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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
---------------------------------------------

Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2nd April  2003    #     Issue 105
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the day (April Fool's Day) upon which we are reminded
of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
~ Mark Twain ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                                          ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                          ~ Eva
_____________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Odd Treasures
                      ~ Max

Speaking Tip
                                  ~ from Tom Antion

IDEAS TO PONDER AND DISCUSS

Smart God
                               ~ The Doc

NEW DISCUSSIONS

April Fool Hoaxes

The Burning Bush

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR

THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Comments
-------------------------------------------------

Dear Laughmates,

They say the origin of April Fool's day is unclear. I've just
heard a rumor that it's origin is related to a fun newsletter
called I-Laugh having been launched on that day in the
year 2001. Could this be TRUE ?????

Kidding aside, thanks for birthday gift of increased
participation. It has made the issues more fun (don't
ya agree?). Hope that this year we'll have more and
more Laughmates starting to participate and have some
lively discussions.

So let's get started ... with I-Laugh #105.

With best wishes,
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
--------------------------------------
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
64841-subscribe@zinester.com


Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments

----------
The Other Moderator's Comment
----------

Dear LaughMates

It's Monday morning, as I write this.

It's been a morning of silly things.

First of all, Lulu, my assistant, told me that it was Cesar
Chavez Day, when she got it. Looking at Chase's Calendar of Events,
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071390987ref=nosimmywishlistA
of course, I knew she was wrong. They do list the 76th anniversary of
Cesar Chavez's birth, but no holiday.

Calling one of our California state agencies this morning, I got a
recording telling me that the office was closed for a state holiday.
No kidding! Hmm...maybe Lulu's right.

But, she was planning to go to the bank. Uh oh, do you think the bank's
are open? Well, the bank no longer have general phone numbers.
All they have are these voice mail mazes. Being clever, leaving my
speaker phone on, I called my bank manager's direct line. Of course, I
never get her, but her voice mail message is always helpful. Christine
always puts a new recording up each morning with something cheerful.
It always includes the  day (i.e. Monday), and  whether she's in the
office or not.

So, the phone rings, and rings, and...Christine's voice comes on. She says,
as always, "Good morning, this is Christine."

Then, silence. No recording.

Oh no! I wasn't expecting to bother her - just listen to see if they were
open.

Well, recovering quickly, I picked up the phone. She got a real kick out
of the call. Naturally, she had  been thinking of me over the weekend.
(Isn't everyone?) And she gave me a line of credit that I hadn't requested
and don't need. But, hey, who knows when I may someday need it? And
with interest rates below 5%...it doesn't hurt to have it in reserve.
[Note: For your businesses, the best time to get or establish credit is when
you don't need it. ]

Next, one of my clients had sent me an e-mail with a graphic so big
that I couldn't see the whole thing. Asking him to fax it, I saw that it
included some wisecrack comment about how he must have gotten the
wrong business card, since he seems to owe about $2,000.  (The card
includes two arrows with words on them. The up arrow has the word
'income'; the down arrow has the word 'taxes.' see...
http://gfxinc.com/business_card_printing.html )  I just figured that he
was  upset about owing money. Doing a double-take, I realized that
the words on  the arrows were reversed - 'income' was on the down
arrow; 'taxes' was on the up arrow.

Oh no!!!!! I had just printed new cards. Is it possible? Did Barb
really accidentally reverse the graphic and I hadn't noticed?

Quickly, reaching for the card.....uh, no. The card's fine. Ralph was
just showing off his clever graphic skills - APRIL FOOLs! (early)

Follow up: Yesterday, an envelope from Ralph arrived with several
copies of the card he'd made. He's added another change, replacing
my professional designation with MVP, adding a new slogan 'Our graph
says it all" and my new e-mail address <jeezwhuthappened@taxanxiety.com>

Oh no! There's a different version! Slogan, "We don't care. We don't
have to." and new e-mail: itsyourowndamnfault@panicattack.com

What a hoot! And the notation on the envelope is (underlined)
ATTN: Personal & Pointless

I had no idea he was so much fun! (I've never even met him, in about 10
years of doing their taxes.) I have to talk to his wife. Man, I thought she
was such fun. But, hey, they are both a trip. (California talk....eeeeyeey.)

