Your Working Humor Discussion List
I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf mailto:email@example.com
30th July 2003 # Issue 122
(Commenting on why he cut his cruise vacation short)
Fish don't applaud.
~ Bob Hope
More Quotes by Bob Hope -
IN THIS DIGEST :
Moderator's Comment -
The Other Moderator's Comment
~ Lane Pope
~ P.K Jha
~ Frank Plot
~ from Tom Antion
Keep Hope Alive
~ Gary Hallock
~ Guy Ben Moshe
So what's your stapler called ?
THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
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Of course we knew that he wouldn't live forever and yet, it's so sad to hear about the death of Bob
Hope. It feels as if an era of comedy has come to
an end. But then as Gary said in the subject line of his Haiku tribute, we must keep hope alive.
Getting back to matters at I-Laugh quite a few people have been wondering and have asked what
the 'God' discussion was all about and why did it
feature in I-Laugh. It all started, not "In the beginning" but in I-Laugh #103,
when I posted what I though was a funny little article. Unfortunately it wasn't very funny to some people and
I got some very serious replies. Instead of not posting them, I tried to post them and add a touch of fun but it
seems that it hasn't been enough. So inspite of Willem's request to close the discussion with his post, I am closing
that thread for now. (Willem adds that he won't take of-fence as this might let the cows out.)
On another front, quite a few of our new subscribers have never used a discussion lists and had some questions on how
to use the list. It's very simple. First go through Index right at the beginning of the issue. Depending on how new you are to the
list some of the 'continuing discussions' posts may not make sense to you. Either skip them or if a post sounds intriguing
enough to check, check it out in the last few issues by going through the archives (I have just updated them and they are at
If you feel like commenting about any of those posts please do so. Otherwise jump in and participate by
commenting on the new discussions.
If you would like to see discussions on some other topics you can start the ball rolling by mentioning what you'd like
to see, asking a question, or making a comment about any topic related to humor at work. We really do look forward
to your comments, feedback, questions... (Or as a very dear
friend of mine used to say while signing of his mails please keep in touch with message, memo, mail, note or atleast
a smoke signal !)
Last, but not the least, a big THANKYOU (that's the biggest I can manage using plain text) to Mari Bontrager for pointing
out that the link to our sponsors was not working in some browsers. Really amazing stuff ... we had the link as
which Mari said was
not working. I tried it out and it seemed to work fine. That is, I landed up at Phil and Clara's page, but on closer
inspection I found that my browser had automatically changed the link to http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh
and that's why I had no problems. And for so long we've been cursing ol' Gates that all his software is all junk. ;-)
Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #122.
With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
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The Other Moderator's Comment
The other evening, my sister-in-law joined us at the movies. After getting out of the theatre, she and my mom headed
straight for the sidewalk.
I strolled out a little behind them, and noticed a man lurking in the shadows behind the box office. Looking at him more
closely, I felt the urge to go give him a big hug.
It seems my brother had dropped by, knowing we were there. His wife had walked right past without seeing him.
Immediately afterwards, of course, the boys came out of hiding, too, surrounding their mom and grandmother.
One of the amusing stories that came out of that is the Abbott and
Costello-esque problem the boys seem to be having these days.
While I don't remember my brother having this problem, the boys are running in this issue with their name.
Teacher: OK Ben, what's your last name.
Ben: It's Israeli.
Teacher: Fine, but what is it?
Teacher: How charming. But what is your last name?
Ben: It's Israeli
Teacher: OK, can you spell it, in English letters?
Ben: Sure. I-S-R-A-E-L-I
Teacher: Not that - your name.
Ben: But my name IS
And so...it goes...
I could just imagine my brother's experience, when he arrived in New York around the age of four or five:
Immigration: Where are you from?
Immigration: What is your first name?
Immigration: No, no, [cutting him off] I already know where you're from.
What is your name?
Immigration: [muttering to himself] these ignorant
[out loud] What do your teachers call you?
Immigration: [in exasperation] Never mind. What is your
Immigration: NOOOOOO!!!!!!! Not, your nationality.
Your last name?
[bewildered] It's Israeli.
Immigration: Hey, can someone help me here?
come here, let me talk to the man.
Immigration: Aha! You're son is mocking me!
you asked his first name. It's Israel. His middle name is David.
Immigration: And his last name?
Immigration: Oh no! Not again.
Pity none of that ever happened. David would have loved that. He's a great Abbot and Costello fan. In fact he has a framed
poster of "Who's on First" hanging on his wall.
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===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========
=== > True Blue
> Let's have a mad ads contest for Laughmates.
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Anyone else want to try their hand at Mad Ads ?
==> Accidental Thought
In case of an accident "presence of mind" is good, but, "absence of body" is even better.
==> Accidental Attire
Attire (read as A Tire) may be okay for males to wear to an accident scene but for females I
think two tires would be more appropriate.
But then of course some ladies may find my suggestion too tiring !
In any case don't don 3 tires. I've heard there's a company that lops them off.
And another company that'll stone you if you're in breeches.
If you're wearing a gown watch out for the goo, dear !
That takes care of Dunlop, Good Year and Bridgestone. Michelin is tougher proposition to pun on. But then we are
ignoring the French right now .... aren't we ?
Just sKIDDING ! I should 'tread' more carefully about these sensitive topics !!
===> More Accidental Attire
For a minor fender bender, wear something stunning or maybe just a pullover.
For a major collision, try something smashing.
If a military vehicle was involved...choose a tank top.
Planning to defraud the insurance company...wear fleece.
Just wanting a quick $$ settlement...go with cashmere.
Car ended up in a lake...fishnet stockings or a turtleneck.
Car caught on fire...bring hose.
Vehicle was broken up...try a 3-piece suit.
Vehicle debris everywhere...go with overalls.
Got a flat tire...probably a jacket.
~ Frank Plott
Balloon Twisting? Wear pumps.
===> Speaking Tip
ATTACK AUTHORITY by Tom Antion
I was leafing through and old book by Gene Perret the other day and it had a section in it on the title of this article. For
those of you who don't know it, Gene Perrett was the head comedy writer for Bob Hope. Gene was talking about the risk
and reward of attacking people in authority for comic effect.
I have used this technique hundreds of times at corporate and association events and not once have I had a problem. Do you
know why? It's because I clear it and explain it to the authority figure before I do it.
When I approach an authority figure like the president of a company or the CEO I tell them that it's a great honor to be
big enough to be jabbed at. I even tell them that I'll prepare comeback lines for them if they want me to.
A few issues back I talked about a pizza franchise that had a KickButt radio campaign going on. I said to the managers, "If
the CEO wants you to really KickButt in this campaign then he should let you get a little practice at this meeting." I then
went on to do the pillow routine with a target on it that the CEO strapped on. Any manager that answered a question about the
campaign correctly got to kick the CEO in the rear. The place went nuts and the CEO came away as a great leader who wasn't too
stuffy to participate.
This was a very mild form of attack on authority because it "appeared" I was putting the CEO on the spot and challenging
him to go along with it when in reality I told him in advance that I was going to do something outrageous that involved him. He
gave me the go ahead.
OTHER AUTHORITY FIGURES
If you are reading this in the USA, you know that we are lucky enough to be able to make fun of politicians, and other public
figures without retaliation. In fact, it's pretty much expected. The late night comedians thrive when we've got a bumbling or
otherwise out-of-the-ordinary President or Vice President and you can too.
In this article I won't go into what you actually say, but the way to stay out of trouble is to tease everyone equally. Don't
bash the republicans without slamming the democrats a time or two.
It's safest if you tease a group that you belong to. It's much safer to tease your own affiliations. You get the right because
you belong to the group which means you're basically teasing yourself AKA self-effacing humor.
To start using this technique look at your pre-program research. See what people are complaining about and that will usually lead
you to a person or person's responsible. If the issue is old, it's a little safer because anything that was wrong is now water
under the bridge. If the issue is fresh it could lead to more laughter because it's current, but the risk is a little higher
because the issue may be too hot.
from Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking' newsletter
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]
Send in your scripts here -
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========
===> Keep Hope Alive !
Though we always knew
He couldn't live forever
We never lost Hope
Beyond Heaven's pearly gates
A great job for Bob
~ Gary Hallock
Sharp wit that would sting
Jokes! bada boom bada Bing
Like his pal cross bee
British born Leslie
Brought to these shores to give Hope
Trooper for the troops
Ev'ry soldier's true buddy
Soldiers filled with fears
Army thought they needed hope
Hope never failed them
~ Guy Ben-Moshe
Going through a New York Times Tribute to Bob
Hope I found a couple of things very interesting...
In Sept 1989 an 86 year old Bob Hope performed with 93 year old George Burns at the Madison Square Garden.
The Garden described the one-night event as 179 years of comedy. In actuality, Mr. Hope had been a comedian for the
last 66 years, while Mr. Burns has been in show business for only 86 years at the time.
Well even if you take the 'actual' figures that's 152 years of show business between these two guys. What could
have been the secret of their longevity ? Could the secret lie in the quote that I used at the beginning of this issue ?
[Just in case you didn't notice it ... it read - (Commenting on why he cut his cruise vacation short)
Fish don't applaud.]
Let's hear your opinions in this regard !
P.S - The Guide to Humorous Quotations newsletters will focus on Bob Hope for the next 2-3 issues starting
from this weekend. If you're interested you can sign up by sending a blank mail to email@example.com
===> So what's your stapler called ?
Mari Bontrager has just started a list called 'Just about a Kitchen 'Zine which encourages
you to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible. It also has tips on making the few
moments that you have to spend in the kitchen as much fun as possible. (I'm sure you see
the similarities to I-Laugh which has always had Yossarian as it's patron saint ;-). Here's a fun
extract from the latest issue ...
====^ Quick Kitchen Tip
Dare to be silly; name your appliances.
Example: We named the small cordless hand-vac that sweeps our Just About a Kitchen floor. She's called
"Susie Suck-up". Makes me smile, every time.
True. You won't get out of the kitchen any faster, but a light heart makes the chores go easier!
I haven't yet thought of a name for my stapler but my computer is now called 'Confucious' (Holds Tons of
Wisdom and Witticisms in him, but you have ask him gently to get it out of him ... he don't like to be rushed ...
He is an old man, after all ... a Pentium 133 ;)
To subscribe to Mari's list you have to send me a box of chocolates and ask me for the url very sweetly and
maybe I'll ....
Ok ! I'm kidding ! Visit
Robin Williams in one of Stand-up shows said -
"But you realize some men are born great, some achieve greatness, some get it as a
graduation gift. It's OK !"
Would anyone like to comment on their bosses or CEO's in the light of that statement ? ;-) (Yeah, sure
we'll keep your posts anonymous if that'll make you feel better )
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I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
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Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)
=========== This week's Humor ==============
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died recently in the United States. No one really knows how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and helping folks get jobs done without
fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense.
He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets
the worm, and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies
(the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived
cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math."
His health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent
decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a
six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a
swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his
condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student
but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals
received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional
Finally, when people, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, were awarded a huge settlement, Common
Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations
such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by: his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
=========== This week's Stress Reliever ==============
A must for your organisation ...
(I wonder how Scott Simmerman would have
used one of these for a training session ;-)
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