I-Laugh Archives
Your Working Humor Discussion List

I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List

Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

25th December 2003    #     Issue 143
If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly
and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach
behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all
his comrades are seasick.
- Mark Twain (The Innocents Abroad)


Moderator's Comment -
                                                              ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                                               ~ Eva


Comment on issue 142
                                                   ~ Tom Trottier
                                                   ~ Gunjan

                                                  ~ Tom Trottier
                                                  ~ Jerome K Jerome

Speaking Tip
                                                   ~ from Tom Antion

Miserable Failure (What an achievement)
                                                    ~ Gunjan



----------------   SPONSOR MESSAGE   -----------------

"Need Ink?... Don't pay retail!"

Lot's of high quality solutions to Save You money...
Come see how you can Save on your printing costs!

Satisfaction IS Guaranteed at MaxPatch Ink!

{Psst - NOW's the best time to visit Phil. He's got a
Holiday Discount going on ~ Gunjan}

Moderator's Comments

Dear LaughMates,

Here I sit, looking like Rudolf The Rednosed Reindeer.
I thought I had a common cold till Dave Barry educated
me further on the subject...

Further on the subject of Dave Barry, check out
quotes from Dave Barry hits below the Beltway at...
A must read for all those who keep getting irritated
by all the funny things politicians around the world
keep doing.

And further on the subject of colds, mine lets me read
for about 15 minutes then my eyes start to water; lets
me work on the computer for 15 minutes then my eyes
start to water; lets me ... (I better complete this issue
in the next 11 minutes ;)

Lastly, further on the subjects of reindeers - Merry Christmas.

With a touch of glee, here's I-Laugh #143


With best wishes
Who is still busy working on
to search for a quotable signature !


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

A friend of mine was 'set up' on a blind date recently.

She went to have lunch with him..and naturally told me all the

Now, realize that we had just had a conversation about men
a few days before this lunch. We had pretty much come to
the same conclusion - guys over 30 who were still living with
Mom were to be seriously avoided. (If they've just moved back,
well,...that's open to consideration. But guys who've never left...)
Let's face it, guys who've never lived on their own will expect
their wives to wait on them hand and foot. They can't cook,
sew, fix anything or do any kind of housework. Today's girls
do not find these qualities attractive.

So, off she went.

SHE - young, beautiful, smart, independent, popular.
Does live at home, with Mom, but they rarely cross paths.
(Mom dates.)

He turns out to be well over 40, lives with Mom, still.
   Isn't really clear on what he does, or if he has friends.
(He evaded all those questions.)

But, he's questioning HER about her finances and interests.

It seems, he's getting Mom's house and needs to
marry someone in order to avoid paying taxes on $500,000
of the profit instead of $250,000. (It's double if you're married.)

Well to get that benefit, both people have to live in the house
for two years. So, they'd have to live together, too, not just
get married.

I asked her, would you do it?

Of course, she said, "no."

What if he paid you?


What if he paid you $50,000?


Ironically, some guys are so unpleasant that even really good
money can't induce a woman to live with them.

So, next time you go out with a new woman...think - what
kind of impression are YOU making?

Today is Christmas Day. To some of you, that's really
important, special, full of tradition and family.

To others, heck, it's just a day off. With pay. What should you
do to honor the day? Quick, sneak off to the theaters and catch
the new movies before the Christmas folk are let out of their homes.

Have a wonderful holiday season - to all!

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com -Where taxes are fun!

NEW! Start 10 Businesses Online Without Spending a Dime

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...



===> Comment on Issue 142

1. While the resort may have been expensive for individuals,
there may have been a special deal that reduced costs
considerably - by more than 50% for the organiser.

2. Why complain here? Who paid for it? Write a letter to the
newspapers or your elected representatives and get the right
people listening.


[Moderator's Comment - IMHO and IDBEMHO
(That's 'In My Humble Opinion' and 'In Dave Barry's
Even More Humble Opinion') not all that irks you politically,
should be acted upon ... some of it should be just laughed
at! Here it is in Barry's words ... ~ Gunjan]

And so we must now ask ourselves; Can this system be
fixed? Can we, the people, by taking an active political
role and demanding change, bring about meaningful reform
of the federal government - reform that would retain the
positive elements, and at the same time eliminate the waste,
the fraud, the abuse, the stupidity? That is the question that I
intend to answer in this book. In fact, I'll answer it right now :
No, we can't.

So instead, we should learn to view the federal government
as entertainment - a comedy extravaganza, featuring the kind
of madcap craziness and wacky hijinks that you can get only
when you give nearly $2 trillion a year to an organization with
the proven financial management expertise of a tub of bait. This
book will be a celebration of that entertainment. So sit back,
grab a dried plum and enjoy it. Hey, you paid for it.

Comments -

===> Shyness

Dear Gunjan,

Alas, my conceit gets me down in the dumps the most. However
"smart" I may be, I can't read their minds nor know more than all
of any group. So my conceit is quickly crushed shortly after it appears.

What I find that conquers shyness is preparation and interest. In front of
groups, know your stuff and how to get it across. In front of individuals,
explore their interesting life and opinions. In the first, knowledge is the
saviour, in the second, ignorance.


