Jest for Pun logo The Absolutely Useless Dictionary
(The Gussie Version)

AD NAUSEAM : Sick of commercials
BORED : Boyfriend stayed in the sun too long
BOUTIQUE : Disapprove of teakwood
CAISSON : Luggage has been loaded
CAMELLIA : Untruthful dromedary
CAPRICE : The grain at the very tippy top of the pile
CONTEMPLATE : Blueprint for grifters
DENSITY : Overpopulated
DICTATOR : Rudely shaped potato
DISMAL : Shopping center specializing in Walt's promotional items
EXECUTE : We think your former spouse is attractive
EXPLAINS : A midwestern subdivision area
FERTILIZE : Come hither look
FLAMBOYANT : A woman whose nephew in on fire
FLUENT : Got over the bug
FONDUE : That doe is expecting any day now
GARBAGE : Old clothes
GOURD : What a matador risks getting
GRAVY : Victory symbol on which the paint has faded
HAIRCUT : Written out of the will
HORSESHOE : Sneeze
PAINFUL : Remit the entire bill
PASTEPOT : More tea, please
PENITENT : Cheap camping equipment, available at $1.00 stores everywhere
PLANET : Think ahead
PRODUCT : Really fanatic about that tape
PUMPKIN : Ask if they know what's in the Will
PUNCH : Wordplay followed by a small sneeze
SARONG : These are in error
SIZE : Exhales hopefully when admiring heartthrob
STOPWATCH : A peeping tom gets yelled at
TAPERING : What to do when it's too big for her finger
TIPPERARY : Mrs. Gore floating (hoist by her own petard?)
TUTU : Very
VANQUISHED : Run over by delivery vehicle

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Gussie lives in the Boonies with The Love of Her Life, Bob, who, though he has a marvelous sense of humor, is curiously pun-deficient, and Catzilla, who purrs when Gussie puns, even though she can trace her ancestry all the way back to Bastet, the Egyptian cat goddess.

Gussie's career has involved writing sparkling display ad copy for small town newspapers, serving as public librarian, organizing a ladies' softball team, forming a local iris society, and in her capacity as a bowling league secretary, she once asked our treasurer, who frequently misspelled the name of the bank which held the league's funds, if the treasurer had thought of asking them to change it.

Gussie is a native Northern Californian, as are her daughters; She fell in love with a piano once, and she delights in Springbok puzzles, plate tectonics, flowers and rocks in general, and any kind of moving water.  

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