I-Laugh Archives
Your Working Humor Discussion List

.........................................
I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
---------------------------------------------
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26th June  2002    #     Issue 65
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was beautiful and simple as all truly great swindles are.
~ O. Henry Porter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                             ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                           ~ Eva
_____________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Speaking Tips
                              ~ from Tom Antion

NEW DISCUSSIONS

Why so many people hate MLM ...
                             ~ Gunjan
                    ~ Eva

Tango with your Toast!
                              ~ Stephanie

Watch out for this new con!
                            ~ Gunjan

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

----------------   SPONSOR MESSAGE   -----------------

"NEED INK?... It's NO 'Laughing' matter when ya run out!"
Worse yet, Paying RETAIL prices! SAVE Up TO 80%!....

High Quality Ink Jet Cartridges, Refill  Kits and JetPak
pre-paid Mailers... Satisfaction IS Guaranteed!
FREE Printer Utilities! Come Save Now!
http://www.MaxPatchInk.com?laugh

----------  Please Support Our Kind Sponsor  ---------

Moderator's Message
-------------------------------------------------

Hi LaughMates,

This week we welcome Mark Gorkin, The Stress Doctor,
to our ranks. At this rate, like the dying colonel in Catch 22,
we should soon have ....

They hurled lights in his eyes to see if he could see, rammed
needles into his nerves to hear if he could feel. There was a
urologist for his urine, a lymphologist for his lymph, an
endocrinologist for his endocrines, a psychologist for his
psyche, a dermatologist for his derma; there was a pathologist
for his pathos, a cystologist for his cysts, and a bald and pedantic
cetologist from the zoology department at Harvard who had been
shanghaied ruthlessly into the Medical Corps by a faulty anode in
an I.B.M machine and spent his sessions with the dying colonel
trying to discuss Moby Dick with him.

Kidding aside, The Stress Doc has some really great articles
on his site and also sent me a busload to go over the weekend.
I started reading a great article in which he describes how
'Peter's 80:20 principle' works with personal effort too. Only
20% of the work you do yields 80% of the results. I stopped
to think about this and then started thinking whether reading
all those articles would be my most effective 20% work.

I haven't yet decided, so, unfortunately, I can't tell you more about
it. Maybe next week (if I decide it would be part of the effective
20% ;-)  until then you enjoy yourself with I-Laugh #65!

With Best Wishes,
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Subscribe to
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
64841-subscribe@zinester.com


Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments

----------
The Other Moderator's Comment
----------

Good morning, LaughMates,

I really like that concept of 20% of your work yielding 80% of
the results. So, let's see what we can do about eliminating that
other 80% of less productive work.

You think I'm kidding? Think about it. And also think about the
costs associated with those efforts.

In fact, that's just what we were discussing this weekend.
You see, my new (is it two years already?)  partner has finally
realized that he's not making as much money as should be, so
he's going back out on his own. His main objection (aside from me)
is the huge overhead we are carrying with payroll and rent.

Looking at what the staff time is spent on, it's clear that about
70% of it is spent on totally unprofitable tasks:

* Scheduling and rescheduling appointments (some, as many as 6 times!)
* Following up to remind people about their appointments
* Calling to get them to send us the missing information for their tax
   returns
* Doing extensions for the 100 -  200 people/businesses who haven't
   gotten us the information we need, at each extension period
* Calling people to remind them about deadlines (collections/audit, etc.)
* Making copies of tax returns (that they have in their own files) for their
         loan applications, and other purposesetc

And those are generally people who want to bargain on fees, or don't
want to  pay fees to cover the costs of holding their hands.
They just want really good customer service.

Let's face it, if we cut out those clients altogether, we might lose
$X0,000.
But, we'd also cut our costs by about that much. Hmmm....

In order to cut the overhead,  I've been considering moving the office
back into my house. Only, this time,  I'm married. And my husband
takes up a great deal of space. After all, he uses one room as his own
office space. And, for some reason, he feels entitled to  use  the living
room whenever he darn well feels like it.

As it stands now, my home office is in the back of the living room. So,
those times he comes home during the day and plops down in front of
the TV, or wants to carry on a conversation, it makes it tough to do
work requiring thought  (like writing). And it makes it  impossible to
carry on phone conversations, interviews with the press, etc. Fortunately,
it doesn't happen too often.

We've gotten quite a surprise. It ought to be pretty simple to just add a
room on (just a living room, rectangular, no plumbing and he would even
do the electrical himself). Quotes we're getting are around $25,000 -
$35,000!  I was expecting about $10,000. That's much more than I expected.

And so, I look back at that 80:20 principal.

