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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com
Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com
http://workinghumor.com
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14th May 2003 # Issue 111
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At a few hundred kilometers altitude, the Earth fills half your sky,
and the band of blue that stretches from Mindanao to Bombay,
which your eye encompasses in a single glance, can break your
heart with its beauty. Home you think. Home. This is my world.
This is where I come from. Everyone I know, everyone I ever
heard of, grew up down there, under that relentless and exquisite blue.
~ Carl Sagan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN THIS DIGEST :
Moderator's Comment -
~ Gunjan
The Other Moderator's Comment
~ Eva
_____________________
CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS
Mental Hygiene
~ Gunjan
Aging
~ Arik Schenkler
Genius
~ Uncle Joe (Harris)
Speaking Tip
~ from Tom Antion
NEW DISCUSSIONS
Brevity
~ Gunjan
Announcement
~ Stephanie and Edd
THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
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Moderator's Comments
-------------------------------------------------
Dear Laughmates,
Don't miss the Humor for the week section in this
issue. Whether in totality or in extracts this piece
should make excellent recounting at business
presentations. A tip of the hat to Dr. Stan Kegel
for finding these kind of gems so regularly.
Also please do check out the mental hygiene post.
I do hope to break the maximum number of posts
that I've got on any single issue thus far record with
this one ...
So, without further ado, here's I-Laugh #111.
With best wishes,
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
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The Other Moderator's Comment
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Dear LaughMates,
Tell me, what do you do when someone spills an entire
hot, steaming mug of Starbucks French Roast coffee
on your brand new, very pale green carpet?
You make another pot of coffee, silly.
Yup, it was one of those days, which started
out just grand, until that moment when I saw the coffee
cup smash on the floor and watched that brown stain
spread and spread and flow all over.
Oh well, I always did want a patterned rug.
Actually, have you ever had those times when you just
KNEW it would happen? All afternoon, the day before,
I kept moving my mug around, trying to find a place to
put it where I wouldn't knock it over. My mind just kept
seeing the spill....So when it happened the next day, I
just figured, well, the fates warned me - they just
should have told me who would do it, and on which desk.
Is your clairvoyance more functional than mine?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=CrystalBall
Incidentally, when you read Arik's note, below, before you
scroll down for the answer, write down what you think it is.
THEN, read his final word(s).
Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com -Where taxes are fun!
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===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========
=== > Mental Hygiene
Dear Laughmates,
What does it remind you of this little word - blue ?
Could it bring it mind an ordinary bottle of glue?
Or would it bring the heavens first to mind,
With a range of blue shades, else hard to find ?
Does it call you to head to a pool or seaward go,
By raising cool pictures in your head of H2O?
Do variations of the word in your mind swing,
Are you hearing now notes from ol' BB King?
Since I don't want any 'dirty thoughts' flak,
I won't mention the 'art' of Janine or Erika Eleniak ! ;-)
Sure I could go on and on with more things blue,
And blue things YOU can think up, I have no clue !
But if you're wondering where all this is leading to,
Here's you exercise, here's what I want you to do;
Take your timer or even a simple wrist watch,
And two minutes hence make a mental notch,
Now let your mind fly, give it the gift of wings,
Let it soar, but NOT touch any of the above things.
I took a lot of trouble with this, so may I bid,
That you share with me the results of how you did !
{Just in case you're not poetically inclined, your exercise
is to not think of anything blue, or related in anyway to
blue or blues for two minutes. And then to write in and let
me know how you fared. Please write in to ...
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Blues
Gunjan
===> The other Comic Guide attempts -
Well blue is the color in the loo,
before you go and use it, too.
And the waves and tide of the deep blue sea,
that off California shores you can always see.
That's the color of my dear friend's eyes,
that she hasn't seen in 20 years, she sighs.
And blue's the ink in the pens that sign,
the tax returns, on the bottom line.
Aaawww, I see blue when my lover leaves,
and the lighter blue patch on his navy sleeves.
And so I end this cyan refrain,
lest your eyes and brain I do mightily strain.
Eva
P.S - Just a quick reminder. The exercise is to NOT
think blue. Of course if you'd like to a do similar piece
on what things the word blue brings to your mind you are
most welcome, but for that exercise I want to know if you
were successful not thinking anything blue. Was it easy
or did you have a hard time and any related thoughts to
the exercise.
Any Comments on this little exercise -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=MentalHygiene
=== > Aging
Eva, Gunjan shalom,
Well I was thinking it is a humor email....
Anyway an old woman wanted to get fresh with an old man
but he told her he has this illness and that illness and the other
illness and so on...
The women getting a little bit angry asked the old man:
"Well, what DON'T you have?!"
To which the old man replied:
>
>
>
>
"Teeth"......
Have fun,
Arik Schenkler
www.internetdollar.com
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=aging
=== > Genius
Gunjan,
You ask for examples where genius has been a handicap rather
than an asset... But enough about me.
As another genius, Prof C E M Joad, would have said 'it all depends
on what you mean by genius, handicap or asset. As with Wilde his
genius was a great asset both in publishing and socially. In the court
case it was his arrogance, rather than his genius which was at fault.
Had he not insisted on flaunting his homosexuality at a time when
it was neither socially nor legally acceptable the court case would
never have arisen. Particularly as he excelled in the scathing put
downs which made him as many enemies as his wit made him
friends.
