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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf mailto:email@example.com
16th July 2003 # Issue 120
If only God would give me some clear sign!
Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
~ Woody Allen
IN THIS DIGEST :
Moderator's Comment -
~ Uncle Joe
Looking for God
~ The Doc
~ Moderator's Comment
~ from Tom Antion
School idea or Cool Idea ?
THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...
===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========
=== > Comment on Moderator's Comment
> I mentioned the limerick chats that Lane and I have...
> Feel free to join the melee if it strikes your fancy.
Is your broke arm your bloke arm or is it
The one you use to knock when you visit?
Do you talk computerese
And then like what you sees?
Or with one hand can you tyoe and just whiz it?
Stay sane Lane.
Batty Balls and other Wicket Wit
===> God ...
BEFORE YOU GO OFF AND JUST PRINT THIS THING WILLY-NILLY, THERE ARE TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD
1. It's too damned long to just be used in the newsletter, so it needs editing, and
2. The only thing that I would say I would like used if any of this is used is the final two paragraphs. The rest is terrifically illuminating
and bold, vicious in its incisiveness, tender in its resolution. Ah, sigh,
but it's also just me babbling along and tossing my thoughts about like Johnny Appleseed. The difference is that his seeds bore fruit, whereas
my seeds could well bore even fruit.
Oh, oh, oh, and 3. I don't want to piss Uncle Joe off because of the
relationship you have with him, and whether this would do that or not,
I don't know, but I don't need to be going around alienating folks.
So, let's see how well you edit, and what you decide are the salient
points in the tome here following. And if none of that works, just see
it as one of my rambling notes that I send along to you now and then.
Oh, lordy, lordy, how did I get back into the fracas and fray of evolution and creation? Whenever I try to inject a bit of humor into
an otherwise tawdry topic, I seem to get washed up on the shore of misunderstanding. Let me see if I can weasel my way out of the
gunsights of Uncle Joe, because I'm really, really not game. (I'm not in season at this point, at least, though I feel as if I'm standing in
front of a record sized behemoth that quite a few people are taking shots at without regard for my poor vulnerability.) Just when I thought it
was safe to go back into the water... I incautiously went for a
swim, and I ended up getting baptised.
The point of the joke I sent in a couple of weeks ago was not to illustrate that confusion can be caused by the different meanings of
words, but to caution that sometimes an answer may not be profitable because the wrong question was posed. I can see where
the word "found" (have you found Jesus) is given two different meanings by the jokes' participants, and therein lies the
punchline, but not wanting that to be the focus is why I added the tagline
about asking the right question.
By framing a question this way - Do you believe in creationism or evolution? - one improperly loads the options for an answer by
building an unavoidable controversy into it. At the very least, there should be two questions made of that one (Do you believe in
creationism? Do you believe in evolution?) and each could be answered "yes" or "no" or both could be answered
"yes" or "no" and so on. Uncle Joe's statement that he believes in a god that
could guide the evolutionary process would be a perfect example of someone who might answer "yes" to both of the questions
about creation and evolution. "No" to both questions would allow
for a third theory, or even more, which is a possibility that is eliminated when the two questions are combined.
Combining the two questions creates two sides from which each can argue with and judge the other. That seems a futile way to
approach a discussion. If I don't believe a god created all this, why do I have to be perceived as a godless evolutionist? Or,
conversely, if I believe in a god that did create all this, why do I do so at the risk of being perceived as a proselyte by someone
who does believe in an evolutionary theory?
In the little input I have had in this discussion, I have not indicated where my personal beliefs might reside. I have noted that as a result,
anything short of a statement of unswerving, unquestioning belief in creation makes those who do so believe perceive me as "on the
other side." Translation: a non-believer target.
Case in point, Uncle Joe says that the little joke of mine is neither here nor there, which minimalizing would have been fine, but the
posture is a bit extended when this is added: "But it uses the
Dawkins technique: illustrate something stupid in religion as indicating that God
doesn't exist." Now, c'mon, Uncle Joe. Has something made
you a bit tender? I don't believe anything in the joke even intimates that god
doesn't exist. That would be a whole different joke.
As for the theory of evolution being debunked every day by things such as the organelle, as a theory it is subject to constant revision as
new facts are made known. Because of that, I suspect it will be quite a while before those who see validity in studying evolution just throw
in the towel and say, "Oh, hell. We're wrong. See ya."
Like all scientific theory, the truth changes when something comes along to dispute it. Theories grab at new information and work to find a
way to build better theoretical planks. That's how we advance from the hypothesis. Some people seem to feel it invalidates their belief if
every other person doesn't believe the same way. Pretty rigid thinking there.
I think the nonsense either-or of creationism versus evolution is fun as an intellectual exercise if everyone is having fun. I think Douglas
Adams' theory that the world was created by white mice to use in an experiment is probably as valid as any other theory at this point.
And, blasphemy of all blasphemies, I was ordained forty years ago, and I had that ordination re-affirmed this past year, but that didn't
mean I had to stop thinking. I've not yet known a man who has been argued into a belief. "Okay, ya whupped me logically, so I
guess I believe in god." I don't know what it is that causes a man who has "found" god to suddenly stop asking all those questions
that were once so important to him, and instead begin arguing with anyone and everyone who still feels the same way he did up until a
minute or two ago. I also don't understand how some people can try to start an argument in order to prove that something you have
to believe in does in fact exist. Since the proof comes only to one who believes, just what is it that a person is bent on proving? If
god could be proved to exist, we wouldn't have need of an argument, would we? And just because you can't prove it to someone doesn't
mean that person is trying to prove god doesn't exist. More likely, he's just standing there wondering what you're getting so worked up
about. Especially when you keep trying to tell him what he thinks instead of letting him.