So, what did people do to you on April Fools Day?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=AprilFooltoMe

or what did you do to them?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=AprilFoolbyMe

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com - 4 Secrets to Happy Tax Returns
http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/prod.aspx?p=supertaxmama.2512425

Syndicate Your Articles in Newspapers and Online
http://www.spawn.org/spnews/spn0303.htm   Part I
http://www.spawn.org/spnews/spn0403.htm   Part II

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http://www.turbotax.intuit.com/welcome/perm/giftec/welcome.htm

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=====  CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========

===> Odd Treasure

I have a road-rage problem. I've always thought a train horn would
cure me, and teach the inconsiderate drivers a lesson. Especially at
a red light with their windows down.

That's it, a couple weeks ago I decided to buy one and I found one
on really, really weird stuff on eBay.

I recently bought a-one-of-a-kind portable train horn. It's called an
organ tone, it's 27"long made by Grover products, the biggest train
horn known to man, its powered by an old rechargeable water type
fire extinguisher that uses air from a gas station hose. They are linked
together by hoses & pressure gauges, and metal strapping. I attached
a guitar strap to the contraption for ease of use.

I have blasted protesters, both my roommates, my drunk/hungover
brother, and I have even gotten on TV with it. I've had it for a week
and I don't need therapy anymore. I'm cured!!!

See what happens when you go with your gut instinct.

Max
Redondo Beach CA

[The Other Moderator: Max and I spent the rest of the week
exchanging quips back and forth. (Like I really have time, during
tax season. What am I? Nuts?) He's hilarious, punny and a budding
comedian. Seriously, he does a recurring gig at a coffeeshop in
Studio City some Saturday nights. I was thinking, sometime, after
AffiliateForce http://affiliateforce2003.com , perhaps you Laugh-Mates
here in So. Cal. may want to get together and heckle him one night. Yes?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=MaxNightOut   .Eva]



Comments  -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=oddtreasure

=== > Speaking Tip

We've been carrying these Speaking Tips by Tom Antion in
every issue of I-Laugh. Do you know how Tom Antion started
off ?

Believe it or not he started off as a prankster. (I got to know about
it when I won his 'Pranks for Profit' booklet for a valentine day contest
in his Great Speaking ezine.) So this would be the ideal time to take a
 break from the serious Speaking Tips and share one of his pranks
would it not?

One of the more elaborate practical jokes, a double whammy that took
more than two weeks preparation, was one Antion perpetrated recently
on a businessman. Antion had been contracted by Matthew Foley of
Rockville to approach his best friend, a mortgage company executive,
about serving as the chairman of a major charity function. After a week of
planning and two weeks of set up, including working through secretaries
and having business cards printed, the men agreed to meet Antion that
Nathan's in Georgetown. Foley, who works at Pro Video in Rockville,
had arranged to have a video camera and wireless microphone at the
restaurant to record the event.

Antion had a female accomplice dressed as an over aged flower child
positioned at a table near his own. During the course of the Antion's
conversation with the victim, the woman talked to herself, called an
imaginary dog and otherwise made a spectacle of herself. After several
minutes, during which Foley's friend and Antion both joked about the
poor woman, Antion excused himself to go to the rest room.

As soon as he left, the woman straightened up an identified herself to
the birthday boy as a special agent for the FBI. She said, Antion
remembered, "Listen buddy, we've been following this guy up and
down the east coast pulling his charity scam. He's going to ask you
for money. When he does, you scratch your ear, and we have
other agents in the bar, and we're going to get him. He's not dangerous
or anything." The girl even showed the man how she was wired for
sound to record the whole exchange.

