Jest for Pun logo Murphy's Military Laws

Heller's Advice on Military Discipline :
Don't interrupt, and say 'Sir' while you don't.

Heller's Military Law :
It doesn't make a damned difference who wins the war to a soldier who's dead.

Heller's 2nd Military Law :
The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Gadarene Swine Law :
Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

If it moves, salute it;
if it doesn't move, pick it up;
if you can't pick it up, paint it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival;
it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Friendly fire ain't.

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