Medical Humor

Most of my favorite doctors (whether I've met them or just read about them) have a great sense of humor. They need it to get them through a very demanding profession. They're also the ones who have the best relations with clients.

Young Doctors have so much to learn...

The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life,
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the
medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
realized she has a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in
the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks...

And believe me, it helps me sleep at night!"

But some of them learn fast... 

A young doctor took up a posting in a small town. He replaced the old, well loved doctor who had just died. He could feel that quite a few of the old patients were not yet comfortable with him. But he set out winning them over with his cheeky humor. Here's an example. 

A person in his sixties - " Doc, can you give me something which will make 25 again"
Doc - "Sure, I have the right pill for you. Just took it myself this morning. I'm actually 82 ." 

Exchanging Troubles

The first time I took my son to see Dr Vasant Shetty (a pediatrician), my son (then aged 5) was most reluctant to see any doctor.  We literally dragged him there. Once inside his office, before we were even seated, my wife started to rattle on about our son's cough, fever etc...

Dr Shetty very sweetly interrupted her, without being rude. He suggested he'd like to find out for himself. He turned to my son and asked, "OK, young man, tell me all your troubles!"

Not getting a reply, he added "And then I'll tell you mine". Still not getting a reply, he went on ... "OK! I'll go first. My trouble is that I want a lot of money, but I don't want to work for it. Now tell me your troubles...!"

You can guess how fast my son opened out to him. Soon they were chatting away like the best of friends. They had a 'breathing contest' while Dr. Shetty examined him with the stethoscope. To this day, my son, has never feared or refused to go see Doctor Uncle (even when he knows he'll be given a shot).

Building Appetite

[This little joke illustrates the tremendous pressures of being a pediatrician.]

Little Josh was brought to Dr Stan cause he hadn't eaten anything for days. Dr Stan offered him all the goodies he could think of. No luck. He tried a little scolding. It didn't work. A little pleading, to no avail. 

Finally he sat down, faced the boy, looked him in the eye. He said "Look young man, if you can be stubborn, so can I. You're not going anywhere till you eat something. You can have whatever you want, but only after you have eaten will you leave. "

Josh just sat and glared for some time, then said "Ok. I'll eat but I have some conditions. First, I'll have exactly what I want and exactly how I want it and second you'll share with me."

Dr Stan was ok with this. He asked the child what he'd like. "Worms!" said Josh.

Dr Stan was horrified but didn't want to back out and seem like a loser. So, he ordered a plate of worms to be brought in. "Not that many, just one " yelled Josh as he saw the plate. 

So, everything other than one worm was removed. Josh then demanded that the single worm be cut into two and then Dr Stan eat half. Dr Stan went through the worst ordeal of his life, and after finishing barely managing to keep his cool said ... "Ok, now eat!"

Josh refused sobbing - "No way! You ate my half!"


[I don't really believe this one, but doctors love this joke about how sad their plight is.]

Customer - Looking at plumber's bill, "$700 for an hour and a half's work, wow I don't earn that much as a neurosurgeon."
Plumber - "Neither did I - as a neurosurgeon!"

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital
officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as
they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!  


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