Jest for Pun logo Pun ny Oneliners Page 2

  • I spent a lot of my money on booze, babes and fast cars....The rest, I just squandered. (Archives)
  • When a guy says that he likes a woman's sense of humor, he ISN'T talking about her jokes. He's talking about appreciating his! (Archives)
  • We're a fastidious couple... I'm fast.... She's tedious. (Archives)
  • If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient. (Archives)
  • How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on
    the other. (Don Thorn)
  • The more things change, the more they stay insane. (Doug Aiken)
  • Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms. (Goeff Tibballs)
  • If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. (E4Fun)
  • With everything you read about spray cans and the ozone layer it's
    enough to scareosol to death.  (Mike Bull)
  • Many campaign promises are sound. Just sound! (The International Save
    the Pun Foundation)
  • I just need enough to tide me over until I need more!
  • Wrestlers don't like to be put on hold.
  • My check bounced because of insignificant funds.
  • Jan. 19, 1896 the first music patent was granted. The man who received it said he got it for a song.  (Bob Weaver)
  • I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind. (Steve Allen) 
  • A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!
  • Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids!
  • "I needn't have been cloned," said Dolly sheepishly, "my family used to do exactly what I did anyway !" (Gunjan)
  • It is rumored that Bobby Fischer got bored of playing chess with Russians. He asked the association to fix his next match with some other Europeans. It seems his telegram read, " How about a Czech mate?" (Gunjan)
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