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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

19th July 2004    #     Issue 167
When your opponent's sittin' there holding all aces,
there's only one thing left to do: Kick over the table.
~ Dean Martin

More quotes from Dino at -


Moderator's Comment
                                               ~ Gunjan

The Other Moderator's Comment
                                               ~ Eva


Neat Printing Tip
                                               ~ from Inknews

Speaking Tip
                                      ~ from Tom Antion


How far should you follow a Guru.


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Moderator's Comment

Dear LaughMates,

This week I received a letter from someone asking for
some tips on starting an ezine. It stated that the
reason she wanted to start an ezine was...

"because Gurus say it is The Most Important Thing"

...which (like most other things) reminded me of some
passages from my Humor Guide to Life (Catch 22).
Let's see if you agree with them too.

Without further ado, here's I-Laugh #167 ...


With best wishes
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com


P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:

Please, send any comments to:

The Other Moderator's Comment

Hi All,

Sometimes, humor doesn't work.

Last week, working on an article that I expected would be
controversial in relation to the President's campaign for
re-election, I stumbled across some things I didn't expect.

First of all, I couldn't find any legal flaws with what the campaign
was doing - lots of moral ones, but they were just fine with
the legality. http://snipurl.com/7tfs 
The next thing I found was disturbing. I thought IRS, our tax
agency was doing some campaigning.  So I ended the
article with a humorous quip.

It turns out I was  completely wrong about who was engaging
in the politicking. It caused problems I'd never anticipated.

Ah well....they say the only bad press is no press.....

Have a great week.

Your Comic Guide,

Eva Rosenberg
TaxMama.com         irsexam.com

Guaranteed to coax a smile from the grumpiest of grumps,
FURRY LOGIC is a charming little book with a big heart
and sly humor. Exquisitely detailed watercolor paintings
depicting animals caught up in the joy and drudgery of life
are paired with old adages given a new spin for our times.



===> Neat Printing Tip

Printing Web Pages

When you print out web pages, do you get annoyed at all
the header and footer info that gets printed on each and
every page? You know, the web address, title, etc? With
Internet Explorer, you can get that taken right out of there,
even customize it. Here's how:

1. In the menu bar click the File menu, choose Page Setup

2. Find the "Headers & Footers" area and remove all the
funny looking characters in the respective fields. Hit OK
and you're done.

Now, that will keep the computer from printing all of your
header and footer info, but what if you want some of it?
Well, you can do that too, using the parameters below in
the header and footer fields:

&w Window title

&u Page address (URL)

&d Date in short format (as specified by Regional Settings
in Control Panel)

&D Date in long format (as specified by Regional Settings
in Control Panel)

&t Time in the format (as specified by Regional Settings
in Control Panel)

&T Time in 24-hour format

&p Current page number

&P Total number of pages

&& A single ampersand (&)

&b The text immediately following these characters as

&b&b The text immediately following the first "&b" as
centered, and the text following the second "&b" as right-

For example, if you want the header to have the window
(page) title and the URL, you would type: &w &u

If you wanted to make it so it also specified you were the
one who printed it, you could put something like:
&w &u Printed by Phil on &d

The only thing you need to keep an eye on is the spacing.
To get a single space between items (like &w&u) you need
to hit the space bar twice. Experiment and you'll get it!

(From our sponsor Phil and Clara's newsletter - The InkNews
http://www.maxpatchink.com/?laugh )

===> Speaking Tip

Stage fright Is Good and Makes You Better Looking Too! (Part 2)

Strategies in advance of program

    Be extremely well prepared.

    Join or start a Toastmasters club for extra practice.

    Get individual or group presentation skills coaching.

    Listen to music.

    Read a poem.

    Anticipate hard and easy questions.


    Absolutely memorize your opening statement so you can
       recite it on autopilot if you have to.

    Practice, practice, practice. Especially practice bits so you
       can spit out a few minutes of your program no matter how
       nervous you are.

    Get in shape. I don't know why it helps stage fright, but it does.

Strategies just before the program

Remember Stage fright usually goes away after you start.
The tricky time is before you start.

    Be in the room at least an hour early if possible to triple check
       everything. You can also schmooze with participants arriving early.

    Notice and think about things around you.

    Concentrate on searching for current and immediate things that
        are happening at the event that you can mention during your talk
        (especially in the opening).

    Get into conversation with people near you. Be very intent on
        what they are saying.

    Yawn to relax your throat.


    Draw sketches of a new car you would like to have.

    Look at your notes.

    Put pictures of your kids/grandkids, dog, etc., in your notes.

    Build a cushion of time in the day so you are not rushed but not too
     time. You don't want to have extra time to worry.

    If your legs are trembling, lean on a table, sit down, or shift your

    Take a quick walk.

    Take quick drinks of tepid water.

    Double check your A/V equipment.

    Don't drink alcohol or coffee or tea with caffeine.