"The guy was really excited, thinking he was in the middle of this
big scam. When I came back, I sat down and said, 'we both know
that charities are about money. So, to get off on the right foot, why
don't you just write me a check for any amount,' and I gave him the
name."

While all of this was going on, Foley and four other friends were hiding
behind the bar. "That was the only bad thing about the joke," he said.
"I couldn't see and hear everything as it was happening. I wanted to be
a potted plant at the next table."

When Antion asked for the check, the victim did more than just scratch
his ear. He started talking in a loud voice, asking Antion how to spell the
name, trying to get him on tape. When women finally shouted, "Freeze,
dirt ball!" to Antion, everyone in the bar joined her. That was when Foley
and his other friends came from behind the bar and shouted,
"Happy Birthday!"

So sign up FREE to Tom's newsletter 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606

and wait for his next contest ... and you might win a fun book ;-!

Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips

=====  IDEAS TO PONDER AND DISCUSS ========

===> Smart God

Ah, improbable evolution. That tricky little "devil." Here to take
the credit for god's work. Plants in us the notion of ... well ... plants.
Plants that start as seeds and go through a mystical metamorphosis
to become leafy, then bloom, and spit forth seeds to do it again.
 From the seed to the bloom is an extra-ordinary evoluti ... uh,
growth cycle. Well, no, that's okay in this case, because evolution
is one of the two theories that man can mess around with and survive.
That's why people can manipulate plant propagation and create
hybrids (and low-breds, too, I suppose).

So, how 'bout animals? Dogs should be safe. Simple bloodline to trace,
since every dog on the face of the earth leads back to the wolf. All these
breeds we've got, from the Chihuahua to the Great Dane, every single
one of them evolv... uh, came from the wolf. Well, no that must be
okay in the case of animals, too, because we definitely mess around
with those genetics. Must be okay that dogs "evolved" from the wolf.

Oh, I know: reptiles! All right! The turtle, for example, is the same today
as it was at the dawn of time, or the Big Bang, or the Word, or whatever
it was. Talk about stubborn. But, boy, are they tenacious, hanging on all
these hundreds of thousands of years. And, they better have been hanging
on, because if the planet started out spinning at a different rate than what
we've got now, those little rascals would be plucked right out of their
shells. What a mess that would be, eh?

Let's see now, what else has not or does not change? Hmmm. Well, how
about man? Excuse me, mankind. Excuse me humanity. Uh, people. There,
because I don't want to miss anyone by gendering. Have people changed
in any significant fashion since the "beginning?" Well, that's sort of where
at least two theories part ways, isn't it? According to one, based on faith
in the unknowable, I guess we haven't changed much. According to the
other, based on research of the temporal world, I guess we have. Some
theories try to find a place in between heaven and earth, but they are just
too accommodating altogether.

But, it's all right there in Genesis. Yep, it's all right there. I guess.
What's all right there in Genesis? I bothered to read it. Honest. Wasn't
that much of a bother, but I bothered. And now I'm bothered. Something
explaining the 6 days of creation and the improbability of evolution and
stuff is supposed to
be in there. Did god know they were writing this book? We've got the
prestidigitation of mud to man, rib to woman, and a bit of incest that
leads immediately to brother killing brother, but where's the part that
explains all the queries about creation and evolution and stuff? Oh, wait!
I think I've got it. Since man is described as the same as he is now, then
there is no evolution. I see. We haven't changed a bit. Wow! I could go
be Adam, or he could come be me, and things would be the same.
Wow. Huh. Hmm.

So, what's the point?  No change is good?  That Cain and Abel stuff is
as good as we're going to get?  And research is redundant because it's
all right there in Genesis?  So, hey, why have I got this curiosity thing
going then?  Huh?

I think I'd rather be a plant. In Philadelphia.

The Doc
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

Comments  -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=SmartGod

[ The book that has led to this discussion is...

