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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8th May  2002    #     Issue 58
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I sit in an office at 244 Madison Avenue,
And say to myself You have a responsible job, havenue?
~ Ogden Nash
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                           ~ Gunjan
_____________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Help!
                                ~ DC Stultz

Speaker Tips
                               ~ from Tom Antion

NEW DISCUSSIONS

Joy Jingles
                                ~ Stephanie

Accents
                               ~ Scott Simmerman

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Message
-------------------------------------------------

Hi Laughmates

For a change we have plenty of posts in this issue, so
your modulating moderator can switch to silent tones
this week.

DC, not only answers my call for help, but in a motivating
post gives you just a wee bit more about the Toastmasters
International. If you have been thinking whether it would be
worthwhile for you to join this post should help.

Stephanie, sends in an invite to enjoy yourself with Joy Jingles.
Feel free to share your jingles with our Laughmates by sending
them in.

And, Scott tells you a little story about how different accents can
be hilarious. I'm sure you must have had some experiences with
accents. Do send them in.

With no further ado, on with I-Laugh #58

With Best Wishes,
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in jest.

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=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

====> Help

Gunjan,

Congrats on joining Toastmasters! It will turn out to be one of the
best decisions you ever made.  I know, I was active in Toastmasters
for about 18 years. (Only quit a couple of years ago because my
hearing had gotten so bad that I couldn't participate in the meetings.)

I have to agree with your mentor about your proposed ice-breaker
speech. The purpose of the speech is two fold:
1) It allows the other members to know a little bit about you.
2) It allows you to talk about the one thing you know a lot
about - YOU - so you can overcome more easily the flying
butterflies in the tum-tum when you stand up in front of an
audience.

My advice is don't get too-cute with it. KISS - Keep It
Simple Stupid - is a good practice for speaking and for new
speakers. You don't have to give them a
I-was-born-at-a-very-early-age-in-a-tree-top, then I went
to school at, then I got a job at, chronological recap. It is
okay to pick one part to highlight. Certainly your love for the
net and jokes/puns would be a great subject for an icebreaker.
(That way you will be a bit for subtle in informing them that you
are a nut versus the sledge hammer approach you were heading for.)

Bet you didn't know that I claim the world record for the fastest
Basic Manual completion. It was back in 1984 when there were
15 speech projects in the manual versus the 10 in it now. I did all
15 speeches (with a one minute evaluation of each by another
TMer) in 1 hr 52 minutes! They all were on Toastmaster topics
and the record was set at a District 47 conference.

Bet you also don't know that I have won two Toastmasters
International Top Ten awards for newsletters - one for a club
newsletter and the next year for doing the D-47 Sunshiner.

By the way, Toastmasters is a communications AND
leadership organization. No one ever joins for the
leadership part, but the smart ones get involved in it.

DC Stultz, DTM  <-- bet you didn't know about that either   :-)
(Certificate # 2503 ... dated Jan 29, 1986)
District 47 Toastmaster of Year  1984-85

(You probably haven't gotten to understand the CTM, ATM
and DTM acronyms yet... ask your mentor)

[ Thanks DC,
As per your advice I modified my speech just a wee bit,
spoke just a little bit about my school and my work.
I landed up getting a standing ovation! (WoW!!!)

The acronyms - CTM stands for Competent Toastmaster.
I will figure out the rest soon.

BTW - Does one have to have a person from the same club
as a mentor? Couldn't you be my mentor?

Thanks again,
Gunjan]

All those in our group who are or have been Toastmasters
will you please let me know.....
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Toastmasters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===> Speaker Tips

JUXTAPOSITION by Tom Antion

Juxtaposition is the placing, side by side, of two ideas or items
usually for the purpose of comparison or contrast. I staged an
event at Washington National Airport where I had a huge 450-pound
man and a very small man (three feet eleven inches) dressed as
chauffeurs. They were waiting at the gate for a man from Japan
arriving for his first visit to the United States. To take the
comical juxtaposition one step further, the small man was holding
a gigantic sign with the Japanese man's name on it and the extra
large man was holding a similar sign, except it was about the size
of a business card. Believe me, we had the attention of everyone
in the gate area. What a visual! Now let's look at two specialized
types of juxtaposition:

Oxymorons
Warren S. Blumenfeld, Ph.D., in his book Pretty Ugly states,
"I {passively tried} to warn you oxymorons had {almost absolutely}
no socially redeeming quality except that they make people {smile
out loud} and are addictive." His first book on the subject was
called "Jumbo Shrimp."

According to Dr. Blumenfeld, "An oxymoron is two concepts
{usually two words} that do not go together, but are used together.
It is a bringing together of contradictory expressions."

Terms like "old news," "extensive briefing," "direct circumvention"
and "random order" are oxymorons. Also concepts like "an advanced
state of decline" and "expecting a surprise" are oxymorons.

Pleonasms
A pleonasm is the bringing together of two concepts or words that
are redundant. A pleonasm is the bringing together of two concepts
or words that are redundant. How many times do I have to tell you?

