Your Working Humor Discussion List
I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg mailto:email@example.com
Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
29th October 2003 # Issue 135
I think the next best thing to solving a problem
is finding some humor in it.
~ Frank A. Clark
IN THIS DIGEST :
Moderator's Comment -
The Other Moderator's Comment
Worth Trying out ?
~ Jean Ventura
~ Herman Beck
~ Lane Pope
~ from Tom Antion
Express your Outlook
~ Uncle Joe
Back Up Plan
THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
THIS WEEK'S STRESS RELIEVER
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It's Halloween time and everything is in trick or treat mode.
Yup you heard right, everything. Including my computer
which has been playing gags on me for the last couple of
days. My immediate worry was that it had caught a dose
viral infection. But Kamath, my good friend and hardware
wiz has just completed checking it out completely and is
confident that my computer has no viruses.
So, how does he explain the inexplicable things
that are happening ? He doesn't. You don't believe
me that computers have developed a sense of humor
and do nutty things ? Try explaining how a computer
works fine through the day but just goes off for 1 hour
from 4.30pm to 5.30pm. That's not what my computer is
doing, but I have had the good fortune of making
acquaintance with a computer which used to do just that.
It is used to be such a thrill telling different computer
hardware geniuses about this comp. They all felt we were
pulling their legs till we let them meet old 'Sleepy at 5'. It
was great fun.
Coming back to my computer it would take too long to
explain what fun things its doing but it has been keeping
me at the edge of my seat. I'm keeping my fingers
crossed that it'll settle down to it's old Confucian ways
in a couple of days after Halloween and holding on
tight so I don't fall off the edge before that.
Hope you have some wonderful friends who'll play some
great gags on you too,
With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - email@example.com
Jest a Quote - firstname.lastname@example.org
Jest in Literature (A) - email@example.com
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The Other Moderator's Comment
We've been walking around the neighborhood. My husband
has chosen this moment to try to rip me away from the
keyboard to get fresh air - when the air is full of ashes
and soot from the wildfires (whose smoke) within site of
our house. (Three feet away and I go through withdrawal.)
Looking around at the decorations, people have really gone
all out - ghostly cadavers on the front lawn; re-creations of
the Psycho house (or is that just poor maintenance) - no, I
remember, the sign said Bates Motel; strings of orange lights;
frightening sounds (no, that was the dog barking frantically).
I think THE most frightening thing we saw on our walk were
the lawns full of pine needles and dead leaves. Blocks away
from a raging wildfire - and these people have left a complete
fire trap surrounding their and their neighbors' homes. Now
that's not just frightening, it's terrifying.
Like the sound effects? Chilling, aren't they?
My husband has pulled out the painting/welding masks. You
know those paper things you put over your nose and mouth
to block out the fumes. OK, good, now I have them in the
He told me to make sure I wear cotton or natural fibers until
this fire is over. Polyester and the artificial stuff has a tendency
to melt onto your skin. Well, except for the TaxMama t-shirts,
that lets out most of my wardrobe. Even most of the good stuff
is rayon...ok, there's some silk, but...hey, when you sweat, silk,
well, you know, talk about looking like a wet t-shirt contest.
OK, you've read the precautions. Now, tell me, do you think that
if the smoke was heavy enough that I need to use the mask, that
I will stay in the house for another minute? Heck no! I'll head
across town where it's safe.
Got to run. There just isn't enough time today.
Still running, still behinder...
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...
===== CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========
===> Worth Trying Out?
With reference to your sign off line last week ...
> Got to run now....still behind. To paraphrase Alice,
> "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get."
... have you tried slowing down and checking out if
this helps you catch up ? ;)
Logically, it should work, shouldn't it ?
Tried following your advice. I slowed down.
New work caught up with me. Never, never slow down.
Clients will catch you. I'm busier than ever.
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
==> Sponsor's Ad
After reading a table of contents and deciding whether
anything is interesting, I go straight to the material I want
to review. Top Sponsor Ads are annoying. I read only
the first line, if I read it at all.
I liked Sponsor Ad #4. It said something I can relate to,
gives info I would want to know now and might use one day,
even though I'm not in the market RIGHT NOW for ink.
I order ink online when I have extra money and can wait for
delivery. I have to plan ahead. Usually, though, I pay twice
as much at a store for a refill because I had no extra money
and need it now. Sucks, but that's how it is.
Moderator's Comment - Thanks for your comments, Jean.
I will use Ad 4 more often (I like it too and I'm sure Mark
Twain would also have appreciated it, although I don't think
this is the kind of ink he'd have enjoyed using. Check out
what he had to say about his writing implement.)
