Humorous Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy's
Big Funny

Not long ago we went down Lousiana and spent 5 days with my wife's Mom and Dad which on Life's list of fun things to do comes in somewhere below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Another reason it's hard staying with these people (his in-laws) is that they keep their house little warm. By little warm I mean it is roughly the same temperature as the bottom of the space shuttle when it's about this high off the ground.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

My mother-in-law walked out in her bathing suit and my youngest daughter looked at her and said "Gamma you shouldn't draw on your legs with a blue magic marker."

You know what I do when they (my children) throw themselves on the floor (of the mall) and start making a fit, I walk straight up to them and say "Where are your parents? People do no know how to raise children these days, I tell you!"

To this day my mother frowns if she sees me take a sip out of a beer, yet when I was a child she used to buy me model aeroplane glue by the bagsful. I'm upstairs trying to build models, I'm higher than the Rolling Stones on the opening night of a new tour.

I've been reading about the brain and did you know that between the left and the right side of the brain there are these little bridges that join the two sides and within women this is like an eight lane super-highway. And in men it's like a little dirt path.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

If your honeymoon was featured on True Stories of the Highway Patrol, you might be a redneck.

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