Combinations like "frozen ice," "sharp point," "killed dead,"
"sandy beach," "young child," "positive praise," and "angry rage"
are pleonasms. Here are some ways you can use comical juxtaposition
in business world presentations:

=> Use a large copy of your company logo or company name on a slide
or overhead, or in a drawing on your flipchart. Next to it, place
extremely small logos or company names of your competitors. Use this
as a greeting slide to a meeting or let it pop up as a slide or
overhead at a strategic point in your presentation. You could draw
an outline of a large duck around your company logo and little
duckling outlines around the competition. You could say: "Our company
was born to lead and the others were meant to follow."

=> Use an oxymoron in conjunction with a simile to drive home the
point that something is a little out of kilter.

You could say, "Acme Co. claims that its market share is increasing,
yet their sales are down while everyone else's are up. It's just like
a Jumbo Shrimp. It just doesn't make sense."

Invite a tall person and a short person on stage when you call for
audience participation. If you are considerably shorter than the
tall person say, "I don't want you to talk down to me." If you are
considerably taller than the short person say, "I don't want you to
feel like I'm talking down to you." (be careful that the person you
get on stage is not overly sensitive about their height)

from Tom Antion's
Great Speaking

You can subscribe to his free newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below)

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606

Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cartoon Break

Sneaky Dog
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/Cl66.shtml

Cradle Snatcher?
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/Cl67.shtml

Business Trip
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/Cl68.shtml

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Joy Jingles

Leap For Joy

Derrick is a dreary fellow. When he decided to learn to focus his
thoughts, he did it with a vengeance. So serious was he at focusing
his thoughts on his objectives that he forgot to smile. Being deadly
serious at WYTUG (What You Think Upon Grows) makes it fruitless
and profitless. Being fatally earnest at experiencing joy makes joy
unattainable.

You must gleefully play. Play like a child. Leap for joy at the thought
of your dreams. Dance in rapture with your goals. Sing with jubilation
about your fantasies. Recite jingles about your images with giggles.

Dance For Dreams

When you have thoughts of the marvelous things that are coming to
pass because of WYTUG, give them full expression. Think of your
perfect health and dance through the living room. Think of all that
your wealth will buy for yourself and others, leap up out of bed, and
dance as you make your coffee.

When you think of that new significant other you soon will be meeting,
make up a song and sing it to him or her.

Write Your Song

It doesn't have to be a masterpiece or even rhyme; it just has to
express how wonderful you feel. Or sing a song you already know.
Make up a jingle about the new job you are envisioning. It is only
for your ears so go wild.

So much money coming my way,
This job gets better every day,
I've reached the top and there I'll stay,
And they keep right on raising my pay.
Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay.

Silly? Maybe. But a jingle you write about any of your goals can
make you laugh. Yell it out loud. Dance to it. Sing it. Design a cheer
to it and be your own cheerleader. Oh, and get a copy of a rhyming
dictionary.

Waltz Your Hopes Around The Room

The point is to play with your goals. Embrace them with your whole
body, with abandon. Involve your vocal cords. Let your feet and arms
get in the act. Leap like a kitten. Skip rope with your dreams. Cheer
zestfully for yourself. Root loudly for your goals.

Daisy Daily Plan

Sit down, imagine that you have what you most want, and then write
everything you have just imagined. Next do what a kid would do
when he or she has just gotten the most desired gift in all the world.
What do wildly happy people do? They play. Now, you go play
with your goals-- in some or all of the ways suggested above -- as
you soon will be wildly happy. Your dreams are arriving. Can you
hear them singing jingles with you?

And please have an Upsy Daisy Day!

Yours in the spirit of laughter, joy, and silly songs,
Stephanie West Allen
Allen&Nichols Productions, Inc.,
http://www.allen-nichols.com
Bringing humor and motivation.

Comments/Jingles :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=JoyJingles

====> Accents

My wife and one of her Southern (USA, with the whole Southern
accent) female friends went into a Home Depot to look for some
plants.  My wife also needed a florescent bulb for a fixture in the
kitchen.

Her friend's son just added an iguana to their animal collection
and Darlene wanted a light that would function as a heat lamp. So,
these two attractively dressed 40ish women started talking to one
of the young salespeople.

Darlene asked if he had any "reptile bulbs." And the guy turned
bright red and turned away. My wife also started giggling and,
when the two of them made eye contact, it got even worse. He
eventually got under control, turned back and started giggling so
hard that he couldn't talk. My wife too.

On walking out of the store, Darlene had no clue. On reaching the
parking lot, my wife explained that, with Darlene's accent, "reptile"
got a bit butchered and sounded like "rectal."

No wonder they couldn't stop laughing. All in all, the guy handled
himself pretty well, methinks.

But I will BET that this story gets passed about the Home Depot
lunchroom a few times.

Scott Simmerman
The Square Wheels Guy
   - Tools for Training and Development <http://www.squarewheels.com/ >
   - Scott as Speaker <http://www.simmerman.com/ >

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Accents

===========  This week's Humor  ==========

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted
to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so
honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make
an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday,
and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're
better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers
Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde
super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

>From DC Stultz's The Morning Message
(http://www.darlcomm.com )

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

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Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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