If I only kept about half my client base, I could handle all the work
myself. No need to build out an office. Wouldn't rarely need staff. The
only clients I would see would be good friends, who are welcome in
my home, anyway. I wouldn't need nearly as much space for half the
files.

Most of my time would be productive. I would be doing about 60%
less work, cutting my expenses by about 75%  - and NETTING
more money.

Hmmmm....what a concept!

Only, I'd really hate to let my assistant go. I'd hate to see her lose her
stream of income.

So, have you looked at your client/customer base to see whether it
needs to be pruned?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=CutClients


Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com     -  and please visit TaxMama's Boutique:
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=taxmama

---------------   SPONSOR MESSAGE   -----------------
Internet solutions customized precisely to your
needs so you sell more, work smarter, grow faster.
                      > design | multimedia | eCommerce | database <
                      >  >  hosting | CRM | marketing | promotion   < <
Contact us today for a free strategic consultation.
mailto:info@ikestrel.com    http://www.ikestrel.com

----------  Please Support Our Kind Sponsor  ---------

=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

=== > Speaking Tips

BALLOONS by Tom Antion

Having owned an entertainment and balloon delivery company, I
feel uniquely qualified to address this topic. Here are some ways to
use balloons to add excitement to your presentation.

AIR FILLED
(just blow them up yourself or get an easy to carry hand pump
from your local party store)

=> Put slips of paper with the name of a door prize in the
balloon. Let participants pick a balloon, pop it and see what
prize they won.

=> Tie them to a string and hang from ceiling as decorations.

=> Use double stick tape and tape them to the floor as a border
from the entrance door to the seating area. This is also good to
take up space in a room that is too big for the number of chairs.

=> Pass empty balloons out to crowd. Have them blow them up and
make whistling noises by letting the air escape while stretching
the nozzle. Give prizes for best whistle song.

=> Pass out balloons and have audience members blow up and tie
them. Simulate a fireworks display (noise only) by having the
audience members stomp on the balloons.

=> Buy inexpensive balloon drop bags and pull ripcord, then
encourage fireworks tip above.

=> Make balloon animals and sculptures.

Next issue we'll talk about helium balloons, and safety and
environmental tips when dealing with balloons.

from Tom Antion's
Great Speaking

You can subscribe to Tom's free newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below)

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606

Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cartoon Break

Flow Chart
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/cl74.shtml

Good Samaritan
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/cl75.shtml

Don't ask the barber if you need a haircut!
http://jokeworm.com/CToons/cl76.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Why so many people hate MLM ...

Hi LaughMates,

Multi-Level Marketing in theory is a great concept. You don't
need to approach any strangers. Sell to a few friends and get
a commission and then when they sell to their friends you
get a commission on that too etc. So why do so many people
hate MLM?

Think for a moment that you are a buyer, not a seller. One of
the most painful experiences is to have a terrible and yet
pushy salesman selling something to you. Especially,
if you are too courteous to do a Dagwood Bumstead and kick
them out. Now imagine what could be worse, than the terrible
yet pushy salesman being your best friend, or your mother?

My kid brother (7 years younger than me) was extremely close
to one of my best friends and treated him just as he treated
me, like an elder brother. Unfortunately this close and respectful
relationship was murdered when my friend (let's call him X)
got into MLM.

My brother has taken a lot of time and trouble to get his
graphic designing unit off the ground and is extremely touchy
about it. X without realizing that sensitivity went into a long drawn
spiel in which he came up with statements like - 'Drop whatever you're
doing'; 'What will you earn with whatever you are doing in 10 years
time'; 'I can help you make more money in 3 years than you can on
your own in 10' etc.

Without trying to be insulting my brother tried on a couple of occasions
to tell X gently to restrict his pitch to whatever he had to offer and not
insult what he was doing as X had no idea about the scope of what he
was currently doing. Unfortunately X was so taken up with his own spiel
that he ignored all the gentle warnings and in the process lost the respect
that he had cultivated over a period of more than a decade.

As such if you are in, or are planning to get into MLM here are
a few suggestions.

1) Just because you plan on selling to known people and not
strangers do not think that you do not need to work on your
salesmanship.

2) Before you approach your friends, do approach a few strangers
who will have no hesitation in telling you if either your sales pitch
or the product you are trying to sell, sucks. (Friends will find it more
difficult to be honest with you for fear of hurting your feelings.)

With these in mind I would also suggest that you take a look at
Tom Antion's page ...
http://www.antion.com/t.cgi/194698/mlm.htm
... and consider buying his product.

As you know, Tom is a great speaker, who uses some fantastic
humorous techniques which should help you approach strangers
with confidence and optimize your pitch before you approach
friends, relatives or any known people (including Eva or Gunjan :-)

If You unlike X, are already a wonderful salesman and have enlisted
quite a few people in your chain. Double check to see if they too
are already good salespeople. Cause, if these people flop, then too
your chains go nowhere. In that case maybe you can recommend
this product to them and ensure that people under you improve their
abilities so that your chains keep doing well.

