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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

24th May 2004    #     Issue 160
I take a great pride in my work; I take it down
now and then and dust it. No man keeps his work
in a better state of preservation than I do.
~ Jerome K Jerome

More JKJ quotes on work :


Moderator's Comment
                                             ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                            ~ Eva


Humorous Extract

Speaking Tip
                                    ~ from Tom Antion


Making a To Do List ? Don't forget to add the don't forgets

Full of bull$^*!




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Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

Quite a load of BS in this issue already, let me not add to it. So without much ado, here's I-Laugh #160


With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
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Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


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The Other Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

Monday morning, reading through my mail, there was an announcement from a multi-billion dollar entity about a new page on their website. It was a page that let you submit your ideas, comments and suggestions about systemic problems with the company, its customer service function, its paperwork, website and such.

It wasn't a place for submitting complaints about your specific problem - rather problems with their policies and procedures, typos, and bad links.

A few minutes later, reading the Wall Street Journal, they also announced this new feature. Then, I saw it on another news site. So, I had to click over and try it.

And I ran into a systemic problem. Before they let you enter your comment or suggestion, you had to pass a brief gatekeeper questionnaire. It asked you five yes/no questions about your purpose there, and if you get the answers right, you get the privilege of going to the holy page with the input form.

My first attempt resulted in the message:

"Your question is not qualified." (It included some information about why not and links on where to go for other services.)

I tried again, marking different boxes yes, no. Second time - "Your question is not qualified."

Trying 8 more times, with a variety of yes/no combinations.... "Your question is not qualified."

There was NO way to get past the gatekeeper.

Well, remember, after all, I AM your Humble Guide. I know things beyond the scope of mortal users. I know who controls the output on that website, ranked among Alexa's top 1000.

So, to alert them about a systemic problem with their systemic problem form, I had to go around their system to contact them with this message:


         1) there is a glitch in the system (a systemic problem), or
         2) It was never intended to actually take input, or
         3) it needs another question or two to qualify the situation.

Uh. Same thing happened to them. Hopefully, by the time you read this, it will be up and running properly.

No, I won't tell you...it's too embarrassing for them. Free advice, my friends? When you send out your press releases about new features on your site - test the features first.

Your Humbled Guide,

Eva Rosenberg

Grumpiness CAN be cured ! And with kids the faster
you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on
Amazon.com are to be believed here's a sure-fire cure...

What Are YOU So Grumpy About?


===> Humorous Extract

Duck Soup spun us a tailormade warped tale and weft us laughing in our mourning coats and that's no baloney. Pastrami on wry, anyone?

Salami Aleikum.


Comments -

===> Humorous Extract

I remember having read an article by Steve (Swami Beyondananda) a couple of years back. I don't remember what exactly it was about but it had these lines which I'll never forget -

Laughter is good for health because it makes the blood vessels dilate. And that's much better than having them die early.

So when I saw his book I grabbed it and I'm glad I did. For any of you who are in doubt whether to pick up a copy of the book or not, here's another extract to whet your appetite further...

If Nothing works - Do Nothing!

What if I told you you could do nothing all day and become fabulously wealthy in the process? If you say, "No way!" I say, "Absolutely right." Because now, thanks to my new network marketing company, No Way, you can make a fortune selling boxes of Nothing. I want you to think about
all those people who told you that nothing could make you rich and successful. Well, here is your chance to prove them right!

I tell you, this is a business opportunity whose time has come, because no matter what your problem is, Nothing will help. For example, Nothing has been proven to cure every disease imaginable. That's right. Studies show that placebos alone are effective in about 20 percent of cases - and what better
placebo than Nothing? You can forget about pesky product liability lawsuits. We promise Nothing - and we deliver. How many companies can make that claim?

Imagine how refreshing it will be for your friends who have been inundated with multilevel marketing opportunities. You can truthfully tell them you have Nothing to sell - and then sell it to them! Yes, in a world filled with products that are really nothing disguised as something, you call sell something
disguised as Nothing. Think of all those pessimystics out there who insist that nothing can help the starving multitudes, nothing call alleviate poverty, nothing can revive our neighbourless 'hoods. I say, let's prove them right and prove them wrong at the same time. Imagine armies of homeless or unemployed young folks selling boxes of Nothing door-to-door. "They told me nothing could get me off the streets," they might say, "and I am hoping they are right. Will you help?"

