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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
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31st December 2003    #     Issue 144
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He (The Foreigner) does not have to try to be good, as we do.
He does not have to start the New Year with the resolution
to be good, and succeed, bar accidents, in being so
till the middle of January.
~ Jerome K Jerome
http://www.jkjquotes.com/englishgoodness.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment -
                                                              ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                                               ~ Eva
________________________

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR -> 2003 Top Ten
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Comments
-------------------------------------------------

Dear LaughMates,

I thought a long time on how I wanted to finish
this year. Like Brer Fox I thought whether to hang it
or drown or throw it down the briar patch.
Finally I settled on just 'I-Laughing' it off !

So here it is, a joyful goodbye to 2003 with a pick
of my favorite 10 Humor for this Week columns
in the 52 issues in 2003. I had a ball reminiscing
 as I went through the back issues. Hope you enjoy
them too.

But in any case...

If this year was not perfect, don't fear,
The EXec WZard has sent you m'dear,
at the cost of an arm
a very lucky charm...
It's on its way - A Hoppy Gnu Ear !

Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #144

;o)

With best wishes
Gunjan
The EXcruciating WZard of Humorous Poetry
www.exwz.com/poetry


P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
64841-subscribe@zinester.com


Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments

----------
The Other Moderator's Comment
----------

Dear LaughMates,

2003 is ending. It's no laughing matter!
Where did this year go?
I haven't had my summer vacation yet.
That's simply not fair!

Are the days moving by more quickly the older we get?

I used to be able to do a million things a day.
Now I can only do 20 or 30.

Are you experiencing this phenomenon, too?

On the radio this morning  I heard someone talking about
a two-year study some psychologists performed recently.
They proved that rejection makes you dumber. They were
surprised to find no emotional damage, but it actually
reduced their IQ points by about 25%.

Hmmm...that sounds like a damaging test. How did they
restore those IQ points after their tests?

Actually, I know of two people who were told they were dumb.
My observations are just the opposite - severe emotional
harm and an increase in intelligence. Or determination.

One, the young girl, believed it. Still suffers from esteem issues
25+ years later. However, it compelled her to study, study, study.
Today she is a psychologist with a Ph.D. with a healthy practice.

The other one, a young student at Bevery Hills High School, was
told by a guidance counselor that he wasn't bright, so don't
plan on going to college. That, too, was terribly  damaging
emotionally. He had a hard time sustaining personal
relationships and building deep friendships. (unworthy).
Yet, he graduated UCLA, did well, and every job he had since
graduation, he was the youngest 'to', or the best salesman, or...

The moral of this story? If you really want to motivate your
children, employees or friends - tell them how much dumber or
slower they are than their siblings or peers.

You'll totally cripple them emotionally, but, boy, will you ever
get performance out of them.

Your humble observer of humanity,

Eva Rosenberg
http://taxmama.com -Where taxes are fun!

Start 10 Businesses Online Without Spending a Dime
http://www.1automationwiz.com/app/aftrack.asp?AFID=78247

-----------------------------------------------------------
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...

http://snurl.com/impwit
------------------------------------------------------------

======  This week's Humor (I-Laugh #98) ========

Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician/physicist goes to a bar.
He sits in the second-to-last seat and turns to the last seat, (which
is always empty) and asks a girl (who isn't there) if he can buy her
a drink.

The bartender, who is used to weird university types, shrugs but
keeps quiet. However, when Valentine's Day arrives, and the
mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into
empty space, and his curiosity gets the better of the bartender.
He says, "I apologize if this strikes you as a stupid question, but
surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool.
Why do you persist in asking out someone who's not even there?"

The university nerd replies, "Well, according to quantum physics,
empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence
and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function
will implode and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't
you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could
buy HER a drink? Never know... she might say yes."

The nerd laughs. "Yeah, right -- like THAT could happen!"

(From Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #107) ========

Did you hear about the Nihonjin guy who was working for this
Hakujin guy in Los Angeles who would constantly put him down?
All the Nihonjin guy would do when he was insulted, would be to
bow and say, "This morning, every morning."

