Humorous Quotes about
Death

The difficulty about all this dying, is that you can't tell a fellow anything about it, so where does the fun come in? ~ Alice James

If your time ain't come not even a doctor can kill you. ~ American Proverb

He would make a lovely corpse. ~ Charles Dickens

I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure. ~ Clarence Darrow

To you who have never died, may I say: Welcome to the world! ~ Clive Barker

But the peasants -- how do the peasants die? ~ Count Leo Tolstoy

If even dying is to be made a social function, then, grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party. ~ Dag Hammarskjold

We all have to die some day, if we live long enough. ~ Dave Farber

Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down. ~ Dick Sharples

Death - To stop sinning suddenly. ~ Elbert Hubbard

A person doesn't die when he should but when he can. ~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." ~ Garrison Keillor

I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day. ~ George Axlerod

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ~ George Carlin (When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)

Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! ~ George Carlin (When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. ~ Groucho Marx

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. ~ Guy Almes

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. ~ Isaac Asimov

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. ~ Italian Proverb

A dead atheist is someone who is all dressed up with no place to go. ~ James Duffecy

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. ~ John Barrymore

In the long run we are all dead. ~ John Maynard Keynes

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. ~ Johnny Carson

Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn't have to talk to you. ~ Katharine Hepburn

I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know. ~ Lawrence Durrell

Die, my dear doctor! That's the last thing I shall do! ~ Lord Palmerston

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? ~ Margaret Smith

Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. ~ Mark Twain

The report of my death was an exaggeration. ~ Mark Twain

Well, there's a remedy for all things but death, which will be sure to lay us flat one time or other. ~ Miguel De Cervantes

If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it. ~ Montaigne

There are three natural anaesthetics: Sleep, fainting, and death. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Alas, I am dying beyond my means. ~ Oscar Wilde

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. ~ Patrick Moore

There is a remedy for everything; it is called death. ~ Portuguese Proverb

I hate funerals and would not attend my own if it could be avoided ~ Robert T. Morris

If life must not be taken too seriously -- then so neither must death. ~ Samuel Butler

There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death. ~ Samuel Butler

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. ~ Somerset Maugham

Dear me! I must be turning into a god. ~ Vespasian

I have lost friends, some by death--others by sheer inability to cross the street. ~ Virginia Woolf

I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ~ Winston Churchill

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. ~ Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. ~ Woody Allen

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ~ Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. ~ Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~ Woody Allen

Mahler triumphs over his lifelong fear of death.
“How does Mahler triumph over his fear of death?” I asked.
“By dying. I figured it out – it’s really the only way.” ~ Woody Allen (Mere Anarchy)

Have you checked out
this super book?

Click Here

Back to Humorous Quotes

Visit my other sites... www.exwz.com and www.jkjquotes.com

Custom Search

Humorous Quotes about Death

Have you checked out this super book? Click Here

Humorous Quotes about
Death

Have you checked out
this super book?

Click Here