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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

16th July  2003    #     Issue 120
If only God would give me some clear sign!
Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
~ Woody Allen


Moderator's Comment -
                                                       ~ Gunjan


Moderator's Comments
                                 ~ Uncle Joe

Looking for God
                                             ~ The Doc
                                             ~ Moderator's Comment

Monkeying Again
                                            ~ Gunjan

Speaking Tip
                                              ~ from Tom Antion


School idea or Cool Idea ?
                                           ~ Gunjan



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Moderator's Comments

Dear LaughMates,

We're upto 3920 subscribers ! Now isn't that great. If all of you sent in one great post each today you could make Gunjan shut up for the next 784 issues. That's over 14 years. Doesn't that sound tempting enough for you to reach out for your keyboard right now ?

Kidding aside, for the newbies among you and I mean the ones who are new not just to I-Laugh, but to any discussion groups take a quick peep at
to see the benefits of participating in these groups. Group members come to your help when you need something. Scott Simmerman often uses this groups' help to find a quote or line that he is looking for. I have often got some great humorous suggestions when I'm stuck for a prank, or for a humorous story for a public speaking engagement. Laughmate DC was good enough to mentor me through so many of my Toastmasters projects, and we got to know each other through this group.

Participation in group discussions in certainly a big plus for people who own websites as they can promote their sites with their signatures, but even for those who don't it's a great network opportunity.

Hope you'll all take advantage of the strong foundation that we've managed to build up with the constant, positive and most cheerful support of our sponsors Clara and Phil  - http://www.maxpatchink.com?laugh
... and participate to make this forum more active and more fun.

Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #120.
With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...



=== > Comment on Moderator's Comment

> I mentioned the limerick chats that Lane and I have...
> Feel free to join the melee if it strikes your fancy.

Is your broke arm your bloke arm or is it
The one you use to knock when you visit?
Do you talk computerese
And then like what you sees?
Or with one hand can you tyoe and just whiz it?

Stay sane Lane.

Chacha Joe
Batty Balls and other Wicket Wit

Comments -

===> God ...


1.  It's too damned long to just be used in the newsletter, so it needs editing, and

2.  The only thing that I would say I would like used if any of this is used is the final two paragraphs. The rest is terrifically illuminating and bold, vicious in its incisiveness, tender in its resolution. Ah, sigh, but it's also just me babbling along and tossing my thoughts about like Johnny Appleseed. The difference is that his seeds bore fruit, whereas my seeds could well bore even fruit.

Oh, oh, oh, and 3.  I don't want to piss Uncle Joe off because of the
relationship you have with him, and whether this would do that or not,
I don't know, but I don't need to be going around alienating folks.

So, let's see how well you edit, and what you decide are the salient
points in the tome here following. And if none of that works, just see
it as one of my rambling notes that I send along to you now and then.


Oh, lordy, lordy, how did I get back into the fracas and fray of evolution and creation? Whenever I try to inject a bit of humor into an otherwise tawdry topic, I seem to get washed up on the shore of misunderstanding. Let me see if I can weasel my way out of the gunsights of Uncle Joe, because I'm really, really not game. (I'm not in season at this point, at least, though I feel as if I'm standing in front of a record sized behemoth that quite a few people are taking shots at without regard for my poor vulnerability.)  Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water...  I incautiously went for a swim, and I ended up getting baptised.

The point of the joke I sent in a couple of weeks ago was not to illustrate that confusion can be caused by the different meanings of words, but to caution that sometimes an answer may not be profitable because the wrong question was posed. I can see where the word "found" (have you found Jesus) is given two different meanings by the jokes' participants, and therein lies the punchline, but not wanting that to be the focus is why I added the tagline
about asking the right question.

By framing a question this way - Do you believe in creationism or evolution? - one improperly loads the options for an answer by building an unavoidable controversy into it. At the very least, there should be two questions made of that one (Do you believe in creationism? Do you believe in evolution?) and each could be answered "yes" or "no" or both could be answered "yes" or "no" and so on. Uncle Joe's statement that he believes in a god that could guide the evolutionary process would be a perfect example of someone who might answer "yes" to both of the questions about creation and evolution. "No" to both questions would allow for a third theory, or even more, which is a possibility that is eliminated when the two questions are combined.

Combining the two questions creates two sides from which each can argue with and judge the other. That seems a futile way to approach a discussion. If I don't believe a god created all this, why do I have to be perceived as a godless evolutionist? Or, conversely, if I believe in a god that did create all this, why do I do so at the risk of being perceived as a proselyte by someone
who does believe in an evolutionary theory?

In the little input I have had in this discussion, I have not indicated where my personal beliefs might reside. I have noted that as a result, anything short of a statement of unswerving, unquestioning belief in creation makes those who do so believe perceive me as "on the other side."  Translation: a non-believer target.

Case in point, Uncle Joe says that the little joke of mine is neither here nor there, which minimalizing would have been fine, but the posture is a bit extended when this is added: "But it uses the Dawkins technique: illustrate something stupid in religion as indicating that God doesn't exist."  Now, c'mon, Uncle Joe.  Has something made you a bit tender? I don't believe anything in the joke even intimates that god doesn't exist. That would be a whole different joke.

As for the theory of evolution being debunked every day by things such as the organelle, as a theory it is subject to constant revision as new facts are made known. Because of that, I suspect it will be quite a while before those who see validity in studying evolution just throw in the towel and say, "Oh, hell. We're wrong. See ya."  Like all scientific theory, the truth changes when something comes along to dispute it. Theories grab at new information and work to find a way to build better theoretical planks. That's how we advance from the hypothesis. Some people seem to feel it invalidates their belief if
every other person doesn't believe the same way. Pretty rigid thinking there.