Again, a put down, and again "This morning every morning."

This went on week after week and a Nisei guy who was watching,
got sick and tired of it and went to the Nihonjin guy and berated him,
saying, "That Hakujin guy is insulting you and all you do is bow and
say 'This morning, every morning.' Why don't you talk back?

The Nihonjin guy said, "I am talking back."

The Nisei asked incredulously, "You're talking back? Where do
you get that?" The Nihonjin said, "I'm talking American, but I'm
thinking Japanese."

The Nisei asks, "What do you mean by that?"

The Nihonjin says, "How do you say 'This morning' in Japanese?

The Nisei thought, and finally answered, "Kessa".

Then the Japanese asked, "How do you say 'Every morning' in
Japanese?"

The Nisei answered, "Mai assa".

The Japanese answered, "Well".

(From Dr. Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners )

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #108) ========

A man stopped at a gas station and, after filling his tank, paid the
bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola,
and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.
The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was
digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the old.

The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down
the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can into a trash
container and headed down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the workers, "Can you tell me what's
going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the government," one of them said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not
accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping his brow.

"Normally there's three of us: me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole,
Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and
me can't work."

(From Dr. Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners )

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #112) ========

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a
new computer. The training officer said the computer was able
to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee
and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room!
You'll have to get rid of that coffee."

The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"

"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."

(From Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #120) ========

The Zen Master is visiting New York from Tibet.
He goes up to a hot dog cart and says,
"Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the
Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the
bill in the cash box and closes it.  "Where's my change?"
asks the Zen Master.

And the vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #120) ========

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious
financial troubles. Coincidentally, by chance, while checking
the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new
bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his
Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles
door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed
money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for
the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their
living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles
but he had serious doubts about Louie.

Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to
keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech
impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly..

But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided
to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back
seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with
him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the
following Sunday which they did.

Eager to find out how successful they were, the reverend
immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out
selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father,
using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the
200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you
manage to sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied,
"Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to
give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I
sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars
I collected."

The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You
are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to
you."

Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said,
"And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"

Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend
opened it and counted the contents..

"What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's 3200 dollars
in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church,
door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd
better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know "f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-justl-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it
t-to y-y-you?"

(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners)


======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #127) ========

New Virus Warning !

I thought you would want to know about this email virus.
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee
cannot take care of this one. It appears to mostly affect those
of us who were born prior to 1960.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

It is called the "C-Nile Virus."


(From Dr Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #130) ========

Indians - The Friendliest, Most Helpful people in the world !

On a business trip to India, a colleague of mine arrived
at the airport in Delhi. He took a taxi to his hotel, where
he was greeted by his hospitable Indian host. The cab
driver requested the equivalent of eight dollars U.S.
for the fare, which seemed reasonable, so my friend
handed him the money. But the host grabbed the bills
and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him
a worthless parasite and a disgrace to their country for
trying to overcharge visitors. The host threw half the
amount at the driver and told him never to return.

As the taxi sped off, the host gave the remaining bills
to my colleague and asked him how his trip had been.
"Fine," the businessman replied, "until you chased the
cab away with my luggage in the trunk."

(Thanks Dianne)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #133) ========

Modern Furniture

The junior executive had been complaining to his
wife of aches and pains.

Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving
home from work one night, he informed her, "I finally
discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got
some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and
I just learned today that I've been sitting in the
wastebasket."

(Thanks tOM)

======  This week's Humor   (I-Laugh #139) ========

I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss, he's the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location -
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every  day!
I love my chair in my padded cell!
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers -
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and all its software,
I hug it often though it doesn't care...
I love each program and every file,
I try to understand once in a  while!!
I'm happy to be here, I am I am,
I'm happy to give lots of taxes to my government.
I love this Work, I love these Chores.
I love the meetings with deadly  bores.
I love my Job - I'll say it again -
I even love these friendly Men...
 The men who've come to visit today,
In those lovely white coats to take me away!!

(Thanks Dianne)

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=144

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I

I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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