Humorous Quotes from
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas
By Tom Robbins
- The day the stock market falls out of bed and
breaks its back is the worst day of your life.
- The financial apocalypse that will put the
"broke" back in "broker" ...
- If you refuse to acknowledge your race, how can
you blame your misfortunes on it?
- It's a fact that some men conceal the greater
part of their personality between their legs.
- Your face turns so red you can see it reflected
in Q-Jo's silverware. The vice squad could hire you as a smut detector.
- There's no use trying to restrain the socially
responsible once they are locked in on their suffering target.
- The sky is aprickle with stars and that the
moon looks like a radiation blister that a primitive physician has treated
- You wonder if God doesn't have an answering
machine to screen out the prayers of the venal and the boring? And in which
category has he placed you?
- Where is this coming? Must be whiskey, the
- As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even
the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine.
- Belford is lying on the bed, eyes closed and an
expression on his face that could end three Italian operas and still have
enough anguish left over to butter an existentialist's toast.
- The afternoon lasts approximately as long as
- You open a window to let the sunbeams in. They
behave like tourists, which, in Seattle, they practically are.
- There's a hole in God's ether where all the
- Good grief! It has taken you this long to think
of that? You are to detective work what Grandma Moses is to German
- Somalia could wring out your hair and end its
drought. Still, you stand in the deluge for another minute or two...
- People do not get 'heavy' with wisdom. They get
light. The wiser you become, the lighter you become.
- At the Exasperation Olympics, this guy would
win all the gold medals.
- The light switch flips up and down uselessly,
like the lips of the President.
- If each of us, in secret, were allowed to ask
God one question, absolutely nobody would ask, "are you a man or a
woman? Or "What color's your skin?" proving that issues of gender
and race are ultimately trivial.
- Animals - do not share man's pathetic need to
socialize bliss, codify awe, pigeonhole the Mystery, and tame the Divine. For
an ape, born twice is entirely redundant, since an ape gets it right the
- Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a
sublimated death wish? Its no coincidence we call them 'deadlines.'
- If the Titanic had been a Porsche, it would
still be afloat.
- In the beginning was the thing. And one thing
led to another. The simple but enduring truth of that abridged version of
the first chapter of Genesis is demonstrated once again in the cockpit of
- "You come back soon," Freddie says. "Bring you Christian
friend. I introduce him to God's great gift, Saint Pot. Heh-heh.
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