Humorous / Funny / Amusing Quotes

Humorous quotes from various sources -
Books, Movies, even stand up Comic Albums.
If it's funny and quotable it's here (or will be soon) ;)

Author Wise Humorous Quotes Humorous Quotes by Subject Humorous Quotes by Source
Humorous Quotes about a Person Most Recent Additions...
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Books / Reading
Humorous Quotes about Places and their People

Author Wise Humorous Quotes

Abraham Lincoln
Adlai Stevenson
Al McGuire
Albert Camus
Albert Einstein
Ambrose Bierce
Archie Bunker
Arnold Palmer
Barry Goldwater
Benjamin Disraeli
Benjamin Franklin
Bertrand Russell
Bill Cosby
Bill Maher
Billy Crystal
Bob Dylan
Bob Hope
Brendan Behan
Carlyle (Cartoon Kitten)
Casey Stengel
Charles Barkley
Charles Caleb Colton
Charles Dickens
Charlie Chaplin
Chico Marx
Danny Kaye
Dave Barry
Dean Martin
Dennis The Menace
Dolly Parton
Dorothy Parker
Douglas Adams
Drew Carey
Erma Bombeck
Ernest Hemingway
Finley Peter Dunne
Frank Sinatra
Frank Zappa
Fred Allen
Friedrich Nietzsche
G K Chesterton
Garfield (The Cat)
George Bernard Shaw
George Burns
George Carlin
George Mikes
George Santayana
Golda Meir
Grace Allen (Gracie)
Groucho Marx
H. L. Mencken
Harry Truman
Heinrich Heine
Henny Youngman
Henry David Thoreau
Henry Miller
Henry Ward Beecher
Homer Simpson
Honore de Balzac
Isaac Asimov
JRR TolKien
Jack Benny
Jack Paar
Jay Leno
Jean Kerr
Jeff Foxworthy
Jerome K Jerome
Jerry Seinfeld
Jimmy Durante
John F Kennedy
Johnny Carson
Jonathan Swift
Josh Billings
Kin Hubbard
Kirk Douglas
Lana Turner
Laurence Olivier
Lenny Bruce
Lewis Carroll
Lily Tomlin
Lord Byron
Lyndon Johnson
Mae West
Marcus T Cicero
Mark Twain
Mel Brooks
Mickey Rooney
Miguel De Cervantes
Milton Berle
Muhammad Ali
Napoleon Bonaparte
Niels Bohr
Noel Coward
Ogden Nash
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Oscar Levant
Oscar Wilde
P.J. O'Rourke
Pamela Anderson
Pete Rose
Phyllis Diller
Quentin Crisp
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ray Romano
Rene Descartes
Richard Pryor
Rita Mae Brown
Rita Rudner
Robert Benchley
Robert F Kennedy
Robert Frost
Robert Orben
Robin Williams
Rodney Dangerfield
Ronald Reagan
Ross Perot
Rudyard Kipling
S. J. Perelman
Sam Levenson
Sammy Davis Jr.
Samuel Butler
Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Johnson
Scott Adams
Sherlock Holmes
Somerset Maugham
Spike Milligan
Steven Wright
Tallulah Bankhead
Tim Allen
Tom Robbins
Victor Borge
Victor Hugo
Vince Lombardi
W C Fields
Walter Matthau
Will Durant
Will Rogers
Winston Churchill
Woodrow Wilson
Woody Allen
Yogi Berra
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Humorous Quotes about Famous Personalities

Bill Gates / Microsoft / Windows Bob Hope George Burns Jack Benny
Richard Nixon Ronald Reagan    

Humorous Quotes about Places and their People

America / Americans Australia / Australians California / Hollywood / Beverly Hills Canada / Canadians
Disney World / DisneyLand / Epcot Center England / The English France / The French Germany / Germans
Israel / Israelis Italy / Italians Japan / The Japanese New York

Humorous Quotes By Subject

Actors, Acting
Air Travel, Airlines, Air Safety etc
Alcohol (See Drinks)
Answering Machines (See Telephones, Answering Machines, Crank Calls etc)
Babies / Children / Kids
Bargaining (See Negotiation)
Books / Reading
Cigars / Smoking
Crime/ Criminals
Critics/ Criticism
Democrats/ Republicans
Doctors (See Medical Profession)
Drinks/ Alcohol
Fathers/ Fatherhood
Fat (See Obesity)
Fools & Foolishness
Friends/ Friendship
Holidays (See Vacations)
Journalism / Journalists
Judges/ Juries
Kids (See Babies / Children / Kids)
Kisses/ Kissing
Laziness / Sloth / Indolence
Learning (See Education)
Lies / Lying
Madness (See Insanity)
Medical Profession
Mothers/ Motherhood
Phones (See Telephones, Answering Machines, Crank Calls etc)
Profanity (See Swearing)
Reading (See Books / Reading)
Republicans/ Democrats
Smoking/ Cigars
Telephones, Answering Machines, Crank Calls etc
Time/ Time Management
Weight Loss (See Diet)