The Selfish Gene - http://snurl.com/sgene]

=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

===> April Fool Hoaxes

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that
thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded
spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop.
It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants
pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers
were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could
grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically
replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato
sauce
and hope for the best."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Eruption of Mount Edgecumbe

In 1974 residents of Sitka, Alaska were alarmed when the long-dormant
volcano neighboring them, Mount Edgecumbe, suddenly began to belch
out billows of black smoke. People spilled out of their homes onto the
streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and
might soon erupt. Luckily it turned out that man, not nature, was
responsible
for the smoke. A local prankster named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds
of old tires into the volcano's crater and then lit them on fire, all in a
(successful) attempt to fool the city dwellers into believing that the
volcano
was stirring to life. According to local legend, when Mount St. Helens
erupted six years later, a Sitka resident wrote to Bickar to tell him, "This
time you've gone too far!"
(http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/top100.html)

{Check out their book ... it sounds very interesting indeed
http://snurl.com/hoaxbook}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you play any pranks this year ? Tell us about the best
ones as well as the flops. If enough of you participate, I'll
even share with you the best one played one me !

~ Gunjan

Comments  -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=pranks

===> The Burning Bush

2003 The plenary session of the Fiji Summit was attended by
4,700 delegates who enjoyed the brilliant fireworks display put
on for the occasion by the people of Jordan. After a moving
rendition of Peace on Earth by several hundred international
stars from the music world, to which the thousands of delegates
sang along, President Bush's inspired television address to the
world [excepts below] was watched by the delegates and an
estimated world audience of four billion people.

  At the invitation of US President George W Bush, representatives
of 190 countries had met in the South Pacific nation of Fiji for the
Inaugural Global Peace Imagination Summit. All the nations present
pledged just 10 per cent of their defence budgets to fund Bush's
new brainchild, the Global Peace Imaginatorium. Although the pledges
are a mere fraction of national war chests, the resulting peace
foundation is already bigger than any one institutional, business or
national entity in the world. Pundits said that its very size will help
protect it from pressures from the enormous world armaments industry.

Washington sources say that the purpose of the multi-trillion dollar
institute
will be to solicit from citizens of the world ideas for alternatives to war
in
cases in which conflicts arise. Suggestions, whether from professional
conflict resolution practitioners, diplomats, academics, or ordinary
citizens,
are to be rewarded with cash disbursements. Every suggestion will be
rewarded, and is then eligible for entry to higher levels of reward
according
to the judgement of panels of democratically elected representatives from
all nations.

President Bush stunned the world with his televised address to the world,
for which his government had set aside 25 billion dollars of armaments
purchase money to promote, so scarcely a man, woman or child in the
world did not know about the Summit nor Mr. Bush's speech.

His opening remarks brought gales of laughter from the floor of the
Summit. "I know a lot of people in the media think I'm nuts. Maybe you
think I'm nuts," he said with a grin. "Some members of my White House
inner circle think I'm a bit nuts, too. Especially now.

"But ladies and gentleman, I don't think I've ever been so sane in my life!
[Applause] The human race has chosen war as a means of settling disputes
for thousands of years, and it's time is over. It not only hasn't solved
anything, but its consequences have gotten far worse. It's over. Finis.
Kaput!

"A hundred years ago," he told the now silent crowd, "when armies
collided in battle, about 10 per cent of the casualties were civilian and
90 per cent were combatants. Today, it's the other way round. The
whole nature of warfare has changed, and no longer can we believe
that the people who die or get burned and maimed in battle might in
some way have to accept responsibility for their own actions. Today,
the innocent are the main victims. Not only that, but our generals now
sit in comfortable air-conditioned offices, nowhere near the field of
battle, and make decisions on the deployment of weapons whose
unspeakably tragic consequences they will never see, and that our
grandparents could never have conceived of - weapons that can
level vast areas of civilization in one moment. We know in our hearts
the difference between right and wrong, and this is wrong, ladies and
gentlemen, this is wrong.