I find it humorous that people will take a belief system and stand it up next to a theory and then try to pretend that only one thing can
grow from bedrock so "you're either with me, or you're against
me." Says who? Evolution is not a belief system. It's a theory. That's an
apple; this here is an orange. Don't make rules about fruit that fruit does not know about. When the apple sees someone eat the orange,
I don't think it goes all serious and tries to talk him into believing the
orange is evil, or that he is unenlightened, or that eating the orange means he can't eat the apple. Some people just walk on by both of
them and go for a peach. Then what're ya gonna do?
===> Moderator's Comments ...
I thought about The Doc's opening long and hard (for about ten seconds) and a line from Leo Burnett kept coming back to
mind ..."I've learned any fool can write a bad ad, but it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one." I think the same
applies to posts, so it didn't take long and wasn't hard 'editing' The Doc's post.
Going on to upsetting Uncle Joe, from what I know of Uncle Joe, I don't think he takes offense easily. We'll be able to guess how
much The Doc has offended him by seeing whether his reply is in prose or whether it's pure poetry ! ;-)
Lastly, newcomers to the list may not know about my association with Uncle Joe. We created a baby together around February
this year. Since it was my first literary baby and I do feel I've been neglecting it, I sure could do with some support and suggestions
on raising it and making it go places. Check out www.ah-mah-son.com to find out
more about it.
===> How many monkeys ... a snap poll !
I just picked up a book titled '7 years of Highly Defective People'. (The subtitle was A Guided Tour of the Evolution
of Dilbert and since it was a Scott Adams book I found the subtitle irresistible ... The Creator discussing Evolution ...
WoW !! ;-))
The very second cartoon in the book reads ...
Dilbert - "Well, what do you think of my new poem?"
Dogbert - "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the
entire works of Shakespeare."
Dilbert - "But what of my poem?"
Dogbert - "Three monkeys, ten minutes."
For a second I found it pretty amusing. Then suddenly another thought ... What if Dogbert were to read one of
my poems. Let's say ...
What would he say ? Imagine if he said 1 monkey, 30 minutes? ... and I took over 180 minutes to write it !!
With this scary thought troubling me I've come up with the idea of having a quick poll. Would you please check
out the poem and let me know in your opinion how many monkeys and how much time it would take them to write
===> Speaking Tip
Five tips on how to be funny while using A/V
Project a funny opening overhead or slide to help people get in fun as they arrive for the presentation.
Use a funny pointer. I have several small pointers that I use for overhead projection. One looks like a little hand pointing a
finger, one is a bunny rabbit, and one is a dinosaur. They never fail to get a laugh when I use them.
The trick is to put them on the overhead projector and go on with the presentation as if nothing is happening (deadpan
expression). The bunny and dinosaur are simply erasers on children's pencils. The little hand was purchased from a
presentation supply company. If I feel like pointing to the
screen, I use a plastic "may the force be with you" sword. You could use a golf club or baseball bat or whatever you
want. Try to find some excuse to tie the prop pointer into the theme of your presentation, i.e., (for a golf club) If we use
ABC method we are likely to score a hole in one.
Use the element of surprise. Don't tell the
audience that a funny slide or overhead is coming.
Briefly show self-effacing or funny life shots of
you, or your family, your kids, your dog, etc. Let them pop on the screen as if
they accidentally got mixed in with your business slides or overheads. With flip charts, turn the page to accidentally on purpose show your
children's scribbling or a grocery note from your spouse, etc.
Fill up the frame with your funny object when using
overheads, or video. The impact is much greater.
from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]
Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========
===> A school idea or a cool one ?
A new member at PUNY (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) started out with this post ...
When I was a kid (I'm 54 now.) there was a joke going around that I never understood. Still don't. If anyone out there does
please explain it to me.
There were 2 elephants sitting in a bathtub.
One said to the other, "Please pass the soap."
The other elephant replied, "No soap. Radio."
Before I go on and tell you about some of the interesting PUNY replies would anyone like try explaining the joke ?
On second thoughts, I'll get to the PUNY replies next week. Let's see if our Laughmates have more interesting explanations.
Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion
A breakthrough e-book which will show you how to build an
electronic marketing business from "square one" into a
five-figure . . . six figure . . . even a million dollar asset.
Adds Tom Antion "I don't have a tremendous amount of
basic computer knowledge. The technical stuff doesn't even
interest me. . . .
I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.
Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)
=========== This week's Humor ==============
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally, by chance, while checking
the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his
Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed
money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their
living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie.
Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech
impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly..
But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back
seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the
following Sunday which they did.
Eager to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out
selling our bibles last week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the
200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his
hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to
give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars
The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"
Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend
opened it and counted the contents..
"What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's
3200 dollars in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church,
door to door, in just one week?"
Louie just nodded.
"That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison.
"We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I
think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know
"f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just
what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-justl-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it
(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
=========== This week's Stress Reliever ==============
See if you can make it to heaven ...
P.S - Don't try playing more than thrice, the game
currently has only 3 words !
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