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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

19th February  2003    #     Issue 99
We cling to our own point of view, as though everything
depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence;
like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
~ Chuang Tzu


Moderator's Comment -
                                                    ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                                     ~ Eva



Solving the "parking problem".....
                               ~ Arik Schenkler

More Insanity
                                ~ Tom Trottier

Ideas to ponder over .... and Discuss
                            ~ Gunjan

Speaking Tip
                            ~ from Tom Antion

Electronic Publishing - To E or not to E

Raison d'etre



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Moderator's Comments

Dear Laughmates,

I need your help here. Tell me...

Can you spot the difference between...

'The prince of Denmark' and 'the prince of dark men'


'Master Bates' and 'masturbates'

between 'Casablanca' and 'A Night in Casablanca'
(being able to see the difference between Ingrid
Bergman and Harpo Marx should help your cause).

If your answer to most of the above questions was 'Yes',
won't you agree with me that it should be a simple matter
to distinguish between 'amazon.com' and 'ah-mah-son.com'

Unfortunately, to my sheer frustration I am just finding out that
the difference is not as obvious as I thought. I hadn't taken
into account all those who, when they've decided to go watch
a movie that shows a lot of leg don't bother to look at faces at all.
Thus, when they are told that they have been admiring Harpo's legs
instead Bergman's they feel cheated. Poor Harpo could keep
blowing his silly horn to take their attention away from his legs all
day and it wouldn't help a bit at the end of the day.

If you're wondering what I'm raving about take a peek at
www.ah-mah-son.com and Issue 1172 of I-Helpdesk
(http://snurl.com/hd1172). I've also received further letters
in the matter but they haven't been published as yet.

(Actually my raving isn't right at all. The helpmates were
giving very valuable feedback. But when you hear things that
you don't want to hear they are irritating, especially when
they're right. So it does help to let off my steam here and
answer politely with my traditional smile on other lists.
Don't think I'm taking advantage cause I'm the mad orator,
I mean moderator ... I've been encouraging all of you to do
the same here since ages !! ;-)

I happened to remark to The Doc, that this whole thing was
a stupid idea of mine. Here's his 'reassuring' answer ...

"I think, also, that the idea is absolutely stupid -- but I didn't
realize that until I had read everything on the page and clicked
every link. Terrible idea. I almost bought something."

Thank God for Laughmates ! Now on to I-Laugh 99
which wrestles a variety of topics.

With best wishes,
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

aahh ma son, why would you complain about the feedback?

Actually, I don't think any of us have any problem with
Gunjan's URL. It really did take a while to get that connection.
My problem was with the way the site looked. Looking at it,
I thought it was one of Amazon's offspring. But, he and
Uncle Joe will sort it out. The overall concept is witty and
silly enough to get people's attention. And frankly, if
Amazon objects, I'd just be prepared with another
design to slap that right into place.

And moving on to even more funny things....funny? sad?

While you may have suffered through  the Death of a Salesman,
have you ever witnessed the death of a copier? I don't mean
the jamming session. I mean the actual death throes of a mammoth,
fancy machine.

Yesterday, as I started copying our voluminous deposits, I set
the machine to reduce (we do like to fit them all on one page
and there are just sooooo many checks). It started to make the
first copy and it gurgled. And stopped.

Lulu stepped up with alacrity, saying, I'll fix that. And I just
looked at her, thinking, "aah....I don't think so." She proceeded
to engage in all the usual mechanical machinations. And to my
smug satisfaction - nothing happened. (Hmm....why am I being
satisfied about being right here? That's dumb.)

Actually, while I was really hoping I was wrong, it was clearly
dead. You know that sound you take for granted...that nasty
noise they make when they are powering up, after you've
turned it off and back on again. I had noticed the silence
right away.

It wasn't just that the error screens weren't clearing. The
absence of sound was the hint that the machine had died.
That earlier gurgle was its death rattle.

Trying to get it repaired, naturally, brought expressions of
suppressed laughter from my kind copier repairman. He could
barely contain his glee when he handed me the bill for the parts
that weren't covered on my full-service service contract.
Over $700!

"Well, heeeey!"I exclaimed, "I can buy a new machine for
that (and another couple of thousand, but let's not go there)!"
And he replied, "You're right. You should."

Aha! That's just what they were waiting for. His boss, Ken,
has been trying to get me to replace that fossil for two years
now. He told me last summer that this was the last year he
would provide a service contract on it. So, I knew...it was
a conspiracy to force me to bend to his will.

So, I will speak with Ken and no one else. When they tried
to get me to speak with Tim, I refused. Adamantly, I held out
for Ken. When Tim said that he's in charge of the new machines.
No, I want Ken. When Tim said that he's Ken's son, I admitted
that, "I can't wrap you around my little finger the way I can your
father." "No, go away, I can't flirt with you the way I do with
your father." "And I'm holding your repairman hostage until
Ken calls back, so make it soon."

And then, she said ominously, Ken didn't call back. He took
off, sick, after something he ate disagreed with him (or his wife
overheard my comments, I'm not sure which) (Yes, she works
there, too). And so, I was forced to call back and ask for the
son. After completely offending (or amusing him)....I had to
humble myself and ask for his help.

Naturally, being the cute and perky person that I am, I opened
with, "And now that I've totally insulted you, what can I do to
redeem myself?"

Tim replied, wisely, "You've already done it -
YOU called me."

And so, to end the saga....he promises to bring me a new
behemoth by 8:30 a.m. today. So we no longer have to hoard
our ever-growing deposits....and oh yes, we can copy and
assemble ever more tax returns. (That too....)

