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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

20th November  2002    #     Issue 86
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
- Alex Levine


Moderator's Comment -
                                              ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                              ~ Eva


Eva's Coffee
                             ~ dc

Ideas to ponder over .... and Discuss
                              ~ Gunjan

Speaking Tip
                               ~ from Tom Antion


Keeping upto date with Neologism
                             ~ Tom Trottier

Look over your shoulder occasionally
                     ~  Gunjan


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Moderator's Comments

Dear Laughmates,

I'm having a lot of trouble with Virus. (Don't worry,
my computer and this mail is absolutely clean.)

I've been thinking of starting to add a header reading ...

This Mail is not supposed to contain attachments.
If it did please do not open them and alert me. Thank You

... to all my mails. I discussed it with Uncle Joe (whom we renamed
as Chacha Joe on Children's Day this year) and he likes the idea.
What do you all think? When we send mail (offline) we follow a
practice of listing all the enclosures. Isn't it high time we started
doing that online too? It should help to protect your associates
and friends from involuntary damage that you might cause from
time to time.

If one does send attachments the header should be modified and
should include the number, filename and size of the attachment.
Of course as Woody Allen would (that sounds too much like
"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck
could chuck wood" for comfort) say... "At present it's just a thought,
but with your backing ......."

Going back to my opening para .... "I'm still having trouble
with virus" ...."my computer is clean" contradictory statements?
Not for those of you who remember that virus have been
affecting humans much before the advent of computers.
Two days back, Eva mentioned having a bad flu in
I-Helpdesk, next day I have it too. I'm in India, she's in Nevada....
And she hasn't even sent me a mail !!!
How on earth did ....... ;-)

Anyway, enough of my flu inspired rambling. You run along
and enjoy the rest of I-Laugh #86 while I sip my bran ...
I mean my medication. ;-)

With best (and very warm ;) wishes,

Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


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Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

OK, the famous move is done. The unpacking continues,
it seems, for life.  We finally got the computers networked
and all connected to the Internet.

Everything is an adventure. Our techie, Paul, shows up, thinking
it's a slam-dunk. After all, he set up the DSL connection in the
first place. Got the bugs out of that. Knew Rick had strung  Cat6
cable all through the house and connected all the equipment.
He had a list of the switches and routers we'd bought, so he
already knew it was all compatible. And yet, due to little glitches,
(and, ok, a typo in the DNS files), he couldn't get three of the
computers to go online. (Don't ask why we have 4 computers
in one room...OK, five.)

Finally, he's got everything working. And thinks he's done. Then,
I remind him that I want the computers networked to each other, too.
Oh, no sweat. After all, it was already set up in the old office, using
Windows' internal Network Neighborhood tools.

Around 5:30,  asked him, "Paul, do you think you should call your
wife?" He shrugged and started to answer, when his cell phone
rang. Yup. Wife. He promises he'll be home within the hour.

A while later, I ask, "Paul, do you think you should call your
wife?" (Are you figuring out yet, that I'm psychic?) And again,
the phone rings before I complete the sentence.

Part of his problem, and frustration was that somehow, while he was
working, he'd knocked out the mouse on the keyboard's keypad - and
he must have spent nearly an hour trying to revive that poor rodent.

The next day, having the computers all to myself, I somehow got it
working (moving the mouse's plug to all available connections past
the rat's nest in the back of the computer,  I found one that actually
got it to work. AND the computer stopped freezing up when ignored
for more than 15 minutes.

Then, QuickBooks stopped working.

Ever have days when your computer devours all your time?

My 80 (mumble) year old mother observed, in our last conversation,
that with all the labor saving devices we now have, we have less
free time than they had in her youth, when they were still doing
dishes and plucking chickens by hand.

And on that note,...I will go tackle my computer and see if it's
working today.

Your Comic Guide

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com   - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns

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=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

=== > Eva's Coffee

Eva talking about coffee at work rang a bell of a conversation
I had early this very morning.

