Humorous Quotes about
Cigars / Tobbacco / Smoking
- To smoke is human; to smoke cigars is divine. ~ Anon
- After a truly good meal, an outstanding cigar is still the most satisfying after-dinner activity that doesn't involve two human beings. ~ Brad Shaw
- A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman. ~ Bulwer-Lytton, E. G.
- Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which had no greater savour than the fumes of burning money. ~ Clive James (Falling towards England)
- Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." ~ Dave Barry
- Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer. ~ George Carlin(When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)
- If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it. ~ George Burns
- I don’t want to have a bad influence on anybody, but there’s no point in my giving up cigarettes now. I won’t die young. ~ Golda Meir
- A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other." ~ Horace Greely
- There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of
cigarettes. ~ Katharine Whitehorn
- It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines
and the cigarette were placed on prescription. ~ Malcolm Potts, MD
- I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. ~ Mark Twain
- Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to
interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. ~ Mark Twain
- If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go. ~ Mark Twain
- To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever
did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times. ~ Mark Twain
||The Douglas Method of Quitting...
Unfortunately, once I did learn to smoke, I couldn’t stop. I escalated to two packs a day very quickly, and stayed that way for about ten years. When I decided to stop, I adopted the method that my father had used when he
quit. He would carry a cigarette in his shirt pocket, and every time he felt like smoking, he would pull out the cigarette and confront it: “Who stronger? You? Me?’’ Always the answer was the same: “I stronger.” Back the
cigarette would go, until the next craving. It worked for him, and it worked for me. ~ Kirk Douglas (The Ragman's Son)
- I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I
can't think of what they might be. ~ Richard Carleton
- But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if
I'm living unless I'm killing myself. ~ Russell Hoban
- Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss. ~ Sigmund Freud
- I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar
each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth
that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought
disillusion. ~ Somerset Maugham
- The end of a good smoke is a little saddening. In some regard, it's a bit
like losing a best friend who had time to sit and listen. ~ ZenWarrior
- If your wife doesn't like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife. ~ Zino
- There was a young man of Herne Bay
who was making some fireworks one day:
but he dropped his cigar
in the gunpowder jar.
There was a young man of Herne Bay.
~ Ogden Nash
- There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a
And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
~ Rudyard Kipling
Divine in hookas, glorious in a pipe,
When tipp'd with amber, mellow, rich, and ripe;
Like other charmers, wooding the caress
More dazzlingly when daring in full dress.
Yet thy true lovers more admire, by far,
Thy naked beauties--give me a cigar!
...from The Island, Canto II, by Lord Byron
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