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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

27th November  2002    #     Issue 87
"To assault evil, even small evil, with mischief, cleverness,
merriment, and laughter - that takes genius..."
~ Robert Fulghum


Moderator's Comment -
                                               ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                               ~ Eva


Parachute Kids
                    ~ June Campbell
                    ~ The Pun Gent Guy

The Warning
                   ~ J D Lentz (The Doc)
                   ~ Gunjan

Computer Corner
                  ~ Joseph Harris

Looking Back
                ~ Joseph Harris
                ~ Mr. Predictable

Speaking Tip
                                ~ from Tom Antion


Tally Ha
                  ~ Gunjan


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Moderator's Comments

Dear Laughmates,

I'm going to take a rain check on my comments for
this issue because of the number of comments I've
thrashed out all over this issue ...

Let me leave you something from Jim Ertner's super
book "The Biggest Book of Animal Riddles" to
ruminate over ....

What is the purpose of reindeer?

So would you like to float over to
http://snipurl.com/aniriddle, purchase your copy
and find the answer yourself?

Ok. Ok. I'll give it to you but you'd have had
more fun with the first method. Trust me. ;)
Anyway the answer is...

It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

Go ahead, groan and go on with I-Laugh # 87.

With best wishes,
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Well, My Friends,

My City of Los Angeles is on the warpath again.
My phone has been ringing off the hook with frantic
calls from clients getting these nasty notices from the
city kindly offering to assess them for three years worth
of City Business Taxes.

(It's like, what, a week or two after the elections, where
the voters did not vote to split up L.A. into three cities -
Hollywood, Camelot (The San Fernando Valley) and L.A.
Do you think our kind Mayor, the Honorable Mr. Hahn
is trying to punish us for making the vote so close?)

Now, if this were any other city in Southern California,
it wouldn't be such a big deal. Business licenses just
about anywhere else are a flat $25 or $75.

But, no, L.A. wants a pound of flesh. To operate here, you
need to give them a slice, off the top. L.A. demands a percentage
of your sales, not your profits. You could have million dollar
loss - and still pay the City tens of thousands of dollars for the
right to do business here. Even IRS and our state are kind enough
to leave you alone when you're in pain.

And who's getting these notices? Little old ladies(lol), with residual
MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) commissions, or left-over royalties,
folks who live in the County, not the City, but, best of all - not me.
(Could it be because I already pay it twice, for two businesses?)

Sitting here, trying to compose myself to compose polite letters
on behalf of the lol's, I just happened to remember, they passed
a new article in the City ordinances, exempting people who earn
less than $5,000 per year. (Finally, something for the little guy!)
So, none of these lol need to pay, anyway!

The letter gets instantly easier. And more polite.  I'm a hero!

Why the City even sent them these nasty, extorting letters anyway,
I do not know. Their clerks say they got the list of people from
IRS, who provided income information.  They had to have known.

So, it's good to know the voters voted to remain under the
dominion of kind and honorable folks like Jimmy Hahn.

Now, let's see what he does with our money!

Have you had any brainstorms that turned you from scapegoat
to hero lately? Ohhh, tell us!

Your Comic Guide

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com   - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns

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=====  Continuing Discussions  =====

=== > Parachute Kids

In Vancouver, we've coined an additional term. Rice Rocket. Rice
Rocket is the phrase used to describe the souped up,  high powered
vehicles that young Asian males (typically parachute kids) often drive.
The occurrence of high speed races on public streets has become such
a problem, and resulting accidents so commonplace, that Vancouver
Police Constable Wes Fung has taken to writing articles for the local
newspaper in which he calls upon the Asian community to address the
issue. Lest I be accused of racism, I want to point out that Fung, an
Asian himself,  is an analyst with the Vancouver police collision
investigation unit.

June Campbell, Vancouver

Comment by The Horrible Punster .....
"You be accused of racism ??
I thought you were accusing the kids with souped up vehicles
of racism! ;-)"

Comments -

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====> Warning


In your comments last week you said ...

> I've been thinking of starting to add a header reading ...

> This Mail is not supposed to contain attachments.
> If it did please do not open them and alert me. Thank You

My offered suggestion would be to re-write it a trifle so the antecedent
and pronouns make a little more sense. It is obvious what you mean to
say, but you might try something like this.

This e-mail does not contain attachments. (You might consider, as per
your other idea, "This e-mail contains ___ attachments.  You could put
the number "0" or some other digit in the blank space if, indeed, your
email does contain attachments.)

If it did.....  (Probably better said, "If it does....") do not open them
and alert me. (Well, this one is kinda funny. This is like a catch-22 line,
"I always didn't say it."  It could be read to say, "do not open them and
do not alert me."  Maybe you could say, "If it does, and if the number of
attachments noted above does not match the number I have sent, please
leave them all unopened, and alert me at your earliest convenience." or
something of that sort.  If that's too long, try, "If it does, leave them
unopened.  Please alert me at your convenience."  Well, I think maybe
it would just leave less to wonder about if, at the least, you omit the
conjunction and make two sentences out of the one that you have now.)

Maybe I'm just being picky for some reason. It's one-thirty in the morning,
and .....

JD Lentz
Jest in Literature (A)
> From Carpe Diems to Crappy Dictums

Moderator's Comments
Chacha Joe is the only one who seems to have started using
this idea. His modified version was

This Mail should not contain attachments. If it does,
please do not open them and alert me. Thank You

I see it still doesn't take care of the Catch 22 problem.
(After all, those are the best problems to date ;-). How about....

This Mail should not contain attachments. If it does, please...
Do not open them. Instead please alert me. Thank You!

