Humorous Quotes from
Don't Shoot, It's only Me (Cont.)
By Bob Hope

Alaska :

The soldiers in Alaska were the loneliest guys in the world. Also the coldest. They didn't even have enemy troops close by to pump up the adrenaline and keep them warm.

Ankara :

After I got to Ankara this morning, I visited twelve mosques. Not that I'm so religious, I'm just trying to get my shoes back.

Bahrain :

No show of public affection is allowed. In Bahrain, that's called the law. Back home it's called marriage.

Berlin :

They drove me in a big car past all the rubble that used to be Berlin. It looked like the South Bronx after a rock concert.

China :

I loved the Great Wall. Of course, I love anything as old as I am.

Service at the Peking Hotel is really fast, especially the laundry. Yesterday they washed my pajamas, and I was still in them.

Eniwetok :

So this is Eniwetok. What an island! It's so small, when the tide comes in, you guys should get submarine pay. . .You're not defending this place, are you? Let them take it, it'll serve them right.

Germany :

I didn't care too much for my introduction: "Well, here he is, fellows, the only man in Germany who wears his hat on his unoccupied zone - Bob Hope!"

Japan :

California alone could beat Japan. After all, how long could the Rising Sun hold out against the Drifting Fog?

And the Japanese people are so polite. I'm not used to all this bowing. I've been here five days and I haven't seen anyone's face yet.

Korea :

There are no psychiatrists in Korea. They know you're nuts or you wouldn't be here.

I was surprised at the crowd Jayne (Mansfield) drew when she got off the plane. I didn't think a couple of extra hills would be a novelty in Korea.

Lebanon :

The years that followed were a merry time of hijacking, hostage taking, and terrorism. Anybody in Lebanon who hadn't been shot at wasn't really trying.

There was more hatred in Lebanon than at an Academy Awards rehearsal.

Our schedule was so tight you only got a chance to lie down if somebody was shooting at you.

New Guinea :

I don't know how we're going to get back home when we leave here. Two mosquitoes ate our chopper.

Okinawa :

It's pretty rugged out here on Okinawa. I hear one marine rolled out of his lean-to this morning and shave three times until he realized he was staring into a bear. . .

Tunis :

Boy, is it hot here. This is the first time I ever laid fried eggs.

Vietnam :

This is terrible country for a coward. Can you imagine my not knowing which way to run?

Incidentally, if there are any Viet Cong in the audience, remember I already got my shots.

Note : More Quotes from the same book
Bob Hope on People http://workinghumor.com/quotes/dontshoot02.shtml
Bob Hope on Places http://workinghumor.com/quotes/dontshoot03.shtml

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