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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
---------------------------------------------

Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
23rd October  2002    #     Issue 82
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember, a book makes a great gift, especially if
you read it before you give it.
~ Scott Adams
( That reminds me .... his latest book is out! Check it out at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060518057/ref=nosim/ilaugh-20 )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                                            ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                            ~ Eva
_____________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Comments on the Moderator's Comment
                           ~ Tom Trottier

Rude Clients
                            ~ Tom Trottier

Lateral Thinking
                            ~ Tom Trottier

Speaking Tip
                             ~ from Tom Antion

NEW DISCUSSIONS

Will punsters rule the web?
                            ~ Gunjan

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Message
-------------------------------------------------

Hi LaughMates,

I was disappointed that other than Tom, none of you
even attempted to solve the lateral thinking puzzles.
(And Tom had come across both the puzzles before,
but his 'new' solutions had me rolling on the floor.)

However Winston Churchill once said -
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be
subtle or clever. Use the pile driver. Hit the point once.
Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time;
a tremendous whack.

So I've included another two lateral thinking puzzles,
this week. Let's see if I can wake up at least a few of you
without having to resort to the tremendous whack ! ;-)

And don't miss the post on possibilities of Punsters
roasting the rule .... I mean ruling the roost on the web
as you swim your way through I-Laugh #82. (If you do
receive this issue)

With Best Wishes,
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Subscribe to
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
64841-subscribe@zinester.com


Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments

----------
The Other Moderator's Comment
----------

Dear LaughMates,

Well, another week has passed swiftly. My Insiders Series Seminar
last Thursday went off amazingly well. Of course, it started out a
bit rocky. Let's see,...

My assistants, who are both extremely punctual and conscientious
didn't show up at 7:00 a.m. to set up. I was going to call them, but
had to look for their cell phone numbers and my phone book was
buried under something so I just kept working on the set-up until I
could un-earth the book. Just about that time, they showed up.
They'd both been waiting for me at the front of the facility since
6:45 a.m. I never went that way. I just drove straight up the side
to the banquet entrance.

Meanwhile, Pam, the IRS coordinator had shown up, with one of
the speakers. I let them know a last-minute speaker from the State
sales tax office had just confirmed the previous evening. She hadn't
made room  for him on the agenda (which was seriously full). So, I
told her, don't worry, we'll just take 15 minutes from the State
income tax guy's presentation. The gentleman with her suddenly
gave me the oddest look..., "Oh, you're cutting MY segment?"
Barry said. (How to make friends and influence people. sigh)

As we were getting organized, Barry, our friendly State guy, greeted
another male IRS Section Chief as Carol. (Seems Pam had put Carl's
name on the agenda as 'Carol.') This man had a remarkably delightful
sense of humor and fun. And he really enjoyed Barry's and my
ribbing all day - and my intro about his identity crisis.

During my opening remarks, describing the logistics, the schedule,
then the special meal requests (vegetarian and fruit), one of the CPAs
(I'd never met) started to heckle me. I riposted right back - and we
set the  tone of  casual, light humor for the day. Turns out, he was
someone I'd spoken to on the phone - and he'd enjoyed the silliness
so much that he'd brought three people from his office. He knew
I'd be able to handle the teasing. He was invaluable in helping to
set the mood. (In tense, serious situations, sometimes, it's even
worth paying a heckler to ease the air.) After all, this seminar
was about taxes - and our (Tax Pros') gripes about what our
government is doing to us and our clients.

Somehow, I kept the agenda well on track, and the audience totally
in stitches. Seems I was doing so well moderating and cutting off
inappropriate digressions that several of the IRS managers and at
least two bank VPs (sponsors) offered me jobs.

(And one of the guys I'd cut off, came up to me afterwards and
even complimented me. Shocked me all to pieces.)

Incidentally, did you know that the top job at the Internal
Revenue Service is open? Congress is interviewing for a new
IRS Commissioner.

Qualifications?

CEO of a corporation. (Preferably Fortune 500 or 100)

Willingness to let your last 5 years of tax returns be ripped to
shreds by Congress and the press.

Desire to have the press and political aides dig into any minor aspect
of your past and bring all your sins, real or imagined, to the harsh
light of the press.

Have anyone you've ever slighted, or who believes you have, step
up to a microphone and tear down your character.

Reward?

Staggering cut in pay. (from millions to low 6 figures)

Mandate to inspire, guide and manage thousands of the most
reviled people in the country - the tax collectors and auditors.

Work in Washington, DC, one of the toughest neighborhoods
in the country.

Do you fit the bill? Contact your Congressperson right now.
And, ladies, there's no glass ceiling here. Step right up!

Comic Guide

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com   - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns
http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/prod.aspx?p=supertaxmama.2512425
http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/store.aspx?s=happytax

P.S. Want to chat? Join me on Thursday morning at 2:00 p.m. EST
as Fay "Rat Dog" Faron and I discuss how you can
"Syndicate your articles in newspapers"
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=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

=== > Comments on Moderator's Comments ...

Dear Gunjan,

You wrote in "I-Laugh # 81 - I Love Crooked Ideas" :

 > "Research shows us that if parking lines are painted in paved lots,
 > people will park between them, even when they are the only
 > ones in the lot."

Was this in Britain?

I think the experience would be different in Pakistan or Ghana.

tOM

Moderator's Comment - Tom, You're absolutely right.
In fact the result would vary in different parts of India itself.

