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Tiff Wimberly's entry for the 1999 Pun-Off

My husband and I first thought about coming to the Pun-Off in mid-April but we weren't sure we could afford it because we were DEEP IN THE HEART OF TAXES. But my husband said "Let's go for it!". So, here we are. We flew into San Antonio where we rented our car at the Alamo. Now, the Alamo, there's a FORT WORTH seeing! We did a lot of driving between San Antonio and Austin but we barely made a DENTON Texas because it is such a large state and we were both really impressed with how KILLEEN it is. 

We did have to dodge a lot of those "Texas speedbumps" because we could never HARMADILLO by running over one. We drove for what seemed like an eTRINITY and finally made it into Austin where our first stop was the Driskill Hotel. As we walked in I said to my husband, "ODESSA a nice place!" I hear they have the extra-long beds WICHITAll Texan could FALL into but the rates were a little AUSTINtatious for our budget so, we checked into a PLANO motel instead. It was nothing much but in the rooms there was this saffron-colored loungewear which we presumed were the YELLOW ROBES OF TEXAS. 

Last night we had dinner at a restaurant where they tried to serve me venison. I said "Yuck, there is no way I am going to eat deer meat!" And the waiter said, "You shouldn't NACOGDOCHES because you haven't tried it yet! 

After the pun-off, I'm going to the Congress Avenue Bridge to watch the free-tail bats emerge, and you can bet ABILENing over the side of the bridge to get pictures.

There is so much to do here, you just gotta LUBBOCK! And I know once I leave here, I'll be MISSION Texas. I was little nervous getting up here at first but LUCKENBACH I'm glad I did it. And being from Arkansas, I wanted to butter y'all up with Texas puns because I didn't want to be Texas toast. Well, I MESQUITE going! 

Thanks, I had a RIO GRANDE time!


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This was Tiff Wimberly's routine in the 22nd Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships, held in Austin, Texas on May 2, 1999. She secured Third place, finishing only a single point behind Jim Hahn and Carlotta Stankiewicz.