And yes,  I did get a really good deal on the machine....with
the full service contract, free delivery and set-up, feeder,
collator (10 bins), reduce, enlarge, double-sided copies...
all for about the same price I paid for the old machine five
years ago. His father would have done no better.

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com   - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns

Online Gambling Tax Mysteries

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=========== STOP PRESS ===============

We are happy to announce a new feature on our site -
"Weekly Business Cartoons by Jennifer Lopez."
Jennifer is an alumna of Massachussets Institute of
Technology which she refuses to admit was a great
place to start cartooning.

She does however admit to contributing two comic
strip features 'Ask Phos' and 'Slug-Bunny' to Voodoo,
the only intentionally humorous publication at MIT.

She also runs a fantastic newsletter (my opinion may
be slightly biased caused the last issue had glowing
words about I-Laugh, WorkingHumor.com and
JestforPun.com ;).

I won't give you her site's url (that would defeat the
purpose of this announcement, wouldn't it) but you
can find it on our new feature page...


Will you remember it refreshes every Thursday or
should I remind you in every Wednesday (in each
issue of I-Laugh) ?

~ Gunjan


===> Solving the "parking problem".....

Gunjan Shalom,

In the previous US - Iraq war, Iraq fired missiles towards Israel.

Yes, residents of Tel Aviv were leaving the city to other smaller
cities around and that gave me the entire street to park. Wow, from
"not finding a single parking spot" to the entire "empty street"....
My car was the only one in the street (a brave car...-:)).

Btw, where was Mr. Terry Jones then? Hiding from Mr. Johnson
and Mr. Patel?

Didn't Iraq invade Kuwait?..... or was it an "alien"?....

ET = Terry Jones -:)


Comments  -

===> More Insanity

See http://idleworm.wolffelaar.nl/nws/2002/11/swf/iraq2.swf


(Moderator's Comment - Tom may win Mark Twain's wit
award for that post but the site certainly won't. The site is
hilarious but takes time. Don't try it if you're expecting your
boss to drop in on you in the next 5-10 minutes)

Comments  -

===> Ideas to ponder over .... and Discuss

Here's the extract for this week ...

Dear Editor,

The sweat was dripping down my face and into my lap, making
my clothes wet and sticky. I sat there walking, watching. I was
trembling violently as I sat, looking at the small slot, waiting -
ever waiting. My nails dug into my flesh as I clenched my hands.
I passed my arm over my hot, wet face, down which sweat was
pouring. The suspense was unbearable. I bit my lip in an attempt
to stop trembling with the terrible burden of anxiety. Suddenly, the
slot opened and in dropped the mail. I grabbed at my Eagle and
ripped off the wrapping paper.

My ordeal was over for another week!

The above letter to the editor was written in 1965 by a 12 year
old boy to The Eagle, a popular science-fiction magazine. Can
you guess who we're talking about?


Anything about that extract that you'd care to comment upon?


~ Gunjan

=== > Speaking Tip

LYING by Tom Antion

Lying can be fun and a great learning experience too. One time I
created a program based on the Jim Carey movie "Liar, Liar."

My job was to lie my way through the program. I designed the
program so that my lies coincided with learning points that the
sales people were already responsible for. The first person that
caught me in each lie won a prize.

I can't really explain all the laughter that occurred, but there
was lots of it. People were jumping up out of their chairs trying
to be the first to catch me. They were running up and grabbing
the prizes out of the winners hands (good naturedly of course).
They were screaming FOUL if my lie was too close to the truth
which made it a half lie or half truth whichever way you looked
at it. It was a blast!

The method was also applauded by the sales manager who never
dreamed that all this new information could be emphasized in such
a fun manner. The sales people really came away with a great
learning experience which was far better than simply quizzing
them on the material.

I used lying in a different way during speeches I gave as an
impostor. I was introduced as some big guru from Europe and made
up a bunch of ridiculous stuff that again coincided with
information the audience should know. The difference in these
cases was that no one told the audience it was a joke. You could
just see the cogs in their heads turning as I told them things
completely opposite of what they knew to be true.

Oh, one note of caution. If you are like me and have the
imagination to get really bizarre with your comments, make sure
one gets out of the room thinking you were for real. Believe it
or not, their are people out there so gullible or oblivious that
they don't even realize you are pulling a joke.

from Tom Antion's Great Speaking Newsletter

You can subscribe FREE to Tom's newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

===> To "E" or not to "E"

Having just written my first ebook, I've been doing quite
a bit of reading about ebooks (I know, I know, my cart
was ahead of my horse). Here's a very interesting article
I found.

Electronic Books: To "E" or not to "E"; that is the question
by Stephanie Ardito


~ Gunjan

Comments  -

===> Raison d'être

Hi Laughmates

I wonder if you are familiar with this French term which
is now commonly used in English too. In fact it's there in
my Oxford Dictionary too. They explain it as ... "purpose
for someone or something's existence."

It's amazing how many companies and sites seem to
forget theirs. For example Spam Arrest is now sending
out Spam.

Spam Arrest can give all the explanations they want, but in
my opinion the whole idea is stupid ! {Yes, much more stupid
than my ah-mah-son.com ;^}

~ Gunjan

Comments  -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.

Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.

Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)

===========  This week's Humor ==============


An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and
took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the
photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a
good camera."

He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home
he said "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some
very good pots."

(From Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)

Comments :

===========  This week's Stress Reliever  ==============

Ages since I played a game of Battleships !!


(Thanks Teddy Pooh)

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


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