DC: The cafeteria is open now if you want some coffee.
New employee: I quit drinking coffee at work.
DC: Oh? Why?
New employee: I found that it kept me awake.

Honest! That was the conversation. And the guy delivered his lines
with a straight face. Of course, we both cracked up after the delivery.
Guess DC should hang out a shingle for freelance work as a straight man.


Comments -

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====> Thoughts to Ponder .... and discuss

The passage last week was ...

No fact is more firmly established than that lying is a necessity
of our circumstances--the deduction that it is then a Virtue goes
without saying. No virtue can reach its highest usefulness without
careful and diligent cultivation--therefore, it goes without saying
that this one ought to be taught in the public schools--even in the
newspapers. What chance has the ignorant uncultivated liar against
the educated expert? What chance have I against Mr. Per--against
a lawyer? _Judicious_ lying is what the world needs. I sometimes
think it were even better and safer not to lie at all than to lie
injudiciously. An awkward, unscientific lie is often as ineffectual
as the truth.

I'm surprised no one took a guess at whose words these were
or even commented on the topic as "lying" I feel is a very interesting
topic to discuss.

The passage was taken from Mark Twain's essay - 'On the Decay
of the Art of Lying'. It was read at a meeting of the Historical and
Antiquarian Club of Hartford and offered for the Thirty-Dollar Prize.
Guess what .... it DIDN'T win the prize. (I'm hunting for the essay
that did win the prize.)

As to my own thoughts on the subject although I agree with Mark
Twain that the Art of Lying is very important and should be practiced
in earnest, I'm not sure that it should be 'taught' in schools. That, would
take all the fun out of it and make it boring. It's much more challenging
to practice it (unofficially) in school on your own with your teacher
screaming "Tell me the truth, or .....". Passing an exam like that is much
more important than marks on a report card.

I think the way it is currently encouraged ..."Don't you ever lie to me"
is good enough incentive for children to keep practicing this art on their
own. Who was it that said ..... "I never let me schooling interfere with
my education!" ;-)

That's my 2 cents worth on the subject. I've got another 4-5 cents
worth on the subject but I'll hold it back till I see your 2 cents worth.


Comments -

=== > Speaking Tip

Strategies just before the program. Remember Stage fright usually
goes away after you start. The tricky time is before you start.

    Be in the room at least an hour early if possible to triple check
everything.You can also schmooze with participants arriving early.

    Notice and think about things around you.

    Concentrate on searching for current and immediate things that
are happening at the event that you can mention during your talk
(especially in the opening).

    Get into conversation with people near you. Be very intent on
what they are saying.

    Yawn to relax your throat.


    Draw sketches of a new car you would like to have.

    Look at your notes.

    Put pictures of your kids/grandkids, dog, etc., in your notes.

    Build a cushion of time in the day so you are not rushed but
not too much time. You don't want to have extra time to worry.

    If your legs are trembling, lean on a table, sit down,
or shift your legs.

    Take a quick walk.

    Take quick drinks of tepid water.

    Double check your A/V equipment.

    Don't drink alcohol or coffee or tea with caffeine.

    Concentrate on your ideas.

    Hide notes around the stage area so you know you have a
backup if you happen to draw a blank.

    Concentrate on your audience.

    Listen to music.

    Read a poem.

    Do isometrics that tighten and release muscles.

    Shake hands and smile with attendees before the program.

    Say something to someone to make sure your voice is ready to go.

    Go somewhere private and warm up your voice, muscles, etc.

    Use eye contact.

    Go to a mirror and check out how you look.

    Breathe deeply, evenly, and slowly for several minutes.

    Don't eat if you don't want to and never take tranquilizers or
other such drugs. You may think you will do better, but you will
probably do worse and not know it.

Strategies when the program begins

    If legs are trembling, lean on lectern /table or shift legs or move.

    Try not to hold the microphone by hand in the first minute.

    Don't hold notes. The audience can see them shake.
Use three-by-five cards instead.

