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I-Laugh - Your 'Working' Humor Discussion List
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Moderated by : Eva Rosenberg  mailto:eva@workinghumor.com

Assisted By : Gunjan Saraf   mailto:gunjan@workinghumor.com

http://workinghumor.com
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28th July 2004    #     Issue 168
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I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
~ John F Kennedy

More humorous quotes from JFK at -
http://workinghumor.com/quotes/jf_kennedy.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THIS DIGEST   :

Moderator's Comment
                                               ~ Gunjan
_______________________

CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS

Speaking Tip
                                      ~ from Tom Antion

NEW DISCUSSIONS
                                      ~ Fact funnier than Fiction ?

HISTORIC HUMOR

TWISTED LESSONS
Don't ever ....

THIS WEEK'S HUMOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Moderator's Comment
----------

Dear LaughMates,

I've just got permission from Barry to include
some of his articles and columns in I-Laugh !

What ... you don't know Barry ? Shucks !
Barry Smith is a neat humorist who runs
www.irrelativity.com You can get a taste of
his style in this very issue...

So, without further ado, here's I-Laugh #168 ...

;)

With best wishes
Gunjan
Many a true word is spoken in Jest
--------------------------------------
Jest for Pun - pun-subscribe@topica.com
Jest a Quote - quote-subscribe@topica.com
Jest in Literature (A) - lit-subscribe@topica.com

P

P.P.S - Please invite your friends to subscribe by sending an email to:
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Please, send any comments to:
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=Comments

-----------------------------------------------------------
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FURRY LOGIC is a charming little book with a big heart
and sly humor. Exquisitely detailed watercolor paintings
depicting animals caught up in the joy and drudgery of life
are paired with old adages given a new spin for our times.

http://snipurl.com/furry
------------------------------------------------------------

=====  CONTINUING DISCUSSIONS ========

===> Speaking Tip

Fake Facts and Statistics

Stating falsehoods as if they are absolutely true is another
fun way to play with the audience. However, you must make
the statements obviously false by your words and your facial
expressions. You don't want to leave any doubt in the audience's
mind whether you are being funny or not.

I was doing another Secretaries Day function and I told them that
studies had been conducted indicating the only reason executives
became executives was because they couldn't make it as secretaries.
    
To build up your joke you should use official sounding sources for
the information. A study done for the Alaskan Pipeline Workers
Union indicated that 97.2 percent of Alaskan Pipeline Workers
wear No Nonsense panty hose.

When using this type of humor use exact numbers for comic emphasis.

[From Tom Antion's ebook - Wake 'em Up
Get your copy at http://snurl.com/wakeup]

Tom Antion has a great newsletter called 'Great Speaking'
To subscribe (free) why not use our affiliate link (given below) ]

http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606


Comments or if have you a tip to share -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=speakertips

------------------------------------------------------------
Click: The Ultimate Guide to Electronic Marketing for
Speakers, Authors, Coaches and Consultants...by Tom Antion

http://snurl.com/click
------------------------------------------------------------

============ NEW DISCUSSIONS ===========

====> Fact funnier than Fiction?

Apart from a nasty run-in with a trampoline at age 8, for most
of my life I have been cast and bandage free.

A few weeks ago, however, an awkward lifting of something not
really all that interesting (or heavy) resulted in a loud snapping
sound in my wrist, followed by pain. When I got home I wrapped
it in an ACE bandage.

Since I'm now all bandaged up, at least a dozen times a day I
get asked the obvious question: How'd you hurt your wrist?

I reply: Bull riding.

This is meant to be a witty reply. I would think that even the most
casual glance in my direction would lead to the conclusion: "This
guy is not a bull rider." So I figured "bull riding" would be the
funniest thing I could say. So far no one has laughed, but I keep
trying. Maybe I need to work on the delivery.

"Bull ridin'."

"Riding a bull."

"BULL RIDING! YEEE HAAAWWW!"