==> Sponsor's Ad
Here is a thought. We learned about MaxPatch from your list
and started ordering from them. We now order from them
consistently but not by clicking their sponsored ad. We are
reminded to check supplies and to use MaxPatch when we
see the ads but we are now already customers so just go
directly to the order page to place the orders. If anyone else
out there does this then Phil is getting results, he just can't
measure them. I hope he can see the wisdom of this idea.
Moderator's Comment - Thanks for your comments and reassuring
thoughts, Herman. I'm sure Phil does see wisdom of this idea and
that's why he has supported us through thick and thin. It would be
interesting to see how many other Laughmates have become regular
MaxPatch customers. Would Laughmates who are now regular
MaxPatch customers please stand up, take a bow, and say a
few words ! Thank you !!
However, in my opinion I must still keep striving to find some new
every month (and not just sit on past laurels) for Phil to get his money's
worth. Let's see if I can disturb Lane (refer next post) from her
most important task, long enough to make her a customer ! ;)
==> Sponsor's Ad
I usually don't click on ads because it is time consuming,
and I am a nonbeliever.
Too, my time is so consumed by saving the world for
the next generation
Moderator's Comment - Nonbeliever of ADS ? Now,
THAT is blasphemy of the worst kind ! ;)
===> Speaking Tip
Beware when you prepare dry erase boards
by Tom Antion
I am a real sticker on preparing in advance. There are some rare
instances when preparing too far in advance could cause you
trouble. This is one of them.
Let's say you have access to your presentation room the night
before, so you visit the room and decide to put your opening dry
erase board comments on the board.
The next day you start your presentation, talk for 15 minutes,
refer to your dry erase board comments for several minutes and
then you go to erase them. --- oops. They might not come off
without some serious scrubbing of the board.
This happened to me once and I had to hold the back of the board
with one hand and scrub each little inch of writing really hard
to get it erased enough to continue.
from Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking' newsletter.
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]
Comments or if have you a tip to share -
Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion
========== NEW DISCUSSIONS =========
===> Express your Outlook
Am I being too Forward with this Reply, All?
Well, that's the Outlook; Express comments in Print
and don't forget your Addresses. Your Views will be
Inserted in the right Format with the appropriate Tools.
Message ends. Send Help.
~ Uncle Joe
Moderator's Comment - This is a part of a message sent
by Uncle Joe to PUNY. I post it here to remind him that
we miss him here at I-Laugh. [If it didn't make too much
sense to you it's because it's incomplete ... not because
Uncle Joe had one cup too many (of Tea)]
===> Back Up Plan
One of my friends (let's call him Mr. A) runs an event
management company. Recently he got an order for an
event. Unfortunately, for him the person with whom he had
to co-ordinate was a graduate from one of India's Top
Management Institutes and took it upon herself to educate
Mr. A on how to run his company.
A caterer was picked for the party. She sampled the food,
not just once but twice, told the caterer how the food could
be improved and then gave her OK for the order to be placed
on him. She then added to Mr. A - "The caterer seems to
be ok, but you must have a back up plan." Mr. A was quite
surprised as he has worked with this caterer on quite a
few occasions and has never had a problem. He started to try
and explain this to her but she was insistent that the only
sound strategy would be to have a back up plan.
Next the DJ was decided and after she had gone through his
collection of CDs and tried to teach him his business too, he
was okayed. Again after settling on him, she insisted that
Mr. A have a back up plan. Again Mr. A tried explaining that
he had worked with this DJ for almost 5 years now and didn't
have a single complaint but she just wasn't willing to listen.
Mr. A was regretting by now at having taken this job,
but since he had taken it and it was a matter of a couple
of days more he managed to keep his patience, but he did
feel that this genius needed to be taught a lesson.
His opportunity came when she called him up at 11pm at
home on the night before the event and wanted to check
if everything was hunky dory. That's when Mr. A in a very
sweet and friendly tone asked her ... "Ma'am, if I don't turn
up tomorrow, do YOU have a back up Plan?
What do you think ... did she have one ? What do you
feel was her answer ?
Fasten your seatbelt, take a deep breath, hold tight - and
we're off - aboard the haunted ghost train for the spooky
ride of a lifetime. Meet your doom in the Castle of Gloom!
Swallow a barbecued bat! Dangle those cobwebs and rattle
those bones and dare to enter this spooky poetry collection.
=========== This week's Humor ==============
Follow the rules...
I'm sure that you've seen these rules before and really, they're just
common sense. But since we're coming up to that time of the year,
I think it's wise to review them. Something about this time of year
can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check
to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot
of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds
to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around!
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what
you're doing, just don't fool with it!
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch
up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog you're in
if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is
strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself
instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time
to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
=========== This week's Stress Reliever? ==============
(Thanks to the Wz-ard of Humorous Poetry
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