As the old motto has it: Better a bird in the bush than taking
yourself in hand,
Joseph Harris
Smile Poetry Weekly (fortnightly)
www.smilepoetryweekly.com
Batty Balls and other Wicket Wit
www.ah-mah-son.com
Moderator's Comments - I was talking of genius being a
handicap in certain situations. Whether it might have been
beneficial to have a less brilliant (but more knowledgeable
with the ways of the court) lawyer represent him rather
than doing it himself. ~ Gunjan
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=genius
=== > Speaking Tip
The Stage
The stage background can be a distraction. If possible, I try to
find out what my background will be so I don't blend right in.
If I have a blue curtain and I wear a blue suit, it will be harder
for the audience to separate me from the background. Wall
sconces directly behind the stage can be a distraction. I try to
have them turned off or I remove the bulbs. Lighting from behind
is aptly called backlighting. Unplanned backlighting usually causes
the front of you to darken considerably. However, planned
backlighting from above is OK because it is used to put a halo
effect around your head which makes you stand out from your
background. I beg for this all the time because it's the only way
a guy like me is ever going to get a halo.
Also check to see that any risers and stairs to the risers don't
squeak and are sturdy. You may fall down on purpose some
time for fun, but you don't want to accidentally fall if you can help
it. If you do fall, use a pre-planned ad-lib from Chapter 9 like
Give me an inch and I'll take a fall.
from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]
Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips
=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========
===> Brevity
"Brevity is the soul of wit" reMarked Twain. But how brief
should your 'briefs' get ?
We have this new ayurvedic product launched in India called
'Party Smart'. It is meant to taken before a round of drinks and
is supposed to ensure that you don't have a hangover the next day.
Their 'witty' caption - Protects your liver. Prevents morning after.
Does it work ? I have no idea ... I haven't had the guts to try
it out ! I rather like having a morning after, with or without
hangover ! ;-)
~ Gunjan
Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=brevity
==> Announcement
Hello, all. We are debuting a free, new ezine this month called
"Thoughts Create Sales." We truly believe the most critical,
telling, pivotal element in the success of your sales and marketing,
and in the success of your business, is your thoughts.
We will send lots of tips for changing your business thoughts, as
well as many other effective methods. One major premise of the
ezine: "Life is an echo. What you send out is what you get
back."
Oh, yeah; that essential ingredient of humor will be included,
too, of course.
Subscribe:
mailto:ThoughtsCreateSales@allen-nichols.com
We hope to see some of you as readers -- and maybe contributors.
We would be grateful if you would please pass this along to others
who might be interested.
Thank you.
Yours in the spirit of laughter and joy,
Stephanie West Allen
Edd Nichols
Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=announcement
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion
A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.
Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
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interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.
Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)
http://snurl.com/click
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=========== This week's Humor ==============
Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates,
is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases
and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain English.
Business Finance contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed
Lingua in his New York City office.
Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.
Danbom: Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless
supply of clichés that
spew from business?
Lingua: Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like
drinking from a fire
hydrant.
Danbom: So it's difficult?
Lingua: Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.
Danbom: Where do most clichés come from?
Lingua: Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside
the box.
Danbom: How do you track them once they've been coined?
Lingua: It's like herding cats.
Danbom: Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become
a cliché?
Lingua: Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Because
if you aren't the lead
dog, you're not providing a
customer-centric
proactive solution.
Danbom: Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseam.
Lingua: "Enronitis" could be a next-generation player.
Danbom: Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?
Lingua: No, they can't get their arms around that. But
they aren't incented to.
Danbom: How do people know you're a cliché expert?
Lingua: I walk the walk and talk the talk.
Danbom: Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
Lingua: I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical
as I strategically
focused on my go-forward plan.
Danbom: What did you do to develop this talent?
Lingua: It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery.
When you drill down to
the granular level, it's
just basic blocking and
tackling.
Danbom: How do you know if you're successful in your work?
Lingua: At the end of the day, it's all about robust,
world-class language
solutions.
Danbom: How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
Lingua: Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing
synergies and being
first to market with a leveraged,
value-added deliverable.
That's the opportunity space
on a level playing field.
Danbom: Does everyone in your business eventually devolve
into the sort of mindless
drivel you spout?
Lingua: If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck,
you're a duck. They all
drink the Kool-Aid.
Danbom: Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?
Lingua: My knowledge base is deselective of fiber media.
Danbom: Does that mean "no"?
Lingua: Negatory.
Danbom: DOES THAT MEAN "NO"?
Lingua: Let's take your issues offline.
Danbom: NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY
"ISSUES" OFFLINE.
Lingua: You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a
strategic fit with
my game plan.
Danbom: I WANT TO KNOCK YOUR FACE IN!
Lingua: Your business is very important to me.
Danbom: How can you live with yourself?
Lingua: I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize
scalable supply chains.
Danbom: When are you going to quit this?
Lingua: I may eventually exit the business to pursue other
career opportunities.
Danbom: I hate you.
Lingua: Take it and run with it.
(Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners)
Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor
=========== This week's Stress Reliever ==============
http://snurl.com/nottoy
Children's Toy ?
No way ! That's a paper weight meant to be used in
home offices with patterned rugs ! ;-)
BTW - If you are peeking at this page, do scroll down
just a wee bit and see the point I was making about
brevity -> Manufacturer's age : 4 years and up
Well I certainly hope so !! ;-)
Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=lolurl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com
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