[ To sign up for Tom's affiliate program
http://www.antion.com/t.cgi/194698/associates/assoc_program.htm ]

Gunjan
www.workinghumor.com  - Let your Humor Work for you !

Comments
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=MLM

===> And Eva's 2 cents

First a story....

Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. And he was really exactly that. You
know, the kind of guy you read about in those teen books, or see in the
old 50's type sitcoms. He'd hang out at our house, drop in, uninvited
exactly at dinner time, and just generally, be underfoot. I never had a
romantic thought about him - he was too much like a pesky brother.

Well, time passes, I marry, get divorced, he marries, finishes medical
school and moves away. One day, this letter arrives from his wife.
Carol says, "David is going to be in your town next week. I hope you
have time to have dinner with him. Please?"

Raising my eyebrows, I look at that letter, thinking, "Gee, Carol, just
because I turned down his proposals twice, do you really think this is
wise?"

But, what the heck, he came. We went out to dinner. And he was all
excited about some new project - and it had nothing to do with medicine.
And he wouldn't tell me what it was, yet. But he started talking all around
it, and about how wonderful it was, and about how much money he was
making, how he had a picture of a gold Mercedes taped to his bathroom
mirror - and just made enough money to buy it, with the license number
GOAL ONE, and how he was thinking of leaving the hospital to pursue
this full time.  (Meanwhile, I'm sitting  there, in a catatonic stupor,
wondering why is he going on and on like this, and why do I care?)

And he wants me to benefit from this, too.

Aha! That's why he's here.

Before he starts up again,  I ask him, "So, David, how long HAVE you
been doing Amway?"

Dead silence. David's dropped jaw finally relaxes and he asks, "How did
you know?"

Frankly, the main thing I hate about MLM sales pitches is that they are so
indirect and waste so much of our time. While the product might actually
be good, interesting or desirable..the approach is a real drag.  Let's face
it, in this world, communication is swift. Word spreads. If there's a new
program out, people are hearing about it. Why not just get to the point,
for heaven's sake?!

Better yet, write up a good, little intro and send people to your website to
get the details. In fact, here's a nifty tool designed specifically to help
you
build your MLM system - http://wtpowers.com/Content/Main.asp

While MLM may not be my first choice of  marketing channels, do not
scoff. Those folks make a fortune. They really do - at least the ones that
find the right products and work them.

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com    -  and please visit TaxMama's Boutique:
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=taxmama

---------------   SPONSOR MESSAGE   -----------------
Explode your subscriber list, collect hundreds of opt-in
subscribers for your e-zine, try us for a month and get
100 FREE, subscribers for a limited time only. Don't delay
your competitors are doing it, and you should too!
<a href=" http://www.opt_in_magnet.com ">Learn More </a>

----------  Please Support Our Kind Sponsor  ---------

====> Powerful Medicine: Tango with Your Toast
©Copyright 2002 Stephanie West Allen

POWER IN THE COMIC ZONE

The Comic Zone contains much laughter. People in the Comic
Zone are infused with the spirit of laughter, they have an aura
of smiles. They have high self-mirth. And that is good for those
inhabiting the Comic Zone because laughter has power.

Great power. Sacred power. Astounding power. We should
honor laughter and what it does for us. Laughter torpedoes
stress levels, accelerates learning, catapults creativity,
forges strong teams, and strengthens our health. It gives
us many gifts.

It is a magic potion, elixir of life and fountain of youth all
rolled up into one hearty hee-haw.

LOTS OF LAUGHS A DAY KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY

A study out of University of Maryland indicates that laughter
reduces the risk of coronary heart disease. A press release
about the study from the University said: "People with
heart disease were less likely to recognize humor or use
it to get out of uncomfortable situations. They generally
laughed less, even in positive situations and they displayed
more anger and hostility."

  "We know that exercising, not smoking and eating foods low
in saturated fat will reduce the risk of heart disease. Perhaps
regular, hearty laughter should be added to the list," said Dr.
Miller, one of the researchers.

Dr. Miller talked about daily laughter going hand in hand with
other heart-healthy activities, such as stair climbing
instead of using the elevator. "We could perhaps read
something humorous or watch a funny video and try to find
ways to take ourselves less seriously."

Dr. Miller added: "The recommendation for a healthy heart
may one day be -- exercise, eat right and laugh a few
times a day."

All right! Go, laughter!

AND TODAY . . .

Rise and shine. Your first few waking minutes can set the
tone, the mood, for the whole day.

