue 57
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beneath this slab, John Brown is stowed.
He watched the ads, And not the road.
~ Ogden Nash
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                           ~ Gunjan

_____________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Decisions, decisions
                                ~ Gunjan

Travelling with Laughter
                                ~ Gunjan

Travelling with Laughter
                                ~ From Dr Stan Kegel

Speaker Tips
                               ~ from Tom Antion

NEW DISCUSSIONS

Help
                                ~ Gunjan

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Message
-------------------------------------------------

Hi Laughmates

I'm back!

First of all a very big Thank you to Uncle Joe (Joseph Harris)
for a fun-filled three weeks of moderating. Don't know about
you but I certainly enjoyed his issues. If you think so too and
would like to pass on your thanks/comments, or even your
regards/best wishes you can write to ...

mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=UncleJoe

and I'll pass your comments to him. Hope his great
newsletter and site http://www.smilepoetryweekly.com
go from strength to strength!

Another big thank you and warm welcome to our new
Laughmate Stevie Ann Rinehart. She just signed up,
and then followed our links from our welcome message
to our posting rules and archives. She discovered to
her (and our) surprise that the archives were only till
June 2001 and so she wrote to Eva expressing concern.

Eva immediately replied with the url to our archives
http://www.workinghumor.com/archives.shtml  saying
they are up to date till March 2002.

Stevie Ann again replied (I'm so thankful she did!) that the
link which she had been guided to ...
http://www.workinghumor.com/archives.htm
wasn't up to date! A look at the url woke me up from my
reverie! Like any child (and adult?) who when he finds/gets/
discovers a new toy or love just forgets about the old ones,
I had just dumped aside my htm pages once I had
discovered the convenience of shtml pages. The sillier part
is that I had forgotten to update the welcome message or
the links at the bottom of every issue.

I wonder how many people saw those out of date pages,
thought we had wound up and didn't bother to subscribe.
And it took me just 15-20 minutes to delete the old pages
and make them as redirect pages to the new pages so
that if somebody still landed there by mistake they wouldn't
get outdated information but be transferred to the active page.

Reminded me of the time from my kidhood (pre leakproof
batteries days) when I had left the cells in my old toy car,
once I got my toy plane, and the cells had leaked....
ruining not just my toy car but my toy plane too!

Hope you have laid your old 'toys' to rest in a fitting manner,
before you get completely wrapped (rapt) {Thanks Doc} in
your new ones.....

With Best Wishes,
Gunjan
www.workinghumor.com   - Let your Humor Work for you !


P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
64841-subscribe@zinester.com


Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments


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=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

====> Decisions, Decisions

Uncle Joe,

I think your friend (the one who suggested - "Take the money
and run, all decisions are as simple as that.") is not really living
in a real world. Nowadays even given a situation where you
could take the money and run, you'd have to decide whether
to take all the money, would you be able to carry it, could
it be that the money was marked notes, which way to run,
how fast, and wouldn't it be wiser to take a cab, etc!

These questions are just starters..... Each of them comes
with about a dozen sub-questions and guess where we could
head from there! :-)

Gunjan
Jest in Literature!
( Literature is no laughing matter .... unless you learn it
from The Doc. The Doc teaches lit with wit! Subscribe to
Jest with Literature (A), mail lit-subscribe@topica.com )

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Decisions

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===> Travelling with Laughter

Hi Uncle Joe,

Here are a few of favorite car stickers. Some of them
are quite old, I think those will remain my favorites
eternally! :-)