Book/Movie/CD/TV/Radio Show Quotes

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Q Clearance by Peter Benchley
The Real Frank Zappa Book
by Frank Zappa

The Life and Hard Times of Heidi Abromowitz by Joan Rivers
Life is Too Short by Mickey Rooney
Much Ado about Me by Fred Allen
I kid you not by Jack Paar
Fields for President by WC Fields
W.C. Fields and Me by Carlotta Monti
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People by Lenny Bruce
Dirty Jokes and Beer by Drew Carey
The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table by Oliver Wendell Holmes
Goldwater by Barry Goldwater
Sunday Nights at Seven by Jack and Joan Benny
A gift of Laughter by Allan Sherman
Confessions of a Happy Man by Art Linkletter
Everything and a Kite by Ray Romano
My Favorite Comedies in Music by Victor Borge
Miss America by Howard Stern
SeinLanguage by Jerry Seinfeld
Please Don't Eat The Daisies by Jean Kerr
My Friend God by Dave Berg
Most of the Most of S.J. Perelman
Growing Old Disgracefully by Rohan Candappa
A Smattering of Ignorance by Oscar Levant
Cindy and I by Joey Adams
New Rules by Bill Maher
If you really want to make God Laugh... by Barry Gibbons
Star Struck by Pamela Anderson
Cakes and Ale by Somerset Maugham
If you can't live without me... by Cynthia Heimel
My Autobiography by Charlie Chaplin
Falling towards England by Clive James
The Ragman's Son by Kirk Douglas
Confessions of an Actor by Sir Laurence Olivier
My Life and Other Unfinished Business by Dolly Parton
The Odd Couple
Goon Shows
Spooky Movies
Books by Dave Barry
Dave Barry Talks Back
Dave Barry Slept Here
Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Dave Barry hits below the beltway
Dave Barry in Cyberspace
Guide to Marriage and/or Sex
Babies and other hazards of Sex
Homes and Other Black Holes
Dave Barry Turns 40
Dave Barry Turns 50
Dave Barry Does Japan
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up
Dave Barry's Bad Habits
Stay fit & healthy till you're dead
Dave Barry is not taking this Sitting Down
Dave Barry's Complete guide to Guys
Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus
Only Travel Guide you'll ever need
Boogers are my Beat

Books by Erma Bombeck
When you look like your passport photo...
The Grass is always Greener Over the Septic Tank
If Life is a bowl of Cherries...
Aunt Erma's Cope Book
At Wits End
Motherhood, The Second Oldest Profession
Just Wait till you have childrenof your own
A Marriage made in Heaven
All I know about Animal Behavior...
The Complete Yes Minister by J. Lynn and A. Jay
Yes Prime Minister (Vol 1) by J. Lynn and A. Jay
How do you like me so far by Henny Youngman
400 Traveling Salesmen's Jokes by Henny Youngman
Groucho and Me by Groucho Marx
Memoirs of a Mangy Lover by Groucho Marx
Marx Brothers' Duck Soup
Marx Brothers' Monkey Business
Don't Stand too close to a Naked Man by Tim Allen
I'm not really here by Tim Allen
Everything but Money by Sam Levenson
In One Era and Out the Other by Sam Levenson
Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome
Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome
Napalm and Silly Putty by George Carlin
When will Jesus bring the Porkchops? by George Carlin
Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse by Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller's Marriage Manual
The Trilogy of Four By Douglas Adams
Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Life, The Universe and Everything
So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

Books By George Burns
All My Best Friends
The Third Time Around
Living it Up
Dr. Burn's Prescription for Happiness
Wisdom of the 90s
How to live to be 100 or more
Dear George
Books by Bill Cosby
Time Flies
Love and Marriage
Congratulations! Now What?

Books / Audio Cds by Jeff Foxworthy
Big Funny
You Might be a Redneck
Games Rednecks Play
Totally Committed

Books by Bob Hope
My Life in Jokes
Don't Shoot, It's only me
I Never Left Home
I owe Russia $1200
Confessions of a Hooker

Books by George Mikes
How to be an Alien
How to Tango
How to Scrape Skies
Wisdom for Others
Shakespeare and Myself
The Spy who Died of Boredom
The Land of the Rising Yen
The Prophet Motive
Books by Patrick McManus
A Fine and Pleasant Misery
Rubber Legs and White Tail-Hairs
Never Smell a Gift Fish

Books by P.J. O'Rourke
Modern Manners
All the Trouble in the World
Parliament of Whores
Give War a Chance
Peace Kills
Holidays in Hell
The Bachelor Home Companion

Books by Tom Robbins
Still Life with Woodpecker
Jitterbug Perfume
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas
Skinny Legs and All
Another Roadside Attraction
Wild Ducks Flying Backward

Books by Woody Allen
Mere Anarchy
Without Feathers
Getting Even
Side Effects

Gunjan's email address

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