Humorous Quotes attributed to Ernest Hemingway
1898-1961, American Writer
- A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
- All things truly wicked start from an innocence.
- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.
- Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.
- Decadence is a difficult word to use since it has become little more than a term of abuse applied by critics to anything they do not yet understand or which seems to differ from their moral concepts.
- Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle.
- Don't you like to write letters. I do because it's such a swell way to keep from working and yet feel you've done something.
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
- I have noticed that doctors who fail in the practice of medicine have a tendency to seek one another's company and aid in consultation. A doctor who cannot take out your appendix properly will recommend you to a doctor who will be unable to remove your tonsils with success.
- I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can.
- I wish I could write well enough to write about aircraft. Faulkner did it very well in Pylon but you cannot do something someone else has done though you might have done it if they hadn't.
- It wasn't by accident that the Gettysburg address was so short. The laws of prose writing are as immutable as those of flight, of mathematics, of physics.
- My attitude toward punctuation is that it ought to be as conventional as possible. The game of golf would lose a good deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
- Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, ''What will you have, sir?'' And I said, ''A glass of hemlock.''
- Personal columnists are jackals and no jackal has been known to live on grass once he had learned about meat -- no matter who killed the meat for him.
- Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don't know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use.
- That is what we are supposed to do when we are at our best --make it all up --but make it up so truly that later it will happen that way.
- The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof, shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it.
- They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with a higher grade of manure.
- To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
- What is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.
- To me heaven would be a big bull ring with me holding two barrera seats and a trout stream outside that no one else was allowed to fish in and two lovely houses in the town; one where I would have my wife and children and be monogamous and love them truly and well and the other where I would have my nine beautiful mistresses on nine different floors.
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