The truth is that the truth is quite boring. I was, as I said, lifting
something. People lift things every day, so why go into details? I don't
actually care to discuss it with anyone, but there it is, my beige badge
of courage, just begging to be inquired about. And my attempts to take
the attention off of my injury by saying "bull riding" consistently
backfire,
because when I say "bull riding" people reply, "Really?" Then I have to
explain no, not really, I was trying to be funny, then they point out that I
wasn't, and I say, yeah, I know, it never is, then they ask why I said
"bull riding" if I knew already that it wasn't funny, and I say that I don't
know, then they ask why I think I need to be funny all the time, and isn't
that just a form of insecurity, and once again the discussion has taken
a nasty turn.

A few days ago I was sitting on a bench drinking some coffee and having
a pleasant chat with a gentleman who had hobbled by. He was hobbling
because his foot was in a cast. I didn't want to ask about it, because I
knew he would probably say "bull riding."

"Between your arm and my foot," he said, "we're a pretty sorry lot."
He held his foot up towards me, displaying his gnarled toes. I managed
to swallow my coffee despite this. It was obvious that he wanted to
talk about it, so I took the bait.

"What did you do?"

"Well," he said, "I wish I could say that I hurt it climbing Everest, but
the truth is I was gargling."

I laughed hard, producing a fine latte mist. Gargling! Damnit, why didn't I
think of that? Brilliant. So much more creative than bull riding.

He continued: "I was gargling and I tipped my head too far back, lost my
balance and fell. Broke three bones in my foot."

Wait a minute. He wasn't kidding. He had really broken his foot gargling!
He had a substantially funnier response than mine, but he wasn't even
trying to be funny. He was being...what's that word? Oh yeah...sincere.
Where's the justice? I quickly disguised my laughter as a coughing fit,
as I certainly didn't want to be laughing at his fate. I wished him a speedy
recovery and away he hobbled.

Now, I'm ashamed to admit that gargling isn't part of my daily hygiene
routine, it's really only something I do when I have a sore throat. But even
then I've never gargled to the point of dizziness, much less injury. This
makes me think that either this guy is hardcore about his gargling, or that
I'm too wishy-washy about mine. Apparently, if you aren't on the verge of
unconsciousness - if you aren't willing to take a trip to the ER - then you
ain't gargling, punk.

I sipped my coffee, pondering these new gargling discoveries until a friend
walked up: "How'd you hurt your wrist?"

I looked down the street, making sure the man with the broken foot was gone.
"Gargling," I replied.

"C'mon..."

"No, I'm serious," I said. "Gargling. While bull riding."

From Barry Smith's Irrelativity...
www.irrelativity.com

Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=bull

=============  HISTORIC HUMOR  ==============

George Bernard Shaw wired Churchill in 1931, "Am reserving
two tickets for you on opening night of my new play. Come bring
a friend - if you have one."

Churchill composed the return telegram.

"Impossible for me to attend first performance. Would like to
attend second night - if there is one."

(From Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill
http://snipurl.com/winwit)

Comments -
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=HistoricHumor

-----------------------------------------------------------
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...

http://snurl.com/impwit
------------------------------------------------------------

=============  Twisted Lessons  ==============
   [ A L e s s o n  l e a r n t   d u r i n g   t h i s   w e e k ]

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth
anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician,
who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the
presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed
in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they
waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can
never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish
from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about
this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had
been assigned to a terrible place.

The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he
had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had
almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen
money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of
business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs,
and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people
were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full
of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late.  He immediately began to make the
presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day
our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In
fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in
confession."

Lesson: DON'T EVER BE LATE

(Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Daily-Humor/ )

===========  This week's Humor ==============

Peeping into the diaries of ...

The Dog:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


The Cat:

Day 183 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try
this on their bed.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use
it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

(Thanks tOM)

Comments :
mailto:posts@workinghumor.com?Subject=humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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you cure it the better. If the customer reviews on
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I

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