Humorous Quotes about
Death

The difficulty about all this dying, is that you can't tell a fellow anything about it, so where does the fun come in? ~ Alice James

If your time ain't come not even a doctor can kill you. ~ American Proverb

He would make a lovely corpse. ~ Charles Dickens

I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure. ~ Clarence Darrow

To you who have never died, may I say: Welcome to the world! ~ Clive Barker

But the peasants -- how do the peasants die? ~ Count Leo Tolstoy

If even dying is to be made a social function, then, grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party. ~ Dag Hammarskjold

We all have to die some day, if we live long enough. ~ Dave Farber

Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down. ~ Dick Sharples

Death - To stop sinning suddenly. ~ Elbert Hubbard

A person doesn't die when he should but when he can. ~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." ~ Garrison Keillor

I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day. ~ George Axlerod

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ~ George Carlin (When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)

Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! ~ George Carlin (When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. ~ Groucho Marx

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. ~ Guy Almes

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. ~ Isaac Asimov

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. ~ Italian Proverb

A dead atheist is someone who is all dressed up with no place to go. ~ James Duffecy

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. ~ John Barrymore

In the long run we are all dead. ~ John Maynard Keynes

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. ~ Johnny Carson

Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn't have to talk to you. ~ Katharine Hepburn

I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know. ~ Lawrence Durrell

Die, my dear doctor! That's the last thing I shall do! ~ Lord Palmerston

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? ~ Margaret Smith

Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. ~ Mark Twain

The report of my death was an exaggeration. ~ Mark Twain

Well, there's a remedy for all things but death, which will be sure to lay us flat one time or other. ~ Miguel De Cervantes

If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it. ~ Montaigne

There are three natural anaesthetics: Sleep, fainting, and death. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Alas, I am dying beyond my means. ~ Oscar Wilde

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. ~ Patrick Moore

There is a remedy for everything; it is called death. ~ Portuguese Proverb

I hate funerals and would not attend my own if it could be avoided ~ Robert T. Morris

If life must not be taken too seriously -- then so neither must death. ~ Samuel Butler

There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death. ~ Samuel Butler

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. ~ Somerset Maugham

Dear me! I must be turning into a god. ~ Vespasian

I have lost friends, some by death--others by sheer inability to cross the street. ~ Virginia Woolf

I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ~ Winston Churchill

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. ~ Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. ~ Woody Allen

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ~ Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. ~ Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~ Woody Allen

Mahler triumphs over his lifelong fear of death.
“How does Mahler triumph over his fear of death?” I asked.
“By dying. I figured it out – it’s really the only way.” ~ Woody Allen (Mere Anarchy)

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Humorous Quotes about Death

Have you checked out this super book? Click Here

Humorous Quotes about
Death

Have you checked out
this super book?

Click Here