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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com
Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com
http://workinghumor.com
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6th August 2003 # Issue
123
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom
Our Heavenly Father created because he was
disappointed in the monkey.
~ Mark Twain in Eruption
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN THIS DIGEST :
Moderator's Comment -
~ Gunjan
The Other Moderator's Comment
~ Eva
_____________________
CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS
Lamenting the End !
~ Joseph Harris
Speaking Tip
~ from Tom Antion
NEW DISCUSSIONS
Why Live ?
~ Gunjan
Brutus says Bob Hope was brilliant ...
and Brutus is an honorable man !
~ Gunjan
Hard(ly) Work?
~ Gunjan
THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Moderator's Comments
-------------------------------------------------
Dear LaughMates,
STOP PRESS. Drop whatever you're doing. This is
Serious ! Mari, ask the resident programming genius
to look at this. Amit, Arik, Ayush, Doc, Gabor, Uncle Joe,
Willem please tell me that this is just a gag. When TOM sent
me this URL I thought it was funny ... but as I kept looking
through it, it got psyching.
Could this be true ?
If you heard about cloning 10 years back ... you'd have
laughed about it. But today it's no joke ! Similarly if this ...
http://www.newtechusa.com/ppi/main.asp
is true it's no joke.
If it you think it IS serious (or would atleast like to make
us believe it's not a gag ;) send your comments on what
else you've heard on the subject, your views on how you
think this will affect our future or any related comments to
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=PPISerious
If you think it's a gag, and it certainly looks like one of those
jokes that software programmers love to pull on each other,
then notice the trouble taken to make it look believable. The
interview, the FAQ, the whether you can have a primate
in your own setting, the how this will affect the primates
already working there ! ;-) etc etc
I love it and I take my hat off to the people who came up
with it. What do you think of it ?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=MonkeyGag
But it ruins all the punny comments I'd planned for morbid
humor for this week ... Dorothy Parker eat your heart out !
You were supposed to be the 'life' of this issue. You've
been upstaged by monkeys ! What is the world coming to ???
Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #123.
With best wishes
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
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The Other Moderator's Comment
----------
Dear LaughMates,
Well, that was a very distracting editorial. I went and looked at
the PPI site...and am still chuckling. Being very credulous myself,
of course, I firmly believe that they do have chimps doing programming.
In fact, they're probably regularly hired by Microsoft to debug
their software before releasing them on the unsuspecting public.
And understanding the economics of Primate Programming,
clearly, living expenses must be cheaper, after all, they don't
need a full house for each programmer. And certainly no carpeting.
All the furry folk can live in cages and which can be hosed out regularly.
Of course, their diet isn't that expensive - they'll work
for bananas.
And let me tell you, they save a TON of money on wardrobe.
Hmm....sounding better and better. Do you think they could
teach me programming and let me live with them, too?
Your Comic Guide
Eva Rosenberg
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------------------------------------------------------------
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
------------------------------------------------------------
===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========
=== > Lamenting the End !
Now the debate has ended
I've nothing to do
But pick up the litter
And polish my shoe.
My keyboard lies idle;
My brain has fused out.
Perhaps a car ride'll
Shake the gray cells about.
Just give me a reason,
And a rhyme made to match -
For in this silly season
'Tis the nonsense they hatch.
Now one-liner Bob's gone
To the fairway on high -
But if evolution
This must be bye-bye.
Joseph Harris
Smile Poetry Weekly (fortnightly)
www.smilepoetryweekly.com
Batty Balls and other Wicket Wit
www.ah-mah-son.com
Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=TheEnd
===> Speaking Tip
Fun with Signs ...
Some of my favorite signs:
At a hospital in Prince Georges County, Maryland:
Hospital Policy is to refuse service to hospital
patients.
(This was posted at the snack bar.)
Funny tombstone inscription:
As I am now, you soon shall be.
Prepare for death and follow me.
Scribbled below:
To follow you I'm not content.
Until I know which way you went.
Another tombstone:
It's so soon, I'm done for,
I wonder what I was begun for!
