Jest for Pun logo Limericks
By Guy Ben-Moshe 

The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Passionate creatures do purr and coo,
When the opposite gender they woo,
And the Ram says it best,
In his romantic quest,
Telling his mate "Baby, I love ewe."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We students were not very fond
Of reading the verse "Walden Pond"
It was old and outdated
And way overrated
From the class we tried to abscond

The teacher made a pointed threat
More homework we all would get
"You'll read and give explanation
About lives of quiet desperation,
'Cause I'm not Thoreau with you yet"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At romance she wasn't too great
In fact she could not get a date
So she went to the gym
And there she met him
A hunk who was laying in weight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The stories of Samson are ample,
To tell of his strength - here's a sample:
He knocked out Phillistines
By out-boxing the fiends
With a crushing blow to the temple
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gator lover was nobody's jerk
Researching reptiles was his perk
    Without apology
    He chose Zoology
And now he's happily swamped in work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ev'ry lady that I've dated heretofore
Wrote me poems, 'ere she crossed through my door
    There'd be no confusion
    That her body I'm usin'
'Cause she'd know from the start what I metaphor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No one expects to telephone for free
Yet each time my phone bill I see
    It sure makes me mad
    For each surcharge they add
Seems like "fee call matter" to me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Too much 'speed' in the world resulteth
In our planet being in such a meth
       As in biblical scenes
       Those amphetamines
Have seen people being stoned to death

Copyright Guy Ben Moshe.

Originally a New Yorker (until he was 19), Guy's adult life has been divided between Israel and Texas. Guy also spent over a year traveling around the world in his mid-30s, including a six month stay down under in Oz. Besides working as a CNC machinist, his passions are crocodilians, road cycling, music (guitar and mandolin), and woodworking.

After living in the Mideast for 15 years, and not speaking English on a daily basis, Guy's English syntax and grammar were in a woeful state when he moved to Texas. He says - "I was still thinking in Hebrew and saying it in English, and the results made me sound like I just got off the immigrant ship. Through writing Haiku, limericks, and puns, and partaking in the Toastmaster International speech program, I regained my English language skills -- with a vengeance! Oh, if my old high school English teachers could see me now...." . 

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