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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

5th February  2003    #     Issue 97
You can build a throne out of bayonets,
but you can't sit on it for very long.
~ Boris Yeltsin


Moderator's Comment -
                                                  ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                                   ~ Eva


Playing Dead
                            ~ The Doc

Read - Paradise Lost ?
                            ~ The Doc

Extract Game
                           ~ The Doc
                           ~ Joseph Harris
                           ~ Moderator's Comment

Great Fear Poll
                          ~ Chacha Joe

Ideas to ponder over .... and Discuss
                          ~ Gunjan

Speaking Tip
                          ~ from Tom Antion


               ~ Sandeep Chandak



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Moderator's Comments

Dear Laughmates,

Each of us views deadlines differently. Douglas Adams
loved them. He liked the whooshing sound they made
as they flew by.

Uncle Joe likes them only if they are impossibly tight. (Must
be the journalist in him). On the 12th of January he sent
me a message suggesting we set the deadline for completing
the collection of cricket humour and verse that we were working
on, as 19th Jan. I fell off my chair and I told him that I didn't think
we could complete before the 3rd week of February.

Here's what he told me in reply - "Let's aim short and know that
it will probably take long. The journalist in me loves a deadline;
leave me without one and I will research for ever."

With a bit of negotiation we set ourselves a target of 31st Jan
that was still improbable and teasingly difficult. I am thrilled to
you tell you that today as I write this, our collection is complete.
(I think my good friend Arik will be happy to hear this. He has
been advising me for quite some time to have some of my own
products for sale on my website. Thanks Arik !)

Well there's still the affiliate program to set up, the sales pages to
be created and the publicity material to be completed and for
ALL this Uncle Joe's deadline is tomorrow so I better be off.

We are looking for one reviewer from each cricketing country
to write in a brief review. If you are interested in getting a free
review copy please write in (please do mention where you are
located)  ...


That's the second week in a row I haven't picked on Eva,
How can this be ?? No more kidding, on with I-Laugh 97...

With best wishes,
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

Ah, what a delight...not getting picked on from at least
one source.  But really, I am so enjoying all your comments
and wisecracks. Good to see such lively, healthy punniness.
And you are so well-read! (It's been a loooong time since I
read Paradise Lost.)

Last Friday, after another week of more techno-meltdowns,
site constantly down, still no DSL (and none yet),
re-programming my tax prep computer to revive the mouse,
not being able to download updated software (no DSL), so
I couldn't prepare the California half of my clients' tax

I spent the most delightful hour or two, stuck in traffic,
on the way to my mother's for Sabbath dinner.

You read the above, and you think I'm being sarcastic?

Not hardly!

It was the last day of January, deep in the middle of winter.
The temperature was above 80 degrees Fahrenheit.
The sun was aglow. The sky was a deep, cerulean blue. There
was just a mild breeze, from the slow progress of my car.

And I felt like I was in heaven. I totally reveled in the
warmth of the sun on my face and my left shoulder and arm.
The air was filled with the perfumes of bursting flowers -
the orange blossoms, those purple and white things that
grow next to the chimney, and lots of other flowers I can't

Really, it was such an awesomely comfortable feeling.

Even going over to have dinner with the two women who
generally grill me and keep asking why, being so clever,
I don't make more money, (or quietly imply it)...even
that wasn't daunting. All I could do was just smile and
feel great, no matter what they threw at me...and break
out laughing a few times at their utterly ridiculous
comments. Until, good heavens, even their stolid faces
were forced to crack...a smile.

I'm cured! My sense of humor is BACK!

Perspective has returned. Calm and insanity rule!

And I thank you all for the cure.

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com   - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns

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===> Playing Dead


This is similar to the guy who says, "I have a new
'knock, knock' joke. You start it."  You may have
to do this to someone to see what happens.

~ The Doc
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

Comments  -

===> Read Paradise Lost ?

Yes, indeed, I have not only read Paradise Lost, but, as an
undergraduate, spent eighteen weeks studying it.  At one point,
that amount of time seemed to drag on to infinity, and in
complete mental disarray, I responded to one assignment with
a drawing I had made on a piece of a vinyl shower curtain.
I still have it,  I think.

It was one of the best assignment responses I ever made. Got
an "F" on it. But, it led me to develop student assessments
which provoke responses in different mediums.  After some years
of refinement, the student-preferred method of response tells
me more about the extent of their learning than any test ever has.

The Doc
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

Moderator's Comments - I would love to hear what other Laughmates
feel about receiving ideas or notes presented in such ways. Do
you tend to disregard it cause it's not presented conventionally
and neatly or do you let "Archimedes' enthusiasm" flood through
to you ?

The Other Moderator - What wonderful creativity. Had I been that
teacher, I would have marveled at your imagination. And despite
the assignment, would undoubtedly have talked to you before
issuing a grade. I hate that some teachers squelch enthusiasm
and creativity. Of course, this is not encouraged in filing
tax returns, but...I'll tell you this, had you written your
checks on a piece of shower curtain - you could take them to
the bank - literally!

