Jest for Pun logo Arresting Charges
An arresting legal chat from the PUNY rosters.  


They arrested the hock shop owner for indecency--he was selling pawnographic materials.
(Cynthia MacGregor)
======================
They arrested the owner of a threatening bull--he was brought up on charges.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They arrested the Pfizer pharmaceutical rep for hitting a pharmacist because he wouldn't buy their popular pill---he was charged with Viagravated assault.
(Tiff)
======================
They arrested the barber for running a clip joint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They arrested the former chewing gum manufacturer for unlicensed
ex-spearmints.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They arrested the Chrysler salesman and he couldn't a-Ford bail.
(Cyn again)
======================
They arrested the monkey for throwing Rhesus feces at zoo attendants.  His
charge?  Turd debris assault
(Tiff again)
======================
Did you hear they arrested the Eskimo pimp? He was charged with maintaining a public ice whore.
(Gary Hallock)
======================
Did you hear they arrested a whore whose clientele was older men with
enlarged glands...she was a prostatute.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or there was the person who got charged with tripping people up...he got
charged with a fell on knee.
(Tiff)
======================
They arrested the bartender for taking liquor home. I believe the official charge was "emboozlement."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some visitors ignored the "Please don't feed the birds" sign at the zoo and were arrested for contributing to the delicacy of a mynah.
(Gary Hallock)
======================
They arrested a man for passing himself off as the comedian named Seinfeld...the charge was playjerism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They arrested a woman for causing an accident while on her cellphone...she
was charged with driving while intalksicated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a inebriated man taking a dip in a Scotland tourist spot where
there is a law that says you can't be intoxicated while swimming in the loch
...he was charged with public drunk in Ness.
(Tiff)
======================
A hiker was trekking through the forest and came upon a baby bald eagle that had fallen from the nest. The bird didn't seem well at all, but the hiker was unable to help. He gently placed the weak baby bird on a nearby branch and went on his way. A forest ranger tracked him down later and charged him with "Ill eagle in tree."
(Gary Hallock)
======================
A warehouse worker at Baccarat accidentally dropped a box of the fine
crystal.  So he wouldn't get in trouble he buried the box of shards in the
ground.  A co-worker saw him do this and led managers to where the crystal
rested in pieces.  The man was charged with breaking and interring.
(Tiff)
======================
A perverted burglar broke into a British museum and molested some of
the life size statues of politicians. He was charged with statue Tory rape.
[Gary Hallock (again!)]
======================
A medical doctor moonlighted as a theatre critic. When he published a
critical review of a production of Madame Butterfly, the director of the show charged with "opera rating without a license."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A game warden came to the aid of an injured game bird and was charged
with "mal pheasants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full size
version of himself. He was charged with "Bigger Me."
[Gary Hallock (sure is tough to stay ahead of Tiff today!)
======================
Hussein was brought up on charges of screwing over his people while living
large.  The charge was Saddamy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
George Clooney was having some cosmetic surgery done.  His doctor decided while George was under the knife to modify his chin.  George was aghast to find that his dimple had been removed and charged the doctor with cleft of property.
[Tiff (finding it equally tough to stay ahead of Gary today)]
======================
Someone sexually violated Hamlet's wife's dog. He was charged with Pet
Ophelia.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of perverts, I looked into my pedofile and found the story
of a perverted pedicurist who would break into people's homes and
trim their nails while they were sleeping. Probably a clip toe maniac.
(Gary Hallock)
======================
And then there was the guy who stabbed his own mother to death as she
slept in her bed. He was charged with "mattresside"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And don't forget the Russian astronaut who was nervous about going
into space so he took too many antidepressants, became psychotic and
killed his fellow crew members on the space station. He was charged
with premedicated MIRder.
[Gary Hallock (Somebody stop me before I devote myself to a life of crime)]
======================
Then there was the hotel cleaning lady who also doubled as a prostitute.
She was charged with maiding and abedding.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And who could forget about the man who killed his no-tailed cat.  He was
charged with manxslaughter.
[Tiff (who is in dire need of a legal dictionary if she is going to keep up
with Gary)]

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