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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

2nd July  2003    #     Issue 118
Now I can only pray that there may be a God--and a heaven--
or something better.
~ Mark Twain,


Moderator's Comment -
                                                       ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                                      ~ Eva


                                              ~ Lane Pope
                                              ~ The Doc

Looking for God
                                             ~ The Doc

Speaking Tip
                                              ~ from Tom Antion

Soothing the neighbours frustrations
                                  ~ Gunjan

I know, you know etc
                                 ~ Scott Simerman
                                 ~ Moderator's reply



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Moderator's Comments

Dear LaughMates,

It's been a wonderful week (for me, and I won't accept
any argument which says otherwise). We reached and crossed
the 3000 subscriber mark and are well on our way to the
4000 subscriber mark.

A few of you visited our wonderful wz-ard of CMYK
known as Phil in the muggle world...

And best of all Lane Pope, one of my favorite subscribers
to the Jest for Pun and Jest in Literature, has finally signed
up for I-Laugh too. Lane was always fun as a subscriber,
participating in every contest, giving me plenty of feedback
on what she enjoyed and what she thought sucked. The
best part (or was it the worst ?) was that most of this
conversation was carried on in rhyme.

Lane and me have become great friends now, although it
was a really hard job for her to forgive me for the notes
that I sent her when she'd broken her arm. It seems my
notes were more painful than the arm ! ;-)

Oops, where are my manners! We have over 250
subscribers joining us this week and I haven't even
welcomed the others. Welcome to all of you and
remember, please do feel free to ask me any questions
about the list, to send your comments, feedback, or any
other thoughts you'd like to share. You are welcome to
send me your introductions and maybe we can feature
some of you as "Featured Laughmates".  Also, if you want to
share something and are not sure whether you would like to
post it to the entire list, let me know and we'll discuss what
to do about it.

Well, that's enough ado for one issue. Hope you have fun
with I-Laugh #118...

With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

It's been a looong morning already. For some reason, summer
really seems to have established itself solidly here in Southern
California. Taking a walk at 8:30 a.m., the sun was already so
strong that without a hat, I would have been blind within a block.

But, the birds. We have the strangest birds. Has anyone ever seen
them exhibit this kind of behaviour? Or what does it mean?

The soil in the backyard was just roto-tilled and mixed with mulch.
It's all soft and fluffy, but, let's face it, mulch is a bunch of decaying
stuff, right?

Well, the little birds frolic in it. They act as though it were water,
rolling around and splashing themselves and each other, rubbing
their wings in it - all very much like playing in a pool.

Rick and I get the biggest kick out of watching them.

Have you ever heard of this before?

Aaahh..Speaking with an auditor today, who had the gall to imply
that we closer to the beach than he is (we are deeply in the bottom
of a valley, clogged in with smog) ,  he started carping about why
we don't have a subway line or rail line from downtown Los
Angeles to the beach.

Actually, I don't know why we don't. There's evidence in the
museum of the old Red Cars (a rail line) that used to go to
the beach, waaay back until around 1960. How they heck did
they let those things get away?

Back until the middle of the 1900s, Los Angeles was famous
for our progressive transportation system.

Ironically, today, Los Angeles is noted as one of the worst
cities in the USA to live in without a car. Doncha love progress?

OK now, I am going to shower away my sunstroke.

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com -Where taxes are fun!

NEW! Start 10 Businesses Online Without Spending a Dime

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...




=== > Sarcasm


I do not know if I am cerebral enough for this, but maybe I
can fake it.

Do you think you can be sarcastic without being truculent?
Many people today take sarcasm as humor  - and let its intent
drift away. Thank god -  else deadwood I be.

- .Main Entry: tru·cu·lent
Pronunciation: -l&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin truculentus, from truc-, trux savage; perhaps akin to
Middle Irish trú doomed person
Date: circa 1540
1 : feeling or displaying ferocity : CRUEL, SAVAGE
3 : scathingly harsh : VITRIOLIC
4 : aggressively self-assertive : BELLIGERENT
- tru·cu·lent·ly adverb


==> More on Sarcasm and Types of Humor

Sarcasm A flaying or plucking off of the skin; a cutting taunt
(Greek, sarkazo, to flay, etc.)

Sarcophagus A stone, according to Pliny, which consumed the
flesh, and was therefore chosen by the ancients for coffins. It is called
sometimes lapis Assius, because it was found at Assos of Lycia.
(Greek, sarx, flesh; phagein, to eat or consume.)

Irony A dissembling. (Greek, eiron, a dissembler, cironeia.)

"So grave a body upon so solemn an occasion should not deal in
irony, or explain their meaning by contraries." - Swift.

Irony of Fate (The). A strange fatality which has brought about
something quite the reverse of what might have been expected.