Comments  -

===> Extract Game

I like it this way, man.  Don't change it for anyone,
because doing it this way forces you to read things,
and it may eventually ameliorate your current level
of illiteracy!  (That's for saying I got it "quite wrong."
Nah, nah, nah.)

~ The Doc
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com



As you know, I can't read; so if you don't offer these extracts
how am I going to learn about literature? I find it fun to learn
how ignorant I am and what a smarty-boots you are
(did I really say 'fun'?).

Now if it was extracts from 'The Hotspur' (old Brit comic that
used to be all stories, now is all cartoons. Boy's adventure) -
no, I'd stand the same chance. I don't remember any of it.

Keep the extracts going, I say.

Joseph Harris

(Moderator's Comment - I enjoy the extracts as
they ameliorate my illiteracy, not to show off what
a smarty-boots I am! By the way, Uncle Joe are you
insinuating that my brains are in my feet ? ;-)

Comments  -

===> Greatest Fear Poll


What a choice:

1) Mother-in-Law might shift in with you
--So where do I put the coffin?
2) Bush might win the elections again
--Another optimist who thinks there'll be another election!
3) Down will come a spider and sit down beside yer ...

Funnily enough I used to do a lot of public speaking - ex tempore, too.
These days I think it would closely follow spiders, but I'd be sprinting
in front.

Uncle Joe

Moderator's Comment - Wow !! See how accurate these polls
are. The results of our poll also show that public speaking is the
second greatest fear! ;-)

Comments  -

===> Ideas to ponder over .... and Discuss

This week's extract ...

If marketing is war, let us make the most of it. Let us
start by studying the history of war itself. And there is
a lot of it to study.

According to Will and Ariel Durant, in the last 3438
years of recorded history, only 268 have seen no war.
Much of early history is devoted to detailed chronicles
of successful military campaigns and battles.

This extract is from a Marketing book over 15 years
old written by two admen. Can you put your finger on
which book ?


Anything about that extract that you'd care to comment
upon? About the 'marketing is war' bit or about the war
stats. (Personally, I found the stats on the number of
peaceful years that we've had especially disturbing. What
on earth were all the kings and presidents doing those years ?
Hibernating ?? ;-)



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=== > Speaking Tip

Stone the Speaker
(An extract Tom Antion's ebook Wake 'em Up.)

Here's another gag I do when I really want to focus attention on
an important point. Either before the program or at a break, I recruit
audience members who are sitting near the front. I give each one a
piece of crumpled paper and instruct them to throw it at me when
they hear a certain word.

Some presenters tell me that is the dumbest thing they ever heard
and that they would never do it in a professional presentation. They
say that until they understand the rationale. Do you remember I said
I pull this gag when I want to focus attention on an important point?
Guess who is riveted on what I say until they hear the key word?
Of course, all the recruits with the crumpled paper. Then, after they
throw the paper and I make a big reaction, the rest of the crowd is
totally focused in their effort to see what is going on. That is when I
make my key point. I have virtually guaranteed the attention of each
audience member.

[You can get your own copy of Tom Antion's ebook
Wake 'em Up at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Comments or if have you a tip to share -

==========  NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

====>  Appraisals

Performance Appraisals, here  is another dimension to this yearly saga.
Narrated in good humor the story has  some food for thought as well.

Read on.... & wish you all  a happy  appraisal!!


A butcher watching over his shop  is really surprised when he saw a dog
coming inside the shop. He  shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again. So, he goes over to the  dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.

He takes the note and it  reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of
lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well." The butcher
looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he
takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in
the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about
closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.

The dog is walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The
dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits
patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks
across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then
comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is
in awe by this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one
of the seats provided.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the
number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog
goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus
travels through the town and out into the suburbs, with the dog looking
enjoying the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of
the bus. He stands on his back paws and pushes the button to stop the
bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.

Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, when the dog turns
into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the  groceries on the step.
Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself
against the door.  He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and
again, it throws himself  against it. There's no answer at the house, so
the dog goes back down the wall,  and walks along the perimeter of the
garden. He gets to the window, and beats  his head against it several
times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the
dog, kicking him and punching him, and  swearing at him. The butcher runs
up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? This dog is
a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the second  time this week that this stupid
mutt's forgotten his key."

Moral of the  story ..... You may continue to exceed onlookers'
expectations but shall always fall short of the bosses' expectations.

Sandeep Chandak

Comments  -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.

Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.

Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)

===========  This week's Humor ==============

An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always
orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he
liked his meal.

The old man replies (with Yiddish accent) "Wass goot, but you
could give a little more bread."

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four
slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks.
"Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices
of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass
goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole
loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager
asks, when he comes to pay.  "Wass goot, but you could give just a
little more bread," comes the reply once again.

The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is
satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery, and orders a
six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the
next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the
entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to
his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl
of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.

The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and
when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the manager asks in the
usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"

The old Jew replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you are back to
giving only two slices of bread!"

{Just can't please them all, can you ?? ;-}

(From Dr. Stan Kegel's Groaners Digest

Comments :

===========  This week's Stress Reliever  ==============

Office Stress Relief Game...

(Thanks Dianne)

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


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