"My friends," President Bush continued, "for a long time I myself
mistakenly believed that war is all right. That it's OK. That it's
'patriotic'.
I suppose it is because I had never been in one, who knows. Maybe it
was just the culture I was brought up in, the movies and TV shows I
watched and the books I read as a kid. Whatever the reason, like so
many people, I had never really thought 'outside the square'. I saw
some nation do something I didn't like, and I automatically thought of
war as a solution.

"Then something big happened, ladies and gentlemen, and even now it
makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. One night about ten
weeks ago, I woke up at about 3 o'clock in the morning in a cold sweat,
with some realization running through my head . and I don't even quite
know how to explain it, but somehow I knew that if we just tried to do
things differently, we would actually do it. Suddenly I trusted people
again. I trusted that people could solve the problems of people - and
do it fast. All that was needed was the will, a bit of money, and the
encouragement of leaders. I thought, how can I even call myself a
leader if I do not lead people into something new and better?

"I said to the First Lady, 'You know, I've been wrong. Almost all of
us have been wrong. For thousands of years, we've all been wrong.
And as President of the USA, I'm gonna come right out and say I was
wrong. That we all have to do things differently, totally differently, from
now on. No one else has as much of a chance to turn things around as
me today, and I'm not going to squander this chance.' Laura looked at
me a bit funny [audience laughs] but I think she knew deep down that
something profound had happened to my thinking, and maybe I was right. Maybe
together, human beings could do it.

"Men and women of the world, I'm here tonight to tell you I was wrong:
War is not the solution!"

President Bush paused at this point for 90 seconds of thunderous
clapping. Following several minutes more of his speech, his
concluding remark, met again with sustained applause that ended in
a standing ovation, were these words, heard by two-thirds of the
world's population:

"Men and women of Planet Earth: We can do this. We can put people
on the moon, we can build the Internet, we can spend trillions and trillions
of dollars on frivolous and evil things. Many nations represented tonight
in this auditorium, including my own, can build - have built - weapons
of mass destruction that can destroy the world many times over. Yet
millions of people are starving and have no access to clean water. We
have to stop this now; we can't say 'it's how things should be because
they always were'. Enough is enough! We have the technology to do
almost anything we can imagine.

"From this night onwards, we also have the technology of this wonderful
Global Peace Imaginatorium to begin to help us clear the fog from our
minds. Because, ladies and gentlemen, it is only our lack of imagination,
and the fog in our minds, that has kept humankind in this tragic cycle
of suffering since time began. Now we will make it an honor for a
human being to come up with solutions, just as we will make it a
disgrace to use the old methods and to be stuck in old thinking, like
I was. The Imaginatorium will not stop war and create a new world,
but it will foment ideas on how to do this - ideas that have been lacking.
Ideas that no leader has ever before thought of asking you to think up.
(I don't take the credit for this. Laura says it was the pizza I ate before
going to bed.)  [Laughter]

My friends of all nations, all creeds and all races: now, having realized my
own past errors of thought, I ask you to join with me to eradicate what is
obsolete from our minds. Because it all comes from our minds. I know that
now. As John Lennon and Yoko Ono put it so well way back when,
"War is over. If you want it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.

Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.

Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)
http://snurl.com/click
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===========  This week's Humor ==============

Before I could start my first job right out of college, I
had to present evidence that I was a U.S. citizen.  I
showed up with my driver's license and birth certificate.

The clerk looked at my driver's license and copied down some
information.  She then picked up my birth certificate and
gave it a long look. "Is anything wrong?" I asked.

"Yes," she said.  "I can't find the expiration date."

(From Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

===========  This week's Stress Reliever  ==============

http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/laborer/index.asp

(Thanks Dianne)

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=lolurl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh :
http://workinghumor.com/advertise.shtml

FAQ, Information & Archives at our website,
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Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg

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Your Working Humor Discussion List.
http://www.workinghumor.com
Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg "

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