Humorous Quotes about
France / The French

This book sides with the theory that the way modern business has evolved is one of God’s top three surviving mistakes, along with France and cobras. ~ Barry Gibbons (If you really want to make God Laugh...)

There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. ” ~ Bob Hope (I owe Russia $1200)

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons. ~ Bob Hope (I owe Russia $1200)

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. ~ Bob Hope (I owe Russia $1200)

You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people. ~ Conan O'Brien

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby. ~ Dave Barry

There is no hell. There is only France. ~ Frank Zappa (You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore)

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. ~ Fred Allen

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. ~ George Burns (The Third Time Around)

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he’s also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs. ~ Groucho Marx (Memoirs of a Mangy Lover)

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady. ~ Honore de Balzac

I can't understand Cindy’s big excitement about the Eiffel Tower. To me it looks like the Empire State Building after taxes. ~ Joey Adams (Cindy and I)

If you want to visit Paris, the best time to go is during August, when there aren't any French people there. ~ Kenneth Stilling

Summing it Up...
Where’s a good place for dinner?” I asked.
“There’s the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine,” she said, “or La Coupole in Montmartre.”
“Not La Coupole,” I said. “I’ve been there before. That’s the place that’s crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody’s rude as hell, isn’t it?”
“I think you just described France,” she said.
P.J. O' Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. ~ Marge Simpson

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. ~ Mark Twain

The French complain of everything, and always. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

Good Americans when they die, go to Paris. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes (The Autocrat of the Breakfast-table)

A moral compass needle needs a butt end. Whatever direction France is pointing – toward collaboration with Nazis, accommodation with communists, existentialism, Jerry Lewis, or UN resolution veto – we can go the other way with a quiet conscience. ~ P.J. O'Rourke

(Visited) France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that’s open for business. ~ P.J. O' Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they guillotined all the smart people in 1793. P.J. O' Rourke (Holidays in Hell)

“In France,” Marcel said with wintry dignity, “accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen." ~ S.J. Perelman (Most of the Most of S.J Perelman)

I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing ladies' hands-- after all, one must start somewhere. ~ Sacha Guitry

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Humorous Quotes about France / The French

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