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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

17th May 2004    #     Issue 159
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
~ Bernard Meltzer

More Friends/Frienship quotes at :


Moderator's Comment
                                            ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                           ~ Eva


Further curbs on Poetic License
                                 ~ tOM

Speaking Tip
                                   ~ from Tom Antion

Humorous Extract

Bad Day at the Office ?




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Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

I love my job, I Love my Job, I LOVE my JOB.

If you're wondering why I'm mumbling ... wait till you get to 'Bad Day at the Office' and you'll know why I'm feeling so thankful.

Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #159


With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

And while Gunjan loves his job and eschews jellyfish, today (Monday) is a remarkable day. It's the culmination of nearly a year's planning and work, as well as 10 years of waiting on something very near and dear to my heart.

Last year, my friend and HelpMate ( ihelpmate.com) Virginia Lawrence told me her  S.P.A.W.N. (www.spawn.org ) writers association was thinking about putting on a special workshop to teach kids to write.  I loved the idea so much that TaxMama.com offered to sponsor it, on the spot.

After some extensive planning and finding the right group of kids who were enthusiastic about participating, Patricia Fry, president of SPAWN, developed an 8-week workshop. The results were better than anticipated. A dozen teens wrote stories and poetry, designed and laid out their book, oversaw the design of the cover - and published the book: "Tuesday Afternoons, Creative Writing by Ojai Valley Homeschoolers"

Ironically, the book signing is on Monday evening - tonight. I've been invited to come to the signing. (So exciting.) Then, Patty asked me to speak to the kids and give them a meaningful present.

Wracking, what's left of my brain after weeks of being buried in my tax book, I came up with a great idea - Chicken Soup for the College Soul - after all, these teens will be going to college.

It's doubly significant, because one of my college stories is included.

Mentioning this signing to a friend of mine, who happens to be an executive at a nearby radio station (the closest large station to Ojai), he was so excited that he insisted on coming out to cover the event.  (We will be spending the afternoon recording samples of spots that may turn into a nationally
syndicated radio feature - please, please, keep your fingers crossed. )

One of the authors of the Chicken Soup series, Jack Canfield, lives nearby, in Santa Barabara. He may come, since I called his office to order the books - and invited them all. Once that ball started rolling, other people had friends
in the press - and it turns out, these anonymous children may have more press there than family.

Oddly enough, coincidences come into play on this day, so significant for these kids. To make the day even more unusual, not one, but two major US newspapers featured quotes from me - one with a photo (in the print edition). So, insignificant, little ole me, shows up tonight as a minor celebrity.

5/17/2004 2:32 AM
Digital world expands for professionals by Jim Hopkins

Lawyers should celebrate new matri-money By Cosmo Macero Jr.

And you think Gunjan loves HIS job.

So, how is YOUR day going?

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg

P.S. The 100th Anniversary of Salvadore Dali was this month.
Can you imagine someone creating such contemporary and
beautiful pictures as long ago as the 1920s and 30s?

Grumpiness CAN be cured ! And with kids the faster
you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on
Amazon.com are to be believed here's a sure-fire cure...

What Are YOU So Grumpy About?


===> Further Restrictions on Poetic License

Dear Gunjan,

Nah, only babies are born, not men.
Otherwise women would find it too painful.


Comments -

===> Speaking Tip

Say It With Fewer Words
       By Patricia Fripp CSP, CPAE

You've got a great, major presentation, and suddenly you're asked if you can get your message across in five minutes! Don't panic. For today's television generation, sound bites can be more powerful than lengthy dissertations.
Here's how to compress your speech without losing impact.

Don't apologize or mention that you usually have much more time. Be confident that you can communicate in five minutes. Begin fast. Start with a an attention-getting statement such as, "Your job won't exist five years
from now," or "In the next 5 minutes I want to convince you the best action you can take is__"

Use a strongly visual story. Illustrate your points -- how it is now, how it will or could be -- with a story so vivid that the audience can "see" it. Divide your 5 minutes into three parts. Present a problem, a payoff, and your point of view: "The number one piece of advice I can give you today is...," your story illustrates your idea and your walk away line could be what will happen if they do what you suggest!