What are you going to do to establish your day as one of
laughter? Well, laugh, of course. Do something outrageous.
Something you have NEVER done before.

Howl at the rising sun. Dance a jig with your toothbrush,
and let the toothbrush lead. Serenade your slippers. Skip out
to get the paper, and wave at any neighbors you see; ask them
to skip with you. Make a monkey face in the mirror.

Rumba with your razor. Tango with your toast. Look deep into
the eyes of your eggs and recite words of adoration and
egg-doration. Put your head under your sheet and blanket,
all the way to the foot of the bed, and pretend your are in a
fort of felicity. Sing a song in gibberish. Call someone and
start their day with your very favorite joke.

Jump rope with an invisible rope. Jump rope with your
pantyhose. Throw your pantyhose away. Put your underwear
in the freezer for a while before wearing it. Do jumping
jacks on your bed and bounce high, high, high.

Walk like a chicken as you cook your eggs. Snort like a pig
as you cook your bacon. When the toast pops up from the
toaster, pop up with it; try to hit the ceiling. Percolate with
your coffee and do the caffeine caper all over the kitchen --
all over the house. Have a conversation, as you
eat, with your silverware -- out loud.

Just get wild and crazy. Laugh now and you'll laugh later.
Laugh big. Laugh broad. Laugh bold.

©Copyright 2002 Stephanie West Allen

---------------Resource Box-----------------------
Stephanie West Allen, JD, brings humor and motivation
to associations and organizations. http://www.allen-nichols.com
Stephanie also coaches people in using the two Merry Maxims:
WYTUG (What You Think Upon Grows) and LULU (Loosen Up,
Lighten Up) to achieve prosperity, health, self-expression,
and harmonized relationships.
Contact her at mailto:Stephanie@allen-nichols.com
-------------------------------------------------

Comments
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=ToastedTango

====> Watch out for this con!

Hi Laughmates,

Here's a warning for site owners which I came across in The
Active Internet Marketing ezine. Although we have to be wary of
these conmen, the ingenuity with which they came up with these
new schemes keeps amazing me. I found this con brilliant and
amusing, but I do hope that none of us have fallen for it. Please
do double check.

We are approached by other site owners for link exchanges
all the time. The writer of this piece Bob McElwain
<http://sitetipsandtricks.com>  was approached for a link exchange
stating that his site had been selected and was linked, giving the url
to the page which linked to his site and requesting for a reciprocal
link.

As the page which had his link was done quite tastefully, he considered
a return link but thought he'd double check the rest of the site too.
The home page was done well too, except for one little catch. There
was no link to the page that carried his link. That page was a dummy
page with no links to it anywhere on the site. As such, no way that it
would generate any traffic whatsoever.

So .... with a word of caution to be careful while you're exchanging links
or while somebody is giving you an MLM scheme to sell and resell
The Brooklyn Bridge .... I'm outa here for this week.

Best Wishes,
Gunjan
www.workinghumor.com  - Let your Humor Work for you !

Comments
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=LinkCon

===========  This week's Humor  ==========

Information please...

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Dallas,  please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure you have the
spelling correct?
Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

Caller: I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room.

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water

Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.

Caller: I'd like the number for a Reverend in Fort Worth, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.

Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
Caller: Er, yes.

(From The Morning Message)

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh :
http://workinghumor.com/advertise.shtml

FAQ, Information & Archives at our website,
http://workinghumor.com

© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg

YOU have permission to publish any part of I-Laugh
electronically free of charge, under the following
conditions:

First: The author of the piece receives full credit,
with all links to their e-mail address &/or site intact

Second: The following byline is included.
"This article is reproduced with permission from I-Laugh,
Your Working Humor Discussion List.
http://www.workinghumor.com
© Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg "

However, if you are getting paid for your  publication
(it is by paid subscription), please be good enough to
contact us to arrange a payment  to us for the material
you are using.

A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated..

Home

I -Laugh

Info for Newbies
Submission Guidelines
Archives
Articles Index
Advertise


Business Cartoons

Resources

Selling Humor

Professional Humor
Medical Humor
Educational Humor
Military Humor
Advertising Humor

If you've had enough 'Serious' Humor relax in our 'pun' zone -
Jest For Pun

About Us

Contact Us



OLD TIME RADIO


Check out WorkingHumor.com's new Facebook Page


If you had learnt French and its getting rusty
you're in the same boat as us.
Join us as we share jokes, funny poems etc
(along with help files) and row hard ;!
Facebook Page
Blog



WorkingHumor.com now has a Facebook Page. It's still a baby, hasn't learnt how to dance yet
but maybe you're the one we're waiting for, to get the party started ;o!
Check it out here

Custom Search