Is that better?

Comments -

====> Computer Corner


As Eva showed in the last issue there is nothing like a computer
for causing pain and discomfort of the psyche. As you know I have
been struggling for a fortnight to complete a 'clean' reinstall of
Windows. The computer is, as we know of course, entirely logical.
Mankind, as we also know of course, takes illogicality to an art form.

While you can't say 'never the twain shall meet' there are certain problems
at the interface. And it is there, as Eva's mum so rightly observes, that
a timewarp develops. I have been reminded of the film 'Groundhog Day'
and of Sisyphus: 'The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly
rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall
back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there
is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.'

And is that a perfect description of the computer interface - 'A futile and
hopeless labour'?

Chacha Joe
Also known as Joseph Harris

[And Eva says: But Bill Murphy got to have some real fun,
once he figured out he was in a loop. Poor Sisyphus, well,
he's more like us. I killed much of yesterday afternoon playing
with a tech support boob, who made me clean out and defrag
most of my computer, to get his idiot software installed. I
say idiot because, the problem was probably a defective CD.
When I finally yelled 'Chacha!' (I mean 'Uncle') and insisted
that he point me to the download URL, the download worked
just fine. Lamely, he said, 'Well, at least your system will run
faster.' uh huh....]

Comments -

====> Looking Back


'He who lead while looking over may walk into lamppost  -
old Chinese Proverb

Chacha Joe

Moderator's Comment...

Chacha Joe your comment reminded me of a host of old
Chinese Sayings .....

He who stampede while looking over shoulder may get run over.
He who feed while looking over shoulder may get an earful.
He who peed while looking over shoulder may have wet shoes.
He who breed while looking over shoulder may have crooked kids.
He who plead while looking over shoulder may not be eye level.
He who read while looking over shoulder may mis(s)print.
He who concede while looking over shoulder may have had
his ass on the line.

You are right! Looking over shoulder may not be such a good idea,
after all !



Comments -

=== > Speaking Tip


People are busy and forced to "juggle" numerous priorities. This
is a perfect excuse to give them a juggling lesson.

Regular juggling with solid objects is really hard and try as I
might, I could never do it. However, some ingenious person came
up with the idea to use colorful silk scarves/hankeys which
slowed the entire process down and made it much easier for
people to have quick success.

Here's a simple one-page idea and teaching sheet suitable for
kindergarten through second grade students.

Keep this in mind. Any time you take something for kids and
have adults doing it, there is going to be laughter. I can't explain
the exact theory of it, but you can be assured it will be there.

For instance, one of the scarf juggling ideas is to throw the
scarf up and catch it on your head. Imagine a bunch of adults
doing this. Not only will the chaos be funny, you can get some
great promo photos with your digital camera. It's pretty much
guaranteed these photos will show up in their company
newsletter or Intranet.

You can think up some one liners to go along with this
exercise like:

Folks please don't blow your nose on these scarves I have to use
them next week with (name a competitor's company) . . ..(pause)
on second thought go ahead and sneeze all over them. (pause for

Contact places like http://www.jugglingstore.com and Morris
Costume in Charlotte, NC and ask for bulk pricing on the scarves.

from Tom Antion's Great Speaking Newsletter

You can subscribe FREE to Tom's newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

=====  New Discussions  =====

====> Tally Ha

Hi Laughmates,

I'm halfway through Robert Fulghum's 'It was on fire when I lay
down on it'. [http://snipurl.com/onfire]

My favorite chapter so far is the one that starts.... Tally Ha !
Yes Tally Ha, not Tally Ho!! This is the rallying cry of the
Hunt Saboteurs Association of England.

In this chapter Fulghum first takes great pleasure in describing
the aristocratic idiosyncrasy some upper-crust sorts enjoy as
a sport namely Fox Hunting.

He then takes even greater pleasure in describing the activities
of the commoners who join the above mentioned association
and become saboteurs or SABs. Some of their tactics or
activities are :

a) Sometimes they send out false/conflicting notices of the hunt.
b) They hide in the woods and blow false horse signals to
     confuse riders.
c) They spray artificial fox scents on trees and fences to confuse
    the hounds or scatter chunks of raw meat to distract them.
d) Recording of fox barks and playing it at different locations to
    confuse both man and hound.

The list goes on and on with each idea more audacious and hilarious
than the last. I love the way he described the SAB's, and their spirit.
(Those of you who read the quote at the beginning of this newsletter
will notice that I ignored Lewis Carroll's good advice and started my
tale at the end ;-)

What fun it would be to be a part of a scheme like that ! Wait
a minute, I am a part of a scheme like that!! Bethany High is raising
funds for a vocational training center for challenged kids and it's
doing it through a carnival. People from all over have got involved
and have had a ball doing their part (I do hope you enjoyed
writing/contributing the poem Chacha Joe, we all loved it here)
and you should see some of the wild ideas some of them came
up with.

If you are anywhere in the vicinity of Bangalore on the 13th or
14th of December, don't even think of missing it. (Definition of
vicinity - within 20 hours flying time ;-). I can assure you,
you'll have a whale of time and when you reach home with
your wallets much lighter, you'll feel good about that too...
for a change ;-)



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===========  This week's Humor ==============

A new kind of faith....

A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to the
Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going
down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be
able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted;
I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never
be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if
not for the rest of our lives."

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon
Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to
the Yeshiva yet?"

"No, Morris" she responded.

Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"

"Oy no, I haven't sent the check!!" Now Morris laughs.

"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building
Fund check this month?"

"Oy Morris I haven't sent that one, either!"

Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.

Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"

Morris responds, "They'll find us."

Comments :


I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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