    Concentrate on your ideas.

    Hide notes around the stage area so you know you have a
       backup if you happen to draw a blank.

    Concentrate on your audience.

    Listen to music.

    Read a poem.

    Do isometrics that tighten and release muscles.

    Shake hands and smile with attendees before the program.

    Say something to someone to make sure your voice is ready to go.

    Go somewhere private and warm up your voice, muscles, etc.

    Use eye contact.

    Go to a mirror and check out how you look.

    Breathe deeply, evenly, and slowly for several minutes.

    Don't eat if you don't want to and never take tranquilizers or
       other such drugs. You may think you will do better, but you
       will probably do worse and not know it.

Strategies when the program begins

    If legs are trembling, lean on lectern /table or shift legs or move.

    Try not to hold the microphone by hand in the first minute.

    Don't hold notes. The audience can see them shake. Use
       three-by-five cards instead.

    Take quick drinks of tepid water.

    Use eye contact. It will make you feel less isolated.

    Look at the friendliest faces in the audience.

    Joke about your nervousness. What's the right wine to go
       with fingernails?

Remember nervousness doesn't show one-tenth as much as it feels.
Before each presentation make a short list of the items you think will
make you feel better. Don't be afraid to experiment with different
combinations. You never know which ones will work best until you
try. Rewrite them on a separate sheet and keep the sheet with you
at all times so you can refer to it quickly when the need arises.

Use these steps to control stage fright so it doesn't control you.

[From Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe (free) why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]


Comments or if have you a tip to share -

Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion


=============  HISTORIC HUMOR  ==============

At a science fiction convention I (Isaac Asimov) was toastmastering,
I introduced Willy (Willy Ley) as "the second-best science writer in
science fiction."

There was a snicker, of course, and a broad smile from Willy, who
rose to say some words. When he was through, and before introducing
the next speaker, I said, "Willy, I introduced you as the second-best
science writer in science fiction, and on thinking that over, it seems
to me that this was a conceited thing for me to do. I wish to
apologize publicly, Willy, I'm sorry you're the second-best science
writer in science fiction.

(From Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor
http://snipurl.com/treasury )

Comments -

Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...


=============  Twisted Lessons  ==============
[ A L e s s o n  I  r e m e m b e r e d   d u r i n g   t h i s   w e e k ]

How far Should one follow a Guru...

At the end of ten days, a new group of doctors came to Yossarian
with bad news; he was in perfect health and had to get out. He was
rescued in the nick of time by a patient across the aisle who began to
see everything twice. Without warning, the patient sat up in bed and

'I see everything twice!'

A nurse screamed and an orderly fainted. Doctors came running up
from every direction with needles, lights, tubes, rubber mallets and
oscillating metal tines. They rolled up complicated instruments on
wheels. There was not enough of the patient to go around, and
specialists pushed forward in line with raw tempers and snapped at
their colleagues in front to hurry up and give somebody else a chance.


In the end, the doctors were all in accord. They agreed they had no
idea what was wrong with the soldier who saw everything twice, and
they rolled him away into a room in the corridor and quarantined
everyone else in the ward for fourteen days.


...he was still in good health when the quarantine period was
over, and they told him again that he had to get out and go to war.
Yossarian sat up in bed when he heard the bad news and shouted.

'I see everything twice!'


They rolled Yossarian away on a stretcher into the room with the
soldier who saw everything twice and quarantined everyone else
in the ward for another fourteen days.

'I see everything twice!' the soldier who saw everything twice
shouted when they rolled Yossarian in.

'I see everything twice!' Yossarian shouted back at him just as
loudly, with a secret wink.

'The walls! The walls!' the other soldier cried. 'Move back the

'The walls! The walls!' Yossarian cried. 'Move back the walls.'

One the doctors pretended to shove the wall back. 'Is that far

The soldier who saw everything twice nodded weakly and sank
back on his bed. Yossarian nodded weakly too, eyeing his
talented roommate with great humility and admiration. He knew
he was in the presence of a master. His talented roommate was
obviously a person to be studied and emulated. During the night,
his talented roommate died, and Yossarian decided that he had
followed him far enough.

'I see everything once!' he cried quickly.

(from Joseph Heller's - Catch 22

===========  This week's Humor ==============

From:  <http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/asimov.shtml>

The Collected Work of Isaac Asimov
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker

Stock Asimov Character #1

"I'm a suave, witty, brilliant, good-looking scientist. I am
everything  Asimov thought he was."

  Stock Asimov Character #2

"I am the same, except the opposite sex."

  Stock Asimov Character #1

"Great! Let's do some science stuff, save the world, and make out."

They do.


(Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel's Groaner's Digest...

Comments :

Grumpiness CAN be cured ! And with kids the faster
you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on
Amazon.com are to be believed here's a sure-fire cure...

What Are YOU So Grumpy About?

I-Laugh is edited by:
Eva Rosenberg mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

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