Humorous Quotes about
Age / Aging
- Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. ~ Benjamin Franklin
- Many foxes grow gray but few grow good. ~ Benjamin Franklin
- Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five. ~ Benjamin Franklin
- He is so old that his blood type was discontinued. ~ Bill Dana
- Iíve been playing golf a long time, although itís not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur. ~ Bob Hope (Confessions of a Hooker)
- Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason. ~ Bob Hope (Confessions of a Hooker)
- A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ''At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
~ Claude D. Pepper
- One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young.
~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher
- A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.
~ Dorothea Kent
- Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
~ Eli Cass
- No man knows he is young while he is young. ~ G. K. Chesterton
- By the time you're eighty years old you've learned
everything. You only have to remember it. ~ George Burns
- Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not
everything that's down can come up. ~ George Burns
- I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there
was so little of it. ~ George Burns
- I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something. ~ George Burns
- If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made
because very few people die past the age of a hundred. ~ George Burns
- Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. ~ George Burns
- Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated
because there are fewer articles to read. ~ George Burns
||Maugham on Age and Politics...
A man who is a politician at forty is a statesman at three score and ten. It is at this age, when he would be too old to be a clerk or a gardener or a police-court magistrate, that he is ripe to govern a country. This is not so strange when you reflect that from the earliest times the old have rubbed it into the young that they are wiser than they, and before the young discovered what nonsense this was they were old too, and it profited them to carry on the imposture; and besides, no one can have moved in the society of politicians without discovering that (if one may judge by results) it requires little mental ability to rule a nation. ~ Somerset Maugham (Cakes and Ale)
- I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I havenít changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. ~ George Carlin(When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)
- Old age is like flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do. ~ Golda Meir
- Being seventy is not a sin. Itís not a joy, either. ~ Golda Meir
- Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. ~ Groucho Marx
- I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up. ~ Harry Hershfield
- I hope I never get so old I get religious. ~ Ingmar Bergman
- Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday. ~ Jeff Foxworthy (Big Funny)
- Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about? ~ Kirk Douglas (The Ragman's Son)
- Every time I think that I'm getting old, and gradually going to the grave, something else happens. ~ Lillian Carter
- The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~ Lucille Ball
- Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternatives. ~ Maurice Chevalier
- At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
- I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
~ Rodney Dangerfield
- We old roosters must be cautious. Donít try to outwit your arteries. ~ S.J. Perelman(Most of the Most of S.J Perelman)
- The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
~ Sigmund Z. Engel
- Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.
~ Washington Irving
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