Honking is for the geese!
~~~~~~~~
Horn Broken...  Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
[Seen pasted Upside Down, on a Jeep]
~~~~~~~~~
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist.
~~~~~~~~~

And I've got a few more tucked up at
www.workinghumor.com/graffiti/bumpers.shtml

Gunjan
http://www.JestforPun.com
coz 7 days without a pun makes one weak

Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=laughter

===> Travelling with Laughter

With reference to the bumper stickers, Laughmate Stan Kegel
had sent me this a long time ago. It may be a good time to share
it....

They have found, at the base of Mount Horeb, an ancient cave,
unopened for three thousand years. Apparently this cavern was used
by the Israelites to store and repair all the army's rolling stock. There
were hundreds of vehicles in all stages of repair that will keep
archaeologists busy for years.

On of the mysteries was a container holding dozens of pieces of
parchment that were apparently made to be carried on an upright
spear into battle.

The parchments were rolled into separate groups and, when the language
scholars deciphered them they fell into several distinct groups -- each
containing a similar set of words.

The group with the most banners was a thick one with the same words on
each. These apparently proclaimed, "Shout Huzzah if you love Moses.

Another group had wording which showed the Israelites grasp of the
calendar, as they said, "In the name of Cain, Celebrate National
Brotherhood Week."

There were some that were apparently done to remind the people of the
wrath of G-d, as they were printed with the slogan, "If you can see
Sodom, you're too damned close."

The scholars were to find, on some, the concept of the mighty figures
of the bible, because many carried the words, "I'm Elijah -- my other
chariot rolls."

It is amazing to find how safety minded the ancient people were. There
were several banners which bore the writing, "Remember Goliath:
support the ban on unlicensed slingshots."

Finally, to indicate how the Israelites revered their elders, they
found many banners that simply said, "In the name of Methuselah
-- be kind to senior citizens."

One of the translators suggested that these phrases would make
wonderful bumper stickers for today's Israeli cars, but his idea was
turned down as being too fanciful. (By Lee Daniel Quinn based on
material from Syman Hirsch)

Thanks Dr Stan Kegel
(Profussion of Puns, Gaggle of Groaners
To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
groaners-request@mail.otherwhen.com)

===> Speaker Tips

Say It With Fewer Words
       By Patricia Fripp CSP, CPAE

You've got a great, major presentation, and suddenly you're asked
if you can get your message across in five minutes! Don't panic.
For today's television generation, sound bites can be more
powerful than lengthy dissertations. Here's how to compress your
speech without losing impact.

Don't apologize or mention that you usually have much more time.
Be confident that you can communicate in five minutes. Begin
fast. Start with a an attention-getting statement such as, "Your
job won't exist five years from now," or "In the next 5 minutes
I want to convince you the best action you can take is__"
Use a strongly visual story. Illustrate your points -- how it is
now, how it will or could be -- with a story so vivid that the
audience can "see" it. Divide your 5 minutes into three parts.
Present a problem, a payoff, and your point of view: "The number
one piece of advice I can give you today is...," your story
illustrates your idea and your walk away line could be what will
happen if they do what you suggest!

Patricia Fripp CSP,CPAE is a San Francisco-based professional
speaker on Change, Teamwork,Customer Service, Promoting Business,
and Communication Skills. mailto:PFripp@aol.com  1-800 634 3035,
http://www.fripp.com

from Tom Antion's
Great Speaking

You can subscribe to his free newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below)

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606

Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cartoon Break

Last Act of Heroics...
http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00580768

Love this drink...
http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00580772

Coffee Break
http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00580577

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Help

Hi Friends,

As I mentioned in the last issue, following John Cantu's
advice in....

'Getting Paid to make People Laugh'.
http://ebooks.wz.com/cantu/a277.html

... I have just joined the local Toastmaster's Club. My first
exercise is to deliver an "icebreaker" lasting 4-6 minutes.

Here's what I have in mind ...

 Mr. Toastmaster, Fellow Toastmasters and honored guests,
I have before me what should be a simple task. After all how difficult
can it be to say - "Hi,  Unfortunately life is never that simple, there's
always a catch. The catch here is that I have to take 4-6 minutes to
say Hi - I'm Gunjan. The observant among you would have noticed
that I said my name was Gunjan not Shankar Mahadevan*... so
stretching my Hi to 4 minutes is well beyond my abilities.

{* Shankar Mahadevan is renowned local singer especially
known for his ability to sing long stretches of songs in a single
breath or extending words to crazy lengths)

The second alternative would be to give you a run down on my life,
parents, school, work etc but I'm not sure I could myself awake
doing that, so how on earth would I keep you awake? Also, with
my style, I have been advised by a good gentleman in black that
I'd open myself to a few defamation of character cases by talking
about all the afore-mentioned.

So what do we talk about? How do we break the ice??

A few months ago, I had the privilege of being accepted as a
member of P.U.N.Y. (P.U.N.Y - stands for Punsters United
Nearly Yearly). This group wanted me to introduce myself too,
but fortunately for all concerned, their patience doesn't run as deep
as the Toastmasters, and they wanted something extremely short.
So for my Intro I chose as my medium The Limerick.

Allow me to share with you my introduction to that August group -

My true character I've been masking,
and in the bright Indian sun basking;
If more questions you ply,
In deep voice I reply,
I'm normally lion! Who's ass-kin' !?!

The merry punsters at P.U.N.Y are as sharp as the pencils in an eager
kindergarteners pencil box, and in no time I had a mail pointing out, that
although my asking and ass skin pun was a reasonably good one, I'd
missed the point in the folk tale completely. It was supposed to be an
ass in a lion skin. Why on earth would a lion put on a donkey's skin?

I replied that this was a true indicator to my character. I'm very fond
of upsetting apple-carts, being different and doing things the wrong
way round. In fact this has been a habit with me right from birth. I am
told .. I have no recollection of the event . that I was even born the wrong
way round .. Head first !

Oops . Doctor Chaya . Is that the right or normal way? I'm
heartbroken. You're telling me that I'm just like everybody else - UNIQUE !!
Well I'll live with that! And still upset every applecart
that I bump into.

Friends, there's a saying which says every man has the right to make
an ass of himself, but one should never abuse this privilege. So allow
me to wind up my ice-breaker with a short incident from the life of
Groucho Marx. It seems Groucho was once introduced to this pretty
young socialite. Ever the ladies man Groucho wasn't too displeased.
Then the young lady started talking. She was all praise for Groucho,
gushing about how highly she though of him, how many films of his she
had seen, etc, etc ad nauseum. For a minute or two Groucho was thrilled.
Then he started twitching. Finally when the clock hit the 5 minute mark he
interrupted her sweetly and asked .. "Excuse me, Can I buy back my
introduction from you?"

Friends, the ice is now broken. If any of you would like to know more
about me you're most welcome to speak to me anytime. If on the other hand,
like Groucho, you decide that you're much better off not knowing
me, you'll find me in that little corner over there .. I'm sure, we can
strike out a deal. (wink)

Thank You!
~~~~~~

My mentor for the project hates it! What do you think??
Any vintage toastmasters on our list have any suggestions
or improvements?

Gunjan
www.workinghumor.com - Let your Humor Work for you !

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=help

===========  This week's Humor  ==========

Tax Dollars At Work
===============

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the
middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at
night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and
hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, How does the watchman do his job without
instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two
(2) people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one
person to do time studies, GS-11. Then Congress said, "How will
we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Q. C. position and hired two (2) people, one
GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then
Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" so
they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and
a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two (2) people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these
people?" So they created an administrative position and hired
three (3) people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin.
Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for
one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback
overall cost,"

So they laid off the night watchman.

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

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Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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