I just wanted to filament or two of your time with this brilliant idea that I had. Plucked from the fashion runways of Paris, this is the latest in haute (hot) couture. And it is the only dress that I know of that I can have my cake and heat it too. (Remove a piece of cake from my dress top.)
MMM! Now that's a taste of my own Edison but I really shouldn't be eating one of these because if you haven't already guessed I am a little bulbous back here. (Turning to show my other cheek to the audience.)
In case you are wondering, I am currently punning on batteries because you know me I am EverReady for a pun. And to screw up a line from Johnny Cash..."Because I shine, I alkaline." D cells are back here (turning to show the audience the battery pack)...C? Cells! Actually they are not C cells because I could never hope to be much more than a double A. (Adjust the shoulder straps of my dress.)
This outfit did require some light sewing. You might say that I was a beamstress. At first I thought about sewing on birthday candles but that wasn't such a bright idea because if I thought this dress was hot that dress would have been torture. (Removing a Bic lighter from my dress and lighting it.) My husband was a little perplexed by all of this. "Wire you doing this?" he asked. And I said "But honey, I always thought you wanted to see your dame in lights....besides I needed an outlet for my creativity."
Switching topics (I use the switch to flash the lights on my dress)...gee I hope I don't get arrested for flashing but even if I did I would probably get off with a light sentence." (I turn the lights off.) Well, my time is almost up so I really must be glowing (turn the lights back on.) but before I go I would like to say that I have really taken a shine to you all you have been a delightful audience. Well, I'm off! (Turn the lights off.)
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If you had learnt French and its getting rusty
This was Tiff Wimberly's routine in the 24th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships, held in Austin, Texas on May 19, 2001. She secured Third place, finishing behind Steve Brooks and Jim Ertner.