Pun is the Welsh pun, equivalent; it means a word equally applicable
to two things. The application should be remote and odd in order to
give piquancy to the play. (See Calembourg

Pun and Pickpocket He who would make a pun would pick a pocket.
Dr. Johnson is generally credited with this silly dictum (1709-1784),
but Dennis had said before to Purcell, "Any man who would make
such an execrable pun would not scruple to pick my pocket"
(1657-1734). (Sir W. H. Pyne: Wine and Walnuts, vol. ii. p. 277.)

The "execrable pun" was this: Purcell rang the bell for the drawer or
waiter, but no one answered it. Purcell, tapping the table, asked Dennis
"why the table was like the tavern?" Ans. "Because there is no drawer
in it."

Quip Modest (The). Sir, it was done to please myself. Touchstone says:
"If I sent a person word that his bread was not well cut, and he replied
he cut it to please himself," he would answer with the quip modest, which
is six removes from the lie direct; or, rather, the lie direct in the sixth

~ The Doc
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

Comments -

===> Looking for God

The statements inspired by a presumed conflict between creationists
and evolutionists have been intriguing, but, of course, non-conclusive
except to those who have already chosen a side. Of late, I have
wondered if the conflict is the result of language more than actual
disagreement in principle.

There is a theory which posits that we can only think about those
things for which we have words. This alone makes one suspicious
of those with limited vocabularies. Thank god (Shoot! I missed that
damn "caps" key again!) sex is a short and easily learned word.

There is another theory that ponders whether words can be as
easily misunderstood in context as out. This is the theory that
looks at whether the same word means the same thing to two
different people in a given situation, or do people bring their
definitions and connotations of words into the situation with

This last seems mostly likely when one considers the possible
meeting between the creationist and the evolutionist, and their
disparate ways of interpreting the same data, as represented by
this tale of two people confronted with the same information, but
drawing two different conclusions:

A man is stumbling through the woods, intent on discovering
physical evidence of natural order and evolutionary propensity in
nature. As his means of quenching his thirst has involved only a
consumption of beer for the past two hours, he is understandably
a bit less than able to perceive all things correctly, in or out of context.
He is in this disposition when he comes upon a preacher baptizing
people in the river.

Drawn to this demonstration, he proceeds to walk into the water,
and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around
and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol.  Sensing the opportunity
to provide both redemption and an escape from the fumes, he asks the
inebriated evolutionist, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

Still in the state of mind that began his search for clues and meaning, the
man answers, " Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up
and asks, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk says, "No, I
haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at this seemingly inconceivable answer, dunks
the man into the water again.  Desiring a clearing of these obviously
deluded senses, he holds the man under for a little longer this time.

Sensing a vindication of this means of salvation, he again pulls the
drunk out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

Inexplicably, the drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

Fearing what might be the consternation and even questioning by his
flock at the apparent lack of efficacy in this method of baptism into
faith, the preacher is a bit more than concerned that the spirit of god
chase out the other spirits this man has imbibed. With a ferverous
passion guiding him, he grabs the man firmly, and dunks him in the
water again. Unable to bear anything but success, the preacher holds
the man down for about 30 seconds.  He would have held him down
longer to guarantee salvation, but he was awakened from his passionate
desire to create this guarantee when the sinner began flailing his arms and
kicking his legs. Abruptly recognizing that he has maybe tried a little too
hard, he pulls the man up. Hoping for success in the conversion process,
the preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you
found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and, spluttering and
splaying, concern showing on his face as well as an apparent glimpse
into where a problem might derive, he says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

As Douglas Adams has the ultimate computer respond to the question
of Life, the Universe, and Everything, the number "forty-two" is the
correct answer. Are you sure you have asked the appropriate question?

Comments -

===> Speaking Tip

Using Roast Humor and Insults

Being roasted is an honor, but you must be careful to honor people
while you are roasting them. Joke about things that are obviously
untrue, then exaggerate them to make them more obvious. Or, you
can outrageously exaggerate things that are true.

When choosing the butt of a roast joke or story, pick big targets.
Never make fun of a small target (janitor, secretary, etc.). Make
fun of the boss. He or she is still the boss after all the teasing and
will look like a great sport for going along with it.

Members of in groups can joke about their peers and insult each
other all they want. Bob Hope makes fun of Ronald Reagan.
Everyone knows they are buddies.

If you widely spread an insult or collection of insults, the group
can laugh together. No one is individually embarrassed. The same
remarks aimed at an individual removed from the cohesive influence
of the group might cause someone to get upset. Always clear your
comments IN ADVANCE!

Unless you are participating in a full-blown roast program, always
make fun of yourself first. If you kid yourself first, the audience will
be more receptive when you kid them. Here are some roast examples:

To an AT & T executive:

    If a Martian called Ed's office to contact earth, he'd try to sell them
on the benefits of our new 800 service.

Keep remarks focused on unimportant things that can't be damaging!