    Take quick drinks of tepid water.

    Use eye contact. It will make you feel less isolated.

    Look at the friendliest faces in the audience.

    Joke about your nervousness. What's the right wine
to go with fingernails?

Remember nervousness doesn't show one-tenth as much as it feels.
Before each presentation make a short list of the items you think will
make you feel better. Don't be afraid to experiment with different
combinations. You never know which ones will work best until
you try. Rewrite them on a separate sheet and keep the sheet with
you at all times so you can refer to it quickly when the need arises.

Use these steps to control stage fright so it doesn't control you.

[This is an extract from Tom Antion's ebook Wake 'em Up.
You can get your own copy from

This extract is not from Tom Antion's Great Speaking Newsletter.
However the Newsletter has tons of great tips too.

You can subscribe FREE to Tom's newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Keeping upto date with Neologism

Dear Gunjan

Some Laughmates may be interested in this neologism....

parachute kids (PAIR.uh.shoot kidz) n.

Children sent to a new country to live alone or with a caregiver
while their parents remain in their home country.
Also: parachute children.

  Example Citation
Some Chinese immigrant women from Hong Kong have become
  "astronaut" wives, ... staying in Canada with their children while
their husbands returned to Hong Kong to work. However, their
stories of isolation and loneliness were harrowing. Although not
found in my study, some women from Hong Kong who were
discouraged by their underemployment and unemployment in
Canada resolved to return to Hong Kong to find work along
with their husbands, leaving their children alone in Canada.
While outside of the scope of my research, the long-term effects
of "parachute children" warrants serious investigation.
--Guida Man, "Globalization and the erosion of the
welfare state," Canadian Woman Studies, March 2002

Earliest Citation
Craig, a high school senior, lives a fantasy most teen-agers only
dream. He and his sister Zoe, 14, live in a sprawling San Marino
ranch house, their one chaperon an elderly servant who speaks no
English...Craig and Zoe are examples of a phenomenon so familiar in
the Chinese community that there is a nickname for it: "parachute
kids" -- dropped off to live in the United States while their wealthy
parents remain in Asia.

The parents, mostly from Taiwan, want their children in more open,
less cutthroat U.S. school systems, in which the chances of getting
into college are much greater.

  Parents may place their children with distant relatives or paid
caretakers, or simply buy a house for them and have them stay alone.
Under these scenarios, the youngsters often live much as adults would,
deciding when to go to sleep or attend school and whether dinner will
consist of leafy greens or potato chips.



====> Look over your shoulder occasionally

Hi Friends,

"It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are
trying to lead -- and find no one there" said Franklin D. Roosevelt.

It's been one of my favorite quotes for some time. The last few
times that it has come to my mind has been for something totally
unrelated to leadership.

A newsletter I'm subscribed to has been using Topica as its
listhosting service. Topica offers a free service in return for placing
ads at the top and bottom of the newsletter. Now the gentleman
who runs this newsletter, used to start each issue with the line
"Everything above this line has been placed here by out list host
at Topica.com We are not responsible for any of these messages."
Not a very sporting thing to do in my opinion but that's not the point
I'm trying to bring you.

Recently, somebody at Topica must have discovered this and they
came up with a counterploy. They now put their ad below that line.
You should see how silly that line looks with nothing above it. It's
supposed to be a serious ezine but every time I see that line hanging
like that I crack up laughing seeing the way his 'strategy' has been
made to look ridiculous and can hardly get my concentration back
to the serious topics.

With every issue I wonder when the list owner will realize
the futility of that line and remove it but it's been 4 weeks and
there's been no change. The whole thing makes me wonder...
Should we look over our shoulder only when we're trying to lead ?
Or should it be a regular practice with whatever we do ??



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===========  This week's Humor ==============

Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband
and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in
search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said,
"We're getting closer."

"How do you know?" I asked.

He pointed to a sign that read,

"Sonny's Bar-B-Q--Tank Parking Available."

Comments :


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Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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