Jest for Pun logo Limericks
By Guy Ben-Moshe 

The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants
Passionate creatures do purr and coo,
When the opposite gender they woo,
And the Ram says it best,
In his romantic quest,
Telling his mate "Baby, I love ewe."
We students were not very fond
Of reading the verse "Walden Pond"
It was old and outdated
And way overrated
From the class we tried to abscond

The teacher made a pointed threat
More homework we all would get
"You'll read and give explanation
About lives of quiet desperation,
'Cause I'm not Thoreau with you yet"
At romance she wasn't too great
In fact she could not get a date
So she went to the gym
And there she met him
A hunk who was laying in weight
The stories of Samson are ample,
To tell of his strength - here's a sample:
He knocked out Phillistines
By out-boxing the fiends
With a crushing blow to the temple
A gator lover was nobody's jerk
Researching reptiles was his perk
    Without apology
    He chose Zoology
And now he's happily swamped in work
Ev'ry lady that I've dated heretofore
Wrote me poems, 'ere she crossed through my door
    There'd be no confusion
    That her body I'm usin'
'Cause she'd know from the start what I metaphor
No one expects to telephone for free
Yet each time my phone bill I see
    It sure makes me mad
    For each surcharge they add
Seems like "fee call matter" to me
Too much 'speed' in the world resulteth
In our planet being in such a meth
       As in biblical scenes
       Those amphetamines
Have seen people being stoned to death

Copyright Guy Ben Moshe.

Originally a New Yorker (until he was 19), Guy's adult life has been divided between Israel and Texas. Guy also spent over a year traveling around the world in his mid-30s, including a six month stay down under in Oz. Besides working as a CNC machinist, his passions are crocodilians, road cycling, music (guitar and mandolin), and woodworking.

After living in the Mideast for 15 years, and not speaking English on a daily basis, Guy's English syntax and grammar were in a woeful state when he moved to Texas. He says - "I was still thinking in Hebrew and saying it in English, and the results made me sound like I just got off the immigrant ship. Through writing Haiku, limericks, and puns, and partaking in the Toastmaster International speech program, I regained my English language skills -- with a vengeance! Oh, if my old high school English teachers could see me now...." . 

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