Amazing how I never thought of that .... Ah!! I hate
it when I get caught parking between the painted lines ! ;-)
Gunjan

Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=ModComments

===> Rude Clients

Eva,

I've heard that thermal fax machines don't like receiving
standard resolution long BLACK faxes which say,
white on black, "Send no more faxes to me."

tOM

[Eva: Ah, thank you. But. I don't like harmful retaliation.
Me? I'm the kind of person you really need to watch out for.
You do me harm, and one day, you're just likely to have
something really nice happen to you - and you won't know
where it came from. Now that, my friend, is the best revenge.]


Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=RudeClients

=== > Lateral Thinking

 > 1) A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water.
 > The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says
 > 'Thank you' and walks out.

He had the hiccups.

Or... he is an American in Iraq and figures he has been treated well
when the barman didn't shoot right away...

Or... He is a Canadian, and very polite even when his request is refused.

 > 2) A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at
 > which point he knew he was bankrupt. Why?

It was his hotel. He saw the foreclosure notice. (He musta had
inklings before, when he couldn't buy any gas...)

Or...He was playing Monopoly

tOM

===> New Puzzles

A man lives on the tenth floor of a building. Every day he takes
the elevator to go down to the ground floor to go to work or to
go shopping. When he returns he takes the elevator to the
seventh floor and walks up the stairs to reach his apartment
on the tenth floor. He hates walking so why does he do it?

and

Deep in the forest was found the body of a man who was wearing
only swimming trunks, snorkel and facemask. The nearest lake was
8 miles away and the sea was 100 miles away. How had he died?
(This is supposedly based on a true incident.)

[Eva: Clearly, in the first instance, the guy is overweight and needs
exercise, but too wimpy to walk up all 10 floors.

As to the second one....I say the CSI episode they built around it,
so I must excuse myself. ]

Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=LTPuzzles

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=== > Speaking Tip

Week before last we started off with 'why use humor' in
Public Speaking. If last weeks reasons weren't enough for
you here are a few more reasons ....

Using humor does the following for you:

HELPS EMPHASIZE POINTS AND IDEAS.
Anyone who has ever taken a simple speaking course knows
that you must hit your audience on the head with your point over
and over before they get it. Humor is one of the hammers
you can use.

DISARMS HOSTILITY.
Nonfrivolous humor can be used to take the edge
off audiences that are clearly against you.

REDUCES RELATIVE STATUS.
Many of you are what I call the "big-shots" of your organization.
Your position as boss creates a big barrier to listening. Don't forget,
"BOSS" spelled backwards is double-SOB and that's the way your audience will
look at you if lord your status over them. Making
a little fun of yourself (self-effacing humor) will do wonders for
opening lines of communication.

OVERCOMES OVERLY FLATTERING INTRODUCTIONS.
Introducers come in all quality levels. If you get one that makes you
sound like God, it will create expectations in the audience that you
couldn't possibly live up to. Humor can neutralize that problem
instantly.


[This is an extract from Tom Antion's ebook Wake 'em Up.
You can get your own copy via
http://www.workinghumor.com/wake.htm

This extract is not from Tom Antion's Great Speaking
Newsletter. However the Newsletter has tons of great
tips too.

You can subscribe FREE to Tom's newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606

Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Will Punsters rule the web ?

If spam is debatably the biggest pain in the neck on the
web, the solutions so far to counter this pain in the neck
are the most amusing.

I remember when some time back I had in my fun
newsletter - Jest for Pun, requested my subscribers to
please help me put together an audience or readership
profile by sending in their ages, sex, and location I got
a couple of messages saying "Please don't not use the
word 'sex' when emailing this domain".
I got similar messages for words like ass and nob.

This didn't worry me too much, though it had me thinking
how a user of that domain would ever receive a bio-data.
However a couple of weeks back I received Dr. Ralph
Wilson's 'Web Marketing Today' Newsletter with the
word free written as fre* and bonus written as b*nus.
Just imagine that. You write to a friend asking him/her
whether they are free to join you for lunch on Saturday
and you get no reply. You wonder why your friend has
turned rude but the correct reason is that his/her ISP in
it's zeal to protect him/her from spam has knocked off
your message. (If the invitation was from somebody
like Gunjan, you might indeed consider yourself
'protected'! ;-)

And now I get a message from The Write Thinking
Newsletter which warns me that some filters have gone
to the extent of filtering the word 'subscribe' which in
effect would ensure that you no longer got any newsletters
at all since most newsletters will have a subscribe and
unsubscribe option.

Maybe it's time we let the punsters in ourselves loose and
instead of "subscribe" start using words like 'underwriter';
'juniorplay'right'; 'occasionaljounalist'.

Just in case you've just got up and are wondering what I'm
talking about sub can mean under, junior or in chemistry it
denotes a compound containing a relatively small portion
of a component, e.g. - suboxide. So a subscribe would be .....
;-)

If you have any more suggestions, or would like to suggest
punny alternatives for any other words which you feel may
be the next targets for spam filters, please do send them in.
If we get enough words we'll compile a Spam Filter
Dodger Dictionary. I have a sneaking suspicion that
that should sell. ;-)

Gunjan

Comments
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=FilterDodgers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turning Dreams into Dollars...

An ebook in which you won't find the get-rich-quick
garbage or motivational fluff that sounds good but never
works. Not too surprising, since the editors of
Internet ScamBusters are publishing it."

http://ebooks.wz.com/wealth/a277.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===========  This week's Humor ==============

NEW WORDS FOR 2002 -
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:

BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER:
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM:
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see
what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO:
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMS:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them
stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because
the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you
find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device
to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE:
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they
were designed to solve.

404:
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
message "404  Not Found," meaning that the requested document
could not be located.

GENERICA:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no
matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake.

(Thanks Dianne)

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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