[from Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking' newsletter.
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion


========= NEW DISCUSSIONS =============

===> Humorous Extract

I'd already heard of Harry Cohen Baba. As the story goes, he was born into a family of tailors on New York's Lower East Side and at a very early age demonstrated remarkable healing powers. Whenever an item of torn or frayed clothing was brought into his presence, he would wave his hand over the garment, say a few loving words like "Pull yourself together," or "Don't be frayed," and magically the garment would be healed. For many years he owned a tailor shop, where he toiled needlelessly.

As word of the Garment Center Saint's talent for healing spread, people began coming to him to mend not just their garments but the very fabric of their lives. Many of those who came were misfits whose habits left them poorly suited for life. Others were hanging on by a thread. Their entire material existence needed altering. But Harry was afraid he couldn't measure up. One night,
weary from wrestling with this challenge, he was visited in a dream by a strange apparition. Wearing a long white beard and dressed in a caftan, the figure identified himself as Yeshivananda, leader of an obscure sect known as Men of the Cloth. He told Harry that his purpose in life was to use the spiritual to heal the material through the magic of laughter. "You're going to need better material, though," Yeshivananda told him. "You must go to the mountains and sit at the feet of the great Fu Ling masters."

As a newly-ordained Man of the Cloth, Harry Cohen Baba made his first of many journeys to the mountains, where he sat with every great Fu Ling master who ever held an audience. He sat with Benny, he sat with Henny - and yes, he even sat with Lenny. From them he learned the Zen Cohen, a configuration of words designed to ignite a moment of enlightenment with a spark of laughter. He became a tailor of tales, gathering the finest material and weaving it into a piece that would suit anyone in need of alterations.

And so it was with great anticipation that I signed up to accompany the Garment Center Saint on one of his New Deli pilgrimages. A new deli had just opened on 37th Street, and Harry Cohen Baba was going to check it out. I sat reverently in the great one's presence as he devoured a pastrami sandwich and washed it down with Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Tonic. Finally, I could contain
myself no longer. "Oh, Garment Centered One," I blurted out, "what is the secret of happiness?"

"Digesting," he said, his mouth full, barely looking up from his plate.

"That's it? Just sitting here and eating food is the secret of happiness?" I asked, greatly disappointed.

"Who said anything about food?" he replied. "I said the secret of happiness is die-jesting. We all gotta die someday, so we might as well die jesting. And since you never really know when grin reaper may show up, I suggest you start jesting now."

{Copyrighted Material Reproduced with Author's Permission}

(The above is an extract from .........    any guesses ?
No ???
Duck Soup for the Soul.
Written not by any grouchy brothers but by the one and
only Swami Beyondananda.
Visit him at www.wakeuplaughing.com
Or check out the book at
Don't forget to Look Inside !)

Comments -

===> Bad Day At The Office

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2
on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.  It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamberdry
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my Job."

From Jo Lene's Daily Humor

[Eva tells me that the diver story has been running around for years. She just checked to see if it's true.
So even if you had seen the story... bet you didn't check to see if it was true or not ;)]
Comments -

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...


=============  Twisted Lessons  ==============
[ W h a t   I   L e a r n e d   d u r i n g   t h i s   w e e k ]

The world's a-changing !

My Teacher

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

(Thanks Jim Clark)

Comments -

===========  This week's Humor ==============

->     One Day You are the Statue

One day you are the statue,
A wise man said to me,
The day when everything goes wrong;
And worsens by degree --

The day when there's no parking space
For work or mall or, worse,
Near home you find your road blocked off -
Your comments now  are...  terse!

And supper, starting out with promise,
Is burnt beyond repair
And choking smoke fills every room;
Both up and down the stair.

To bed - in which you spilled your drink -
Headache that won't abate,
And sleep in rather gloomy mode -
For, to be pigeon, I still w-a-i-t.

Chacha Joe
copyright 2004 Joseph Harris www.smilepoetryweekly.com

"One day you are the statue, the next you are the pigeon," is a
priceless - almost profound - line from "The Office".

Comments :

========= This week's Stress Reliever? ========


(Thanks Uncle Joe - Smile Poetry Weekly

Comments or Submissions of your own favorites:


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