Humorous Quotes attributed to Brendan Behan
1923-1964, Irish Playwright and Author

Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

I am a drinker with writing problems.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

I saw a notice which said ‘Drink Canada Dry’ and I've just started.

I was court-martial in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.

New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.

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