Dear Laughmates,

That Gunjan has no idea where an extract should be snipped.
Read the same extract along with the following paragraph
and see if it makes more sense ...

Conceit is the finest armor that a man can wear.  Upon its smooth,
impenetrable surface the puny dagger-thrusts of spite and envy glance
harmlessly aside. Without that breast-plate the sword of talent
cannot force its way through the battle of life, for blows have to be
borne as well as dealt. I do not, of course, speak of the conceit
that displays itself in an elevated nose and a falsetto voice. That
is not real conceit--that is only playing at being conceited; like
children play at being kings and queens and go strutting about with
feathers and long trains. Genuine conceit does not make a man
objectionable. On the contrary, it tends to make him genial,
kind-hearted, and simple. He has no need of affectation--he is far
too well satisfied with his own character; and his pride is too
deep-seated to appear at all on the outside. Careless alike of praise
or blame, he can afford to be truthful. Too far, in fancy, above the
rest of mankind to trouble about their petty distinctions, he is
equally at home with duke or costermonger. And valuing no one's
standard but his own, he is never tempted to practice that miserable
pretense that less self-reliant people offer up as an hourly sacrifice
to the god of their neighbor's opinion.


Comments -

===> Speaking Tip

Saver Lines to be used if your Projector Light burns out...

    This is the first time I have been brighter than my equipment.

    I don't understand. I left this thing on day and night for
       six days to make sure the bulb worked.

    [Talk to projector lovingly while patting it] Now, don't be shy.
       These nice people really want to see you. [Sternly] And so do I.

    [Wave hand in front of the lens] Wake up in there! Yoo Hoo.
       Wake up!

    I have a joke. How many projectors does it take to mess up one

    Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty or give me a light bulb."

    Does anyone happen to have a [long description, recited quickly]
       quartz, two-prong, Model 921 EYB, 125-Volt, 250-watt
       overhead projector lamp on them?

    These overheads/slides are a little darker than I expected.

    [Refer to blank screen] Can anyone see this in the back
       or front or anywhere?

    [Refer to blank screen] Don't you enjoy the vivid colors of
        my visuals?

    [Pretend to read a service tag] Last serviced by Thomas Edison.

~ from Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe (free) why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion


==========  NEW DISCUSSIONS =========

===> Miserable Failure

Hi Laughmates,

When Tom sent me a mail reading ...

Search Google for miserable failure. Guess what pops up first.....


...I couldn't guess. So naturally just as you're probably doing
right now I went and did the search. My first reaction was a
smile. The second total amazement. Although Google, I
know, has a great sense of humor (I collected their Festive
Logos for over 2 years) I didn't think they'd deliberately
alter their search results, in fun. So I started wondering how
it was done. I didn't have to wonder for too long cause
most of the following articles had just that ...

BBC NEWS | Americas | 'Miserable failure' links to Bush
Newsday.com - Miserable Failure? Google Trick Says It's Bush
Archived Weblog Entry - 10/27/2003: "I'm taking part in a new web ...

etc, etc. And each article on the subject will keep adding to the
link popularity which is one of the important things that Search
Engines consider these days.

Just imagine, all it would need would be for about two dozen
of you to start referring to me as the EXalted WZard or the
EXotic WZard or even the EXcruciating WZard and my
www.exwz.com would rank no1 for all those terms.

Mr. Bush must be feeling so EXtatic right now ;!

~ Gunjan
The EXhausting WZ-ard !

STOP paying more for your printer supplies than what you
paid for your printer! We're here to save YOU money!

Come Save Now at MaxPatch Ink Supplies!

===========  This week's Humor ==============

The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how
they celebrated Christmas.

She called first on young Patrick Murphy.  "Tell me, Patrick,
what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and
sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come
home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang
up our stockings.  Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas
to come with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you
do at Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we
sing carols.  When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the
chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for
Santa Claus to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question.

"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded.
Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing."

"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the
office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory.
When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing,
"What a friend we have in Jesus."

Then we all go to the Bahamas for 2 weeks.

(Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)

Comments :

===========  This week's Stress Reliever? ==============


Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Information on how to advertise in I-Laugh :

FAQ, Information & Archives at our website,

Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg

YOU have permission to publish any part of I-Laugh
electronically free of charge, under the following

First: The author of the piece receives full credit,
with all links to their e-mail address &/or site intact

Second: The following byline is included.
"This article is reproduced with permission from I-Laugh,
Your Working Humor Discussion List.
Copyright Gunjan Saraf and Eva Rosenberg "

However, if you are getting paid for your  publication
(it is by paid subscription), please be good enough to
contact us to arrange a payment  to us for the material
you are using.

A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated..


I -Laugh

Info for Newbies
Submission Guidelines
Articles Index

Business Cartoons


Selling Humor

Professional Humor
Medical Humor
Educational Humor
Military Humor
Advertising Humor

If you've had enough 'Serious' Humor relax in our 'pun' zone -
Jest For Pun

About Us

Contact Us

If you had learnt French and its getting rusty
you're in the same boat as us.
Join us as we share jokes, funny poems etc
(along with help files) and row hard ;!
Facebook Page


WorkingHumor.com now has a Facebook Page. It's still a baby, hasn't learnt how to dance yet
but maybe you're the one we're waiting for, to get the party started ;o!
Check it out here

Custom Search