Now why, you might ask, would anyone be interested in buying Nothing? Well, for one thing, most of us already have everything. In fact, we have so much of everything that we don't appreciate nothing. After all, God made the entire Universe from nothing. And the same holds true of our own creations. Every painting begins with an empty canvas, every book with a blank page, every symphony with silence to be filled. As Harry Cohen Baba used to say, "Listen, if you don't know Nothing, you don't know nothing."

(Copyrighted Material Reproduced with Author's Permission - Duck Soup for the Soul. Written by Swami Beyondananda.
Visit him at www.wakeuplaughing.com
Or check out the book at
Don't forget to Look Inside !)

Comments -

===> Speaking Tip

THE LAWS OF HUMOR Part III by Scott Friedman, CSP

Law #7 Spontaneity Is Always Better The Second Time Around Accidents do happen. When accidents take place, the audience becomes ill-at-ease. Any comment will break the tension. Being prepared is the key to rehearsed spontaneity.

Before making a remark, pause and look up like you are searching for something to say. The audience will think you are creating the humor on the spot.

=> Beeper goes off: Time to take my pill!
=> Ambulance or any siren: Gotta go, my ride is here!

Law #8 If They Dont Laugh, It Was not Meant To Be Funny
All humor must apply to your speech. Relevance reduces resistance. When taking advantage of humor of the moment, be ready with a comeback line.

Comeback lines:
1.Some jokes I do just for me.
2.I would now like you to bow your heads and join with me in silent prayer for that last joke that just died.
3.That is the last time I buy a joke from (key member of the organization)

Law #9 The Richest Laugh Is At No One's Expense
You lose respect and credibility when you offend someone in your audience. Listen through the ears of the audience. When in doubt, leave it out. The reason you use humor is to enhance your message. If your humor offends, then it interferes with what you have to say.

Law #10 You Are Your Own Best Style
You need to uncover the style you already have and use it, rather than someone else's style. Select material carefully so that it compliments your style. If your humor is too much different from your own personality, it appears awkward and incongruent. Be yourself!

Scott Friedman,CSP, Motivational Humorist
Author of Using Humor For A Change

[from Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking' newsletter.
To subscribe why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion


========= NEW DISCUSSIONS =============

===> Making a To Do List? Don't forget to add the Don't Forgets

Dear Laughmates,

I don't know how you feel about To Do lists. For me they happen to be one of the scariest monsters I've come face-to-face. No fairy tale animal, plant or human from Jack's Beanstalk to the eat-me/drink-me guinea pig Alice has ever grown as fast as my to-do list.

And the faster it grows, the more it leaves me immobile with fear, thus growing faster which leads to ... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, A vicious circle too vicious to talk about.

Recently, I discovered a magic way to make this monster just a touch more friendly. I've added in things which I must remember, however frightening the monster may look. I've added in a coffee break every half hour, a smile every 5 minutes, a stretch and a yawn every 12 minutes and other such fun little snippets.

Not only are these activities a huge relief but being able to tick off some items on the To-do list and seeing that it doesn't just grow one way is one of the most reassuring sights. (I suggested this to a friend who is slightly on the chubby side and needled that he add "check if toes are still there" every half
hour for a triple benefit. He says that is THE MOST reassuring sight.)

Hope you'll find this quick tip useful too. And now I must be off to dash off another item from my To-Do list.

~ Gunjan

Comments -

===> Full of bull$^*!

Dear Laughmates,

We were discussing the list of Speakers for the soon to be held teacher-reorientation program for a school. I made the mistake of suggesting a pompous old windbag to do a particular session.

One of my colleagues (who's originally from another part of the world) immediately snapped - "Who? Mr. C? But he's such a constipated shrimp."

I smiled at the thought, then asked - "That's a strange expression. I get the constipated part but in what way does he resemble a shrimp ?"

My colleague replied - "Well, I don't know about your part of the world, but in my part of the world, shrimps are transparent, or at least translucent.

"I wouldn't have minded a speaker who was full of sh*t, but it's terrible when everyone can see he's full of sh*t," he concluded.

~ Gunjan

Comments -

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...


=============  Twisted Lessons  ==============
[ W h a t   I   L e a r n e d   d u r i n g   t h i s   w e e k ]

The importance of thinking outside the bogs !

My Teacher


(This cartoon is put up temporarily just to share with
you what I learned this week and will be removed
by next week)

Comments -

===========  This week's Humor ==============

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service" - "The act of doing things for other people." 

Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Internet Service, Telephone Service, Electrical Service, Civil Service, City/County Public Service, Customer Service, Service Stations, and I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. 

Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows. SHAZAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. 

(Thanks tOM)

Comments :


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