Humorous Quotes attributed to Archie Bunker
TV Character, Central character of - 'All in the Family'

A four-letter Italian word for good-bye...BANG

Certainly I'm innocent, Edith. But of what?

Edith, at my age I don't need ROUGHAGE--I need SMOOTHAGE!

Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television.

I got a lotta best friends. Some o' them I don't even hardly know!

I got nothin' against mankind. It's people I can't stand.

I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence.

If society is at fault that we got killers running around murdering innocent people, then it's simple. We turn the killer loose, give him a pension for life and shoot the rest of the city.

If you liberals keep gettin' your way - we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin' straight down the toilet.

I'm saying I can't afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope! He's got more money than God!

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.

It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.

It's a proven fact that Capital Punishment is a detergent for crime.

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.

Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you.

The American Way of life, si!
The American Way of death, no!

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with.

There's nothing wrong with revenge - it's the best way to get even !

Was Uncle Oscar's death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch.

You can never buy beer, you just rent it.

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