Humorous Quotes about
Boats, Yatchs, Ships, Sailing, Boating Enthusiasts, America Cup etc

Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)

.I shared this insight with some other boat owners, and they all agreed that, definitely, putting your boar into the water is asking for trouble. Most of them have had their boats sitting in their driveways long enough to be registered historical landmarks. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)

.There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling “HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?” ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)

It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That’s why those old ships carried such large crews. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)

You have to be careful on the deck, because of the “hatches,” which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)

It was not easy victory (in the America Cup). Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry's Greatest Hits)

Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if you put up the sails, the boat tips way over, and you could spill your beer. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry's Greatest Hits)

He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a "heroin fancier." ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry is not making this up)

Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry is not making this up)

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners. ~ Fred Allen (Much Ado About Me)

You can always tell the old river hand by the way in which he stretches himself out upon the cushions at the bottom of the boat, and encourages the rowers by telling them anecdotes about the marvellous feats he performed last season.. ~ Jerome K Jerome (Three men in a Boat)

A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (All the Trouble in the World)

This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they’re green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you..~ P.J. O'Rourke (The Bachelor Home Companion)

I don’t think I’ll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn’t big enough. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

The America’s Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

In Western Australia they don’t even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic. ~ P.J. O'Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

It was just the sort of yatch you’d expect a rock promoter to have. Mirrored ceilings, marble, Jacuzzis and leopard-skin everything, it made the merely vulgar seem commonplace. ~ Pamela Anderson (Starstruck)

No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. … A man in a jail has more room, better food and commonly better company. ~ Samuel Johnson (Boswell's Life of Johnson)

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