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Syman Hirsch

  • Headline: Two convicts evade noose, jury hung.
  • Unemployment is not working.
  • Headline:  Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan.
  • Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
  • What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
  • Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
  • In Baltimore, the Psychic Friends Network has filed for bankruptcy. They say they never saw it coming.
  • One churchperson to another: 'I can't remember your name but your faith is familiar.'
  • Young Stan told his father that when he grew up he wanted to drive a big Army tank. 'Well, son,' said his dad, 'if that's what you want to do, I won't stand in your way."
  • And there's the case of a pert and perceptive young lady of our acquaintance. Her boy friend is currently prospecting for oil somewhere in the Middle East. So she sent him a 'Get Well' card.
  • At a hearing aid center: 'Let us give you some sound advice.'
  • America has drive-in theaters, drive-in supermarkets, drive-in restaurants, and drive-in banks. What it needs now are more drive-in parking places.
  • "Dear, must you spend so much money on food?" 
    "Sorry, darling, but you and the kids just won't eat anything else!"
  • Office door of NASA executive:  'Out to Launch.'
  • What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence
  • Some men thirst for riches, others thirst for power, 
    but I only thirst after salted peanuts.
  • A tourist saw a sign just outside a Turkish mosque and asked the guide to interpret it for him. The guide explained, "It says, Please Don't Salaam the Door."  (Which reminds us to remind you that a Salaam done incorrectly is a false salaam.)
  • Then there was the student nurse who got three demerits for being absent
    without gauze.
  • Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.
    These, of course, are only round figures. 
  • My wife just performed an act of plastic surgery. She cut up all her credit cards.
  • A rumor is like a used car. To find out how far it will go, the first thing you have to do is get it started.
  • Father to his six-year-old-son: 'Words are very important. When you talk to your neighbors, just say your aunt likes to crochet. Don't call her the happy hooker!'
  • A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: 'I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?'
  • When NASA puts 20 head of cattle into outer space, it will be the first herd shot around the world.
DaVinci Code

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I first heard about Syman when I subscribed to a newsletter which gave you the best children's sites on the net. It was called Spike the Wonder Dog. In it, the humour section was almost always dominated by Syman and most of what he put in was titled Syman Says. Now, Syman not only still contributes to Spike the Wonder Dog but also runs a great punny list called (any guesses?) 'SYMAN SAYS'. To subscribe send a mail with your name and email to syman@sodamail.com This is a collection of just some of my favorite puns collected from 'Syman Says' over 2 years. 

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