I think the nonsense either-or of creationism versus evolution is fun as an intellectual exercise if everyone is having fun. I think Douglas Adams' theory that the world was created by white mice to use in an experiment is probably as valid as any other theory at this point. And, blasphemy of all blasphemies, I was ordained forty years ago, and I had that ordination re-affirmed this past year, but that didn't mean I had to stop thinking. I've not yet known a man who has been argued into a belief. "Okay, ya whupped me logically, so I
guess I believe in god." I don't know what it is that causes a man who has "found" god to suddenly stop asking all those questions that were once so important to him, and instead begin arguing with anyone and everyone who still feels the same way he did up until a minute or two ago. I also don't understand how some people can try to start an argument in order to prove that something you have to believe in does in fact exist. Since the proof comes only to one who believes, just what is it that a person is bent on proving?  If god could be proved to exist, we wouldn't have need of an argument, would we? And just because you can't prove it to someone doesn't
mean that person is trying to prove god doesn't exist.  More likely, he's just standing there wondering what you're getting so worked up about. Especially when you keep trying to tell him what he thinks instead of letting him.

I find it humorous that people will take a belief system and stand it up next to a theory and then try to pretend that only one thing can grow from bedrock so "you're either with me, or you're against me." Says who? Evolution is not a belief system. It's a theory. That's an apple; this here is an orange. Don't make rules about fruit that fruit does not know about. When the apple sees someone eat the orange, I don't think it goes all serious and tries to talk him into believing the orange is evil, or that he is unenlightened, or that eating the orange means he can't eat the apple. Some people just walk on by both of them and go for a peach. Then what're ya gonna do?

===> Moderator's Comments ...

I thought about The Doc's opening long and hard (for about ten seconds) and a line from Leo Burnett kept coming back to mind ..."I've learned any fool can write a bad ad, but it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one." I think the same applies to posts, so it didn't take long and wasn't hard 'editing' The Doc's post.

Going on to upsetting Uncle Joe, from what I know of Uncle Joe, I don't think he takes offense easily. We'll be able to guess how much The Doc has offended him by seeing whether his reply is in prose or whether it's pure poetry ! ;-)

Lastly, newcomers to the list may not know about my association with Uncle Joe. We created a baby together around February this year. Since it was my first literary baby and I do feel I've been neglecting it, I sure could do with some support and suggestions on raising it and making it go places. Check out www.ah-mah-son.com to find out more about it.

~ Gunjan

Comments -

===> How many monkeys ... a snap poll !

Hi Laughmates,

I just picked up a book titled '7 years of Highly Defective People'. (The subtitle was A Guided Tour of the Evolution of Dilbert and since it was a Scott Adams book I found the subtitle irresistible ... The Creator discussing Evolution ... WoW !! ;-))

The very second cartoon in the book reads ...

Dilbert - "Well, what do you think of my new poem?"
Dogbert - "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare."
Dilbert - "But what of my poem?"
Dogbert - "Three monkeys, ten minutes."

For a second I found it pretty amusing. Then suddenly another thought ... What if Dogbert were to read one of my poems. Let's say ...

What would he say ? Imagine if he said 1 monkey, 30 minutes?  ... and I took over 180 minutes to write it !!

With this scary thought troubling me I've come up with the idea of having a quick poll. Would you please check out the poem and let me know in your opinion how many monkeys and how much time it would take them to write
that poem?



~ Gunjan

Comments -

===> Speaking Tip

Five tips on how to be funny while using A/V

  Project a funny opening overhead or slide to help people get in fun as they arrive for the presentation.

  Use a funny pointer. I have several small pointers that I use for overhead projection. One looks like a little hand pointing a finger, one is a bunny rabbit, and one is a dinosaur. They never fail to get a laugh when I use them.

The trick is to put them on the overhead projector and go on with the presentation as if nothing is happening (deadpan expression). The bunny and dinosaur are simply erasers on children's pencils. The little  hand was purchased from a presentation supply company. If I feel like pointing to the
screen, I use a plastic "may the force be with you" sword. You could use a golf club or baseball bat or whatever you want. Try to find some excuse to tie the prop pointer into the theme of your presentation, i.e., (for a golf club) If we use ABC method we are likely to score a hole in one.

    Use the element of surprise. Don't tell the audience that a funny slide or overhead is coming.

    Briefly show self-effacing or funny life shots of you, or your family, your kids, your dog, etc. Let them pop on the screen as if they accidentally got mixed in with your business slides or overheads. With flip charts, turn the page to accidentally on purpose show your children's scribbling or a grocery note from your spouse, etc.

   Fill up the frame with your funny object when using slides,
overheads, or video. The impact is much greater.

from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

===> A school idea or a cool one ?

A new member at PUNY (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) started out with this post ...

When I was a kid (I'm 54 now.) there was a joke going around that I never understood. Still don't. If anyone out there does please explain it to me.

There were 2 elephants sitting in a bathtub.
One said to the other, "Please pass the soap."
The other elephant replied, "No soap. Radio."


Before I go on and tell you about some of the interesting PUNY replies would anyone like try explaining the joke ?


On second thoughts, I'll get to the PUNY replies next week. Let's see if our Laughmates have more interesting explanations.

Comments  -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.

Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.

Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)

===========  This week's Humor ==============

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie.

Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly..

But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday which they did.

Eager to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the 200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars I collected."

The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"

Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend
opened it and counted the contents..

"What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know "f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-justl-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it
t-to y-y-you?"

(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest

Comments :

===========  This week's Stress Reliever  ==============

See if you can make it to heaven ...


P.S - Don't try playing more than thrice, the game
currently has only 3 words !

(Thanks Dianne)

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


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