Jest for Pun logo Gale Fourth
Tiff Wimberly's entry for the 2002 Pun-Off


It's time for a great and powerful PAUSE for the weather.I'm your meteorologist Dorothy GALE.  The forecast for OZtin calls for mostly PUNNY with a chance of BLUNDER.

So, WINDCHILL like to hear my CURRENT CONDITIONS?   You may recall, I HAIL from Kansas where I WEATHERED a TURBULENT childhood.   I was hit in the head with a window and I'm still feeling that PANE.  My house dropped on a witch but I wasn't arrested for HOME-ICIDE.  Then I met some men with no brain, no heart, and no courage.typical!  I'm sorry. I just dumped my conceited boyfriend.  So, now I'm somewhere over my VAIN BEAU.  But, this was like my third loser.so, it seems I've PICKED my HEELS three times!

I dated a hypnotist from ARID ZONA and there was no DROUGHT about it I was under his DRY SPELL.  He treated me like a NIMBUS CELL.  I hit a RECORD LOW and my dog was a TOTO basket case!   When we broke up I said to my dog, "Toto, I have a feeling we are not in TRANCES anymore!"

I dated a weatherman named Barry Metric.  He was good-looking, FAHRENHEIT but an ABSOLUTE ZERO.  I PREDICTED a STORMY relationship with a 50% chance of ISOLATED PAIN.  Our WHIRLWIND courtship ran HOT.COLD and he wanted to get CIRRUS.  I could feel BARRY METRIC PRESSURE me to marry him but, he hung out in ISOBARS and drank so many WINES AND CIDERS AND BEERS, oh my!  I said he had problems and he said DEWPOINT them out.  I gave him the third degree which PRECIPITATED our break up.

Looking back, in RELATIVE HUMILITY, my life hasn't been a BREEZE!  Maybe this was all a dream.  You've been an OZsome crowd.I bid you all a DEW!

Tiff

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This was Tiff Wimberly's routine in the 25th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships, held in Austin, Texas on May 4th, 2002. She secured Second place, having tied with Jim Ertner on points, but then losing on the clap-off. 

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