Humorous Quotes attributed to Adlai E Stevenson
1900-1965, American Statesman, Presidential Candidate

A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and alcohol.

A wise man who stands firm is a statesman, a foolish man who stands firm is a catastrophe.

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.

An independent is the guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.

Do you know the difference between a beautiful woman and a charming one? A beauty is a woman you notice, a charmer is a one who notices you.

(Accepting an honorary degree from Dr. Benjamin Wright, President of Smith College) How wonderful it must be - to be both Wright and President.

I don't wish to deprecate the Vice President's (Nixon's) new personality. But I do wish that we might hear some word from him repudiating the irresponsible, vindictive, and malicious words so often spoken by the imposter who has been using his name all these years.

I have been much interested in the continued debate raging in the newspapers as to whether I am headed left, center, or right. I think it would be more relevant to ask: Is the man moving forward or backward or is he grounded?

I have been tempted to make a proposal to our Republican friends: that if they stop telling lies about us, we would stop telling the truth about them.

I have finally figured out what the Republican orators mean by what they call 'moderate progessivism.' All they mean is: "Don't just do something. Stand there."

I have sometimes said that flattery is all right - if you don't inhale.

I have never believed that whiskers and wisdom are necessarily synonymous; sometimes, indeed, whiskers merely adorn blank spaces on blank faces.

I like Republicans, have grown up with them, worked with them, and would trust them with anything in the world - except public office.

I sometimes marvel at the extraordinary docility with which Americans submit to speeches.

I've decided that I could have no better epitaph than 'the man who put "candid" in candidate.'

I would rather be guilty of talking over a person's head than behind his back.

If I talk over the people's head, Ike must be talking under their feet.

If laughter is an intoxicant, I am perpetually tight.

If you would make a speech or write one
Or get an artist to indite one.
Think not because 'tis understood
By men of sense, 'tis therefore good,
Make it so clear and simply planned
No blockhead can misunderstand.

In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

Most of the speeches reminded me of that facetious explanation of the word 'auditorium.' It is said that the word 'auditorium' comes from two Latin words, audio and taurus. Audio, of course, means 'I hear' and, as everybody knows, taurus means 'bull'.

(Introducing President Johnson at a Washington dinner) Mr. President, you are doing so well that even the Republicans like you. They can find only two things wrong - your foreign policy and your domestic policy.

My friends, I have one point to make tonight. That's not many, but it is one more than is made in some political speeches - and that includes some I have delivered myself.

Nixon is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump for a speech on conservation.

Power corrupts, but lack of power corrupts absolutely.

The human race has improved everything, but the human race.

The relationship of the toastmaster to the speaker should be the same as that of the fan to the fan dancer. It should call attention to the subject without making any particular effort to cover it.

The Republicans stroke platitudes until they purr like epigrams.

They asked him (Lincoln) how he felt once after an unsuccessful election. He said he felt like the little boy who had stubbed his toe in the dark. He said he was too old to cry but it hurt too much to laugh.

Whenever the Republicans talk of cutting taxes first and discussing the national security second, they remind me of a very tired rich man who said to his chauffeur: "Drive off that cliff, James, I want to commit suicide."

You know how it is; anything that helps the other fellow is extravagance; anything that helps you is a necessity.

You know how it is in an election year. They pick a President and then for four years they pick on him.

On the subject of education, Stevenson was fond of quoting a prisoner who once told his cellmate: "I'm going to study and improve myself, and when you're still a common thief, I'll be an embezzler."

Stevenson suggested this campaign slogan for Richard Nixon's 1960 presidential bid - Don't change administrations in these perilous times into which we have led you.

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