    Folks we are here tonight to Roast Joe. I'm particularly happy to
be here because I can now say in public all the things I've been saying
behind his back.

    He/she is a man/woman of the world . . . and you know what
bad shape the world is in.

Insult about areas of recognized strength and superiority!

To a great family man and/or community leader:

    Joe's (neighbors/business associates/preacher, etc.,) all say what a
     wonderful couple he and his wife make . . . if it wasn't for Joe.

To a well-known philanthropist:

    He is a man of rare gifts . . . he hasn't given any in years.

At a program with a long head table with lots of speakers, an emcee
might say:

    The emcee's job is not to be wise or witty. In fact, it is his job
to appear dull so that the speakers on the program will shine in
comparison. Tonight it looks like I'm going to have to rise to new
heights of boredom.

To the audience the emcee or speaker might say:

    I'm glad to be here tonight to look into your faces. . . .
And God knows there are some faces here that need looking into.

from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

===> Taking care of the neighbours frustrations !

Monday had been a bad day at the office for a dear
friend of mine who'd prefer that I don't name him in this
tale so we'll refer to him as A. By evening A was feeling
pretty lousy so we decided to head to a club, play a couple
games, knock off a beer or two and help him unwind.

The games went fine and A seemed much more cheerful now.
We proceeded to the club lawns, sat down at one of the tables
and ordered our beers. At the next table was another person who
had obviously had a bad day too. He was telling his companion in
voice loud enough for every person on the lawn to hear "Who the
hell, does he think he is! He doesn't know who I am. I'll ...... blah,
blah, blah " He kept on and on.

Our beers came, we finished about half a bottle each and the
monologue from the next table carried on and on. Suddenly A
turned towards their table. I thought to myself ... 'Oh no, this
seems to be leading into a fight. If A is going to tell him to shut
his mouth, or tone down his voice, he seems itching for an argument.'

However A was at his cheerful best by now and very sweetly
started talking to the fellow ... "Excuse me Sir, who is this person
who has troubled you so much, to put you in such a foul mood.
He must have done something terrible. Let's all get together and
thrash him."

The person couldn't help but smile at that, immediately realised
that he had been carrying on too loud and started apologising,
but A cut in ... "No, don't worry, you haven't been bothering us
although we admit we couldn't help overhearing what you're saying."
Also as the person started looking a little sheepish A added even
more sweetly ... "and Sir, I really admire your companions patience,
who has been listening to you for over 20 minutes without saying a
word." A finished up as the person apologised again "Hope you're
feeling better now and enjoy your drink. Good day."

We didn't hear a word from that table after that till we left about
an hour later.

~ Gunjan

Comments  -

===> I know that you know

Need some help from the gang herein.

I am going to be doing a course on listening skills and have been
searching for that quote on listening that says something like:

    "I know that you know you think you heard what I said
     but what you think you heard me say is not what I said
     nor what I know you know you think I said."

Now, you know of course we could construct such a thing but I
think you know that I think that a reference to the original source
of this thinking would be the thing to know. So I know that YOU
know what I need to know or know where the known can be found,
you know?

I have actually searched some quote archives for this but, you know,
I just cannot find it. So, any help would be most appreciated, don't
you know.


For the FUN of It!

Scott J. Simmerman, Ph.D.
Performance Management Company - 800-659-1466

   Designer of Square Wheels training tools and other team products

        "Square Wheels roll, but Round Ones are available!"

Moderator's Reply

I believe the quote that you are looking for is ...

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard
is not what I meant."

Unfortunately I can't find the authentic source for the quote. It has
been attributed to S.I.Hiyakawa, Albert Farkminster, Arthur Bach,
Russel Crotts - C.O.M etc etc. It's quite common and everybody
from Toastmasters clubs to Universities seem to be quoting it with
their own choice of attribution. You could probably use it as an
'old saying' by now ! ;-)

Also, these quote may be of interest too ...

I didn't say that I didn't say it.
I said that I didn't say that I said it.
I want to make that very clear.
-- George Romney

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
~ Benjamin Disraeli

Clearly spoken, Mr. Fogg; you explain English by Greek.
~ Benjamin Franklin

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never
accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears
into something he can understand.
~ Bertrand Russell

I am giving you the right answers!
You're just asking the wrong questions.
~ Dennis the Menace

I never said most of the things I said.
~ Yogi Berra

Hope that was helpful. Also hope there's a special rate for
Laughmates for your course. (BTW - the replies that I sent
to your post kept bouncing for some reason )


Comments  -

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Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.

Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.

Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)

===========  This week's Humor ==============

Some obvious facts never seem to be obvious to ....

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a
jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's
office that she was exempt, because of her age.

"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said.

"I've already done that," she replied.  "I did it last year."

"You have to do it every year," she was told.

"Why?" came the response.  "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

Comments :

===========  This week's Stress Reliever  ==============


(Thanks Dianne)

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


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