On church marquee: Honey I Shrunk the Sermon
On door of small restaurant: Out to lunch
Sign in front of bankrupt store: We Undersold
Everybody.
These English language signs were seen outside the
United States:
1936 French sign: Don't kill your wife with work,
let electricity do it.
In a Bangkok drycleaner's window:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Please leave your values at the front desk. (France)
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
(Japan)
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that
the lobby
be used for this purpose.
(Switzerland)
Here's my favorite sign of all time from a hotel in
Acapulco, Mexico:
The manager has personally passed all water served here.
~ from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]
Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips
=========== NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========
===> Why Live ?
Dear Friends,
I don't normally enjoy morbid humor ! I remember
when someone had asked me while I was still a teenager
what qualities should the girl of my dreams have ?
I'd replied 'Joie de Vivre' and I'd been surprised when
she wanted me to list out more qualities!
And yet ...I couldn't help smiling at this ...
Resume
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
~ Dorothy Parker
Are those good enough reasons to live ?
~ Gunjan
Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=WhyLive
===> Brutus says Bob Hope was brilliant ...
and Brutus is an honorable man !
I'm sure you've come across such bums ! I won't
give you the url and help this guy achieve what he
aims but among the worst tributes that I read about
Bob Hope in the last week ... and I have read atleast
20 this week... was this numbskull who titled his article,
'Don't let anyone tell you Bob Hope was not Brilliant'.
In the article he does a reverse Mark Anthony and goes
on to say that Hope's radio shows were terrible ... that he
was lousy stand up comic ... he did all his army shows only
because he got an audience which could not run away ...
but he was brilliant in two of his films.
By the time I finished reading his article I was really put off.
Later I was thinking to myself why I got so ticked off. It
wasn't the fact that he had very different opinion from mine
that upset me. It wasn't that he dared to go against the
opinion of millions of people ... in fact I'd have probably
enjoyed that part had it not been for something which
Bob Hope himself mentioned and stressed on time and
again --- TIMING ! His timing unlike Bob's was absolutely
terrible.
Coming up .... lots more on timing ...
>
>
>
>
At the appropriate time ... of course ! ;-)
~ Gunjan
Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Timing
====> Hard(ly) Working ?
On another discussion forum (again related to Bob Hope,
or atleast leading off from Bob Hope and then flying off to
all sorts of topics like whether Clinton was a bigger #$%^&
or Nixon) some flamer came up with the line ... 'You lazy
Americans, get off your lazy @&$^$ and do some work
for a change.'
To which someone replied (sans bruit ni gloire*) with a
url which I found very interesting. Here it is ...
http://www.commondreams.org/views01/0728-02.htm
What do you think of it ?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=HardWork
And what do you think of it in the light of the Primates
URL that you saw at the beginning of this issue ?
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=14hoursnoway
~ Gunjan
* Words that I like from the only French poem that I
remember. But I do hope I've spelt them right. They
mean literally translated 'without noise or glory'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I like to write deposit slips, not programs.
I do know where to "click" to make money and this E-book
was designed to make it easy for you to click in the right place.
Adds Gunjan "Start by Clicking here" :-)
http://snurl.com/click
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=========== This week's Humor ==============
Work vs. Prison Just in case you ever got the two
mixed up, this should make things more clear...
IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in
an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in
a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON ... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK ... you only get a break for one meal and
you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK ... you get rewarded for good behavior
with more work.
IN PRISON ... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors
for you.
AT WORK ... you must carry around a security card and
open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and
playing games.
IN PRISON ... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK ... you have to share with some idiot
who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON ... they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK ... you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON ...spend your life looking through bars, from
inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK ... you spend most of your time wanting to get
out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON ... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK ... they are called managers.
IN PRISON ... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers,
with no work required.
AT WORK ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work,
and then they deduct taxes from your salary
to pay for prisoners.
(Thanks Dianne)
Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor
=========== This week's Stress Reliever? ==============
I have always wished that my computer would be
as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true.
I no longer know how to use my telephone.
-Bjarne Stroustrup, computer science professor,
designer of C++ programming language (1950-
)
(Thanks tOM)
Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=lolurl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
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