Humorous Quotes about
Age / Aging

I’ve been playing golf a long time, although it’s not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur. ~ Bob Hope (Confessions of a Hooker)

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason. ~ Bob Hope (Confessions of a Hooker)

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ''At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." ~ Claude D. Pepper

One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young. ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried. ~ Dorothea Kent

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. ~ Eli Cass

No man knows he is young while he is young. ~ G. K. Chesterton

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. ~ George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ~ George Burns

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. ~ George Burns

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something. ~ George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. ~ George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. ~ George Burns

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~ George Burns

Maugham on Age and Politics...
A man who is a politician at forty is a statesman at three score and ten. It is at this age, when he would be too old to be a clerk or a gardener or a police-court magistrate, that he is ripe to govern a country. This is not so strange when you reflect that from the earliest times the old have rubbed it into the young that they are wiser than they, and before the young discovered what nonsense this was they were old too, and it profited them to carry on the imposture; and besides, no one can have moved in the society of politicians without discovering that (if one may judge by results) it requires little mental ability to rule a nation. ~ Somerset Maugham (Cakes and Ale)