Humorous Quotes from George Mike's
Perhaps the times are not far off when Australians will realize that they are not a touchy, provincial family but a great and important continent and they do not need to be upset by every remark uttered by any Tom, Dick or Harry. Or George, for that matter.
When informality is a cult, you have to learn how to be informal. Its rules are just as strict as those of formality.
There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.
The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to kill.
I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.
Australians are decent people with the right instincts and they wish everybody well; but if all is not well, it is none of their business and they will not lose too much sleep over it. The shrug of the shoulders has become – only temporarily, I daresay – the national gesture of Australia.
Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.
Australia objects to the mini-skirt not on moral but on economic grounds. Australians are no prudes and the lovely, healthy, sporty Australian girls have no reason to hide their knees and thighs. However, the mini-skirt is disastrous for the wool-trade
Anti-Americanism is one of the great pastimes of our age, an excellent cleanser of complexes that does one’s soul good.
Favorite Long Quotes / Extracts...
Our age adores records as long as they are utterly pointless. If a man claimed that he had written the longest poem under water with a Bingo ball-point pen, that would not only boost the sales of the pen but even the poem would be bought in more copies than the poetical works of Keats and T.S. Eliot put together – both of whom kept on writing on dry land.
The Mayor of Sydney, however, remarked that in spite of Melbourne's efforts, Sydney was going to remain Australia's main international airport, to which Melbourne's Lord Mayor - or some other civic dignitary - replied with a dignified statement of two syllables : 'Ha-ha.'
The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex – unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.
Pedestrians as a race are slowly dying out.
The streets were full of lively people, gesticulating wildly and shouting at the top of their voices, simply because no Italian can speak softly.
In the field of snobbery, Australia is an underdeveloped country; even a few British ex-colonies, regarded as under developed in all other respects, could export a great deal of snobbery to Australia and still have enough to spare for their own, internal needs.
Although the rudiments of snobbery are there, its finer developments are basically alien to the Australian soul – that is, if Australians have a soul; many people believe that they are too matter-of-fact and down-to-earth to have such fancy commodities.
New South Wales also contains Australia’s highest mountain peak, Mount Kosciusko, 7,328 feet. It is quite a feat to climb it; it is also quite a feat to pronounce its name ... and most Australians give up both attempts; Kosciusko, when mentioned, usually becomes Kozy.
A couple from Sydney or Melbourne might leave on the same day for their holiday: the wife might go sun-bathing at Surfers Paradise, in Queensland, the husband ski-ing in the Snowy Mountains. A lucky country.
Other cities are busy making money, Canberra is busy spending it. This is no criticism or jibe, it is a word of praise. Spending money is a more leisurely, gentlemanly and agreeable occupation than making it and Canberra is, consequently, a more leisurely, gentlemanly and agreeable place than the breathless money-making centres.
Favorite Long Quotes / Extracts...
Should their most unpopular, even their most detested member fall upon hard times they will leap to the rescue; they may help him with deep disgust, but they will help him. Hungarians form not only a local clique but also a world-wide conspiracy, third in importance only to homosexuals and Roman Catholics. A homosexual Roman Catholic Hungarian cannot possibly have a worry in the world, he will fall on his feet wherever he may find himself.
It was they (the migrants) who taught Australians to drink wine with their meals; before the Great Migration Australians thought that to drink anything other than beer was both illegal and sacrilegious.
Western Australia is a mixture of old and new, ancient and modern; she is a half asleep, so all is well.
The density of population in the Northern Territory is one person per ten square miles. Not exactly a second China.
You may see the vahine – the women of Tahiti – in pareu, a local dress compared with which the miniskirt is definitely much too long; the relationship of the miniskirt to the pareu, is that of knitted Victorian bloomers to lace panties.
If you ask a Tahitian woman whether she is married, she will probably say yes and that means she is living with a man. When she has gone through a marriage ceremony, she will say she is married-married.
This is one of the Tahitian’s secrets. They enjoy life as it comes and have no further ambition. This lack of ambition is even more important than their capacity for enjoyment: lack of ambition is three quarters of the way to happiness.
Their (Tahitian) language - related to Maori – has no word for fidelity; and – to their eternal glory – it has no word for bastard either. A child is a child.
Your bag will be thoroughly searched, practically unpacked, by white customs officers. Not one New Guinean has been found suitable to perform the complex and highly intellectual job of a Customs Official.
All the people of New Guinea celebrate their birthday at Christmas. After Christmas Day they regard themselves as a year older.
What beefsteak is to Argentina, flamenco to Spain, cool reserve and self-control in all situations to an Englishman, what vodka is to a Russian and beer to a Bavarian, what money is to a Swiss, that is outdoor-life to an Australian. It is a noble mania, better